Copyright holder: Tyndale University, 3377 Bayview Ave., Toronto, Ontario, Canada M2M 3S4 Att.: Library Director, J. William Horsey Library Copyright: This Work has been made available by the authority of the copyright owner solely for the purpose of private study and research and may not be copied or reproduced except as permitted by the copyright laws of Canada without the written authority from the copyright owner. Copyright license: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License Citation: Chan, Maria Concepcion. “Trinitarian Spiritual Formation: Spiritual Direction and Supervision of Spiritual Directors Within the Fullness of Trinitarian Life.” D. Min., Tyndale University, 2021. ***** Begin Content ****** TYNDALE UNIVERSITY 3377 Bayview Avenue Toronto, ON M2M 3S4 TEL:416.226.6620 www.tyndale.ca Note: This Work has been made available by the authority of the copyright owner solely for the purpose of private study and research and may not be copied or reproduced except as permitted by the copyright laws of Canada without the written authority from the copyright owner. Chan, Maria Concepcion. “Trinitarian Spiritual Formation: Spiritual Direction and Supervision of Spiritual Directors Within the Fullness of Trinitarian Life.” D. Min., Tyndale University, 2021. Tyndale University Trinitarian Spiritual Formation: Spiritual Direction and Supervision of Spiritual Directors Within the Fullness of Trinitarian Life A Research Portfolio submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Ministry Tyndale University by Maria Concepcion Chan Toronto, Canada February 2021 Unless otherwise indicated all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996 2004 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2021 by Maria Concepcion Chan All rights reserved. ABSTRACT In this Research Portfolio, the author articulates a contemplative evocative approach toward Trinitarian Spiritual Formation, from where discernment and ministry flow. This will be explored through three avenues. The first is a spiritual autobiography describing the author’s own spiritual formation in response to the question: How will I know God’s voice? The author’s discernment of vocational call to spiritual direction and supervision will be shared. The second is through the development of a Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model as informed by Trinitarian Spiritual Formation anchored in trinitarian theology. In the face of hybrid forms of spiritual direction, this understanding of spiritual formation will be applied to the question: What makes spiritual direction, spiritual direction? The third is through a field research project that attends to the spiritual formation of Tyndale graduate spiritual directors. The project is guided by the question: Does attending to the spiritual formation of directors through a contemplative evocative approach better equip them to discern a calling to the supervision of directors? This research confirms that a contemplative evocative approach toward spiritual formation is helpful for discerning whether or not directors are called to become supervisors. Page vi DEDICATION To my heavenly Father: Thank You for inviting me to the Doctor of Ministry. To my earthly father: Thank you for your countless years of quiet sacrifice. To my children’s father: Thank you for the gift of introducing our children to God. Page vii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I am deeply grateful to be surrounded by a diverse community whose individual lives collectively inspired and carried me through this doctorate with grace and love. Because of you, I was able to cross the finish line. Thank you. Family Community: To my wonderful husband, my two precious sons and much-loved daughter, for sacrificing more than any of us expected. Praying Community: To Anne, Birgid, Chai, James, Jeanine, Robynn, Roula, Tracey-Ann, the Mothers-in-Prayer Group, and my Life Group, for collectively blessing, releasing, encouraging, and praying for me day in and day out throughout the doctorate. Listening Community: To Wendy Miller, my supervisor whose life teaches me how to love Jesus; Marsha Kahale, my spiritual director whose attentive listening conveys how deeply loved I am and Kathleen Sutcliffe, my counsellor whose receptivity teaches me how to love myself. DMin Community: To Professors Bramer, Chapman, Draper, Franklin, Haycraft, Helland, Hernadez, Hjalmarson, Sherbino, Siler and Wilhoit for being grace personified, and to my phenomenal cohort who enriched my doctoral experience and, through their faithfulness in Jesus, inspire me to be likewise. Page viii Research Community: To the nine participants, two directors, two notetakers, counsellor, supervisor and Expert Panel who gave generously of their time so that I could learn, improve upon, and complete my research project. Portfolio Community: To Ruth Brown, my invaluable advisor who helped me develop and make sense of my portfolio, going the extra mile by testing my Model, and Donna Kehoe, my gifted editor whose exacting work enhanced my writing, going the extra distance through perceptive questioning that was in and of itself spiritually formative. Graced Community: To Dr. Sherbino, for all the years of ministerial encouragement; Dr. Shepherd, for our countless theological discussions; and Dr. Bramer, Dr. Miller and Dr. Walker, for more than they will ever know. Page ix EPIGRAPH Psalm 119:93 I will never forget Your commandments, for by them You give me life. The Great Commandment Mark 12:29-31 The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these. The Great Commission Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Page x TABLE OF CONTENTS LIST OF FIGURES .... xiv LIST OF TABLES .... xv ABBREVIATIONS .... xvi GLOSSARY .... xvii CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION ~ YEARNINGS .... 1 CHAPTER II: SPIRITUAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY ~ NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES .... 10 Creator God .... 11 Gracious Saviour .... 24 Spirit of Truth .... 38 PostScript: Blessed .... 52 CHAPTER III: DEVELOPING A MODEL OF SPIRITUAL FORMATION ~ A TRINITARIAN APPROACH .... 54 Context and Cultural Fluency .... 55 Biblical Framework .... 58 Trinitarian Theology .... 61 Spiritual Formation .... 68 What is Spiritual Formation? .... 69 What is Being Formed? .... 73 Ignatian Spirituality .... 79 Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model .... 83 Overview of the Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model .... 84 Parts of the Model .... 86 Process of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation .... 88 Limitations .... 92 Application of Model in Ministry Context .... 93 Conclusion .... 98 CHAPTER IV: RESEARCH PROJECT ~ ATTENDING TO THE SPIRITUAL FORMATION OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS THROUGH A CONTEMPLATIVE EVOCATIVE APPROACH TOWARD DISCERNMENT OF VOCATIONAL CALL .... 100 Opportunity .... 101 Response .... 102 Supervision, Permission, and Access .... 104 Context .... 105 Page xi Model and Other Resources .... 106 Connections with Spiritual Autobiography and Model of Spiritual Formation .... 107 Other Resources .... 108 Project, Methodology, and Methods .... 109 Field of Study .... 110 Scope .... 111 Methodology ...112 Methods .... 114 Data Collection .... 120 Ethics in Ministry-Based Research .... 124 Findings, Interpretations, Limitations, and Outcomes .... 126 Findings .... 127 Participant In-Take Interviews .... 127 Feelings Log .... 127 Participant and SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire .... 129 Observations of Notetakers and Researchers .... 133 Discernment .... 134 Participant After-Care Interviews .... 135 Interpretations .... 136 Week 1-4 Interpretations .... 137 Week 5-7 Interpretations .... 140 Limitations .... 142 Outcomes .... 143 Conclusions and Implications .... 147 CHAPTER V: CONCLUSION ~ STRANDS OF THREE .... 150 APPENDICES .... 158 Appendix 1: Monikers .... 159 Appendix 2: Family Tree .... 160 Appendix 3: Tyndale Research and Ethics Board Approval .... 161 Appendix 4: Qualifications of a Certified Spiritual Director .... 162 Appendix 5: Announcement Letter .... 163 Appendix 6: Information Letter .... 165 Appendix 7: Research Study Consent Form .... 168 Appendix 8: Permission to Adapt Resources .... 170 8.1. Retreat in Daily Life .... 170 8.2. The Empty Cup .... 171 8.3. Safe Place and Core Longings .... 172 8.4. Conversation Circles .... 173 8.5. The Feeling Wheel .... 174 8.6. Johari Window Model .... 175 Appendix 9: SF-RDL Procedure .... 176 Appendix 10: Data Gathering Instruments .... 177 10.1. SF-RDL Participant In-Take Interview .... 177 10.2. SF-RDL Participant After-Care Interview and Closing Session .... 178 Page xii 10.3. SF-RDL Participant Weekly Questionnaire .... 179 10.4. SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire ..181 10.5. SF-RDL Notetaker Opening/Closing Session Observations .... 182 10.6. SF-RDL Notetaker Opening Session Agenda with Questions .... 184 10.7. Post SF-RDL Expert Panel Questionnaire .... 185 10.8. SF-RDL Participant Feelings Log .... 186 Appendix 11: Group Learning Covenant .... 187 Appendix 12: SF-RDL Preparation .... 189 12.1. Journal Article: Ziegler .... 189 12.2. The Feeling Wheel .... 190 12.3. Core Longings .... 192 12.4. Interior Awareness .... 193 12.5. Pre-SF-RDL Engagement Template .... 194 Appendix 13: Equipage Handouts .... 195 13.1. Retreat in Daily Life .... 197 13.2. Preparing for Spiritual Direction .... 199 13.3. Lectio Divina .... 200 13.4. Gospel Contemplation .... 201 13.5. Safe Place .... 203 13.6. The Empty Cup ... 204 13.7. Remembrance Symbol .... 206 13.8. Imagination .... 208 13.9. Johari Window .... 210 13.10. Conversation Circles .... 212 13.11. Reflective Pause .... 214 Appendix 14: SF-RDL Weekly Themes .... 216 14.1. Week 1 Theme: The Gift of Belovedness .... 217 14.2. Week 2 Theme: The Gift of Being Emptied .... 218 14.3. Week 3 Theme: The Gift of Calling .... 219 14.4. Week 4 Theme: The Gift of With-ness .... 220 14.5. Week 5 Theme: The Gift of Contemplation .... 221 14.6. Week 6 Theme: The Gift of Questions .... 222 14.7. Week 7 Theme: The Gift of Feelings .... 223 14.8. Journey Tracker .... 224 Appendix 15: Word Cloud .... 225 Appendix 16: Contemplative and Evocative .... 226 Appendix 17: Participant Discernment .... 228 Appendix 18: Expert Panel Feedback .... 230 REFERENCE LIST .... 232 Page xiii LIST OF FIGURES Figure 1: Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model .... 85 Figure 2: Personalized TSFM in Supervision .... 94 Figure 3: Frequency of Combined FB and FA Words Used .... 129 Figure 4: Averaged Participant Ratings to Questionnaire Categories .... 130 Figure 5: Director Observation of Receptivity to CEA .... 131 Figure 6: Participant Attentiveness to Interior Movement .... 132 Figure 7: Director Attentiveness to Participant Interior Movement .... 133 Figure 8: Participant Discernment After Seven Weeks .... 135 Figure 9: Integration of TSFM and Portfolio .... 154 Page xiv LIST OF TABLES Table 1: Phases and Timetables of the SF-RDL .... 115 Table 2: Data Collection Methods and Purpose for the SF-RDL .... 121 Table 3: Data Collection Sources for the SF-RDL .... 122 Table 4: Coding Categories for the SF-RDL .... 123 Table 5: Stages of Participant Discernment .... 134 Table 6: Expert Panel Response to SF-RDL .... 144 Page xv ABBREVIATIONS CCPC Canadian Council of Professional Certification CEA Contemplative Evocative Approach CSD Certified Spiritual Director CSDS Certified Spiritual Director Supervisor DMin Doctor of Ministry DR Design Research FA Feelings After FB Feelings Before MDiv Master of Divinity MTS Master of Theological Studies RDL Retreat in Daily Life REB Research Ethics Board SF-RDL Supervision Focused Retreat in Daily Life TASD Tyndale Association of Spiritual Directors TSD Trinitarian Spiritual Direction TSF Trinitarian Spiritual Formation TSFC Tyndale Spiritual Formation Centre TSSD Trinitarian Supervision of Spiritual Directors TSFM Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model Page xvi GLOSSARY Body: Brain, biochemistry, anatomy, basic drives, instincts, and functions (Franklin, 2021). Contemplative presence: A loving, non-judgmental hospitality attentive to the Trinity, self and the other in a posture of awareness, availability, and trust. Evocative approach: Noticing, exploring, and honouring the responses that emerge from a contemplative posture—active participation in what the Trinity is calling forth. Soul: Mind, spirit, heart and will (Franklin, 2021). Spiritual directee: Person who receives spiritual direction. Spiritual direction: “Help given by one believer to another that enables the latter to pay attention to God’s personal communication to him or her, to respond to this personally communicating God, to grow in intimacy with this God, and to live out the consequences of the relationship” (Barry and Connolly 2009, 8). Spiritual director: Person who gives spiritual direction. Spiritual director supervisor: Spiritual director who supervises directors. Supervision: “The processing of the inner experiences of spiritual directors that are evoked during direction sessions in order to help them grow in awareness of their reactions and responses, to allow them to respond in a God-centered and interiorly free manner, and to maintain a contemplative focus” (Conroy 1995, 13). Trinitarian Spiritual Formation: The ongoing transformation of the soul and body participating with the Trinity in honoring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. Vocation: “The notion of vocation (from the Latin word vocare, meaning “to call”) is less about finding one and more about having it revealed to us” (Martin 2007). Page xvii CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION ~ YEARNINGS I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. ~ Psalm 32:8 The Tyndale Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation “focuses on personal spiritual growth and practice, the academic study of Christian spirituality, and the ministry of spiritual formation” (Doctor of Ministry Handbook, Part 1 2018-19, 49). The twelve courses on offer were alluring to me. I wanted to make “Space for God,” spend time “Listening to God,” and increase in “Desiring God.” A colleague’s keen observation, “God has called to you through the DMin syllabus,” resonated deeply. Jesuit spiritual master Fleming (2008a, 37) states, “God calls. We respond.” Through undertaking the doctoral program, I desired to better (1) discern God’s voice, (2) understand what spiritual formation is, and (3) serve in ministry with integrity. Jesuit priest Martin (2010, 61) maintains, “Naming our desires tells us something about who we are.” My desire was to experience God’s transformative love. This Portfolio for the Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation is comprised of three major projects. The first is a Spiritual Autobiography describing my spiritual formation. A childhood desire to know God’s voice has permeated my story, shaped my life choices, and drawn me to the ministries of spiritual direction and supervision. The second is a Model of Spiritual Formation that develops a theological and practical model of spiritual formation and uses the Page 1 historical approach of Ignatian spirituality to spiritual formation as a primary resource (Developing a Model of Spiritual Formation Course Syllabus, 2018-19). I begin by exploring what others in the Christian community understand by spiritual formation before introducing my working definition of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation. I then apply this understanding to my Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model. The third is a Field Research Project focusing on a ministry of spiritual formation. Given my ministry context of spiritual direction, my project attends to the spiritual formation of directors discerning a vocational call to the supervision of directors. By introducing the directors to a contemplative evocative approach toward Trinitarian Spiritual Formation, this had the desired effect of enriching their spiritual formation and thus, informing their discernment with regards to their vocational call. My introduction to a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual direction came post Internship, first through a Supervision Workshop held by the Tyndale Association of Spiritual Directors (2011) and then through a Souljourners’ retreat at Mount St. Scholastica, a Benedictine monastery in Kansas (2018). A contemplative evocative approach, introduced by Conroy (1995, 40) for the supervision of directors, is transferable to spiritual formation. A contemplative presence invites a listening hospitality toward the Trinity, the self, and by extension, the other. This creates a non-judgmental environment where the Trinity, in welcoming the whole person, either exposes hidden sins or draws out hidden beauties, depending on what is most needed (Lawrence 2016, 1314). An evocative approach involves noticing, exploring, and honouring the responses that Page 2 emerge—active participation in what the Trinity is calling forth. A contemplative evocative approach, therefore, is a receptivity toward God, self and other through the non-judgmental listening and exploration that elicits an authentic response from self and other toward the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thus creating space for new meaning and experiences of freedom, joy, and love. Three seemingly random questions have become significant guideposts for my Portfolio. The first question emerged in the writing of my Spiritual Autobiography when I remembered wondering, as a seven-year-old, How will I know God’s voice? Miller (2004, 18) says that a “God-given-but-hidden yearning for home is imbedded deep within our being” and tugs at the soul. Little did I know then that God, the Primary Mover, had initiated this question and created a life-long yearning to come home to Him. My self-talk at the time (“I should know the answer”) conflicted with my true identity as defined by Jesus (His sheep know His voice [see John 10:4]). This intense desire to hear God’s voice, weighty in its presence and without preamble, came from a place deep within that I had intuitively detected. I was too young to understand that God had captured my attention through this question and that through this question He was revealing Himself to me. Jesuits Barry and Connolly (2009, 48) identify two tasks of spiritual directors: “First, helping directees pay attention to [their] self-revealing God; second, helping directees recognize their reactions and decide on their responses to this God.” Theologian and pastor Shepherd insists that “God speaks to us, enabling us to speak to Him, so we are response-able and responsible” (Lecture Page 3 2016). I wonder what would have happened if, like Samuel, my seven-year-old self would have had an Eli to whom to run? How could I have been helped to pay attention to this self-revealing God and recognize He was wooing me to Him through curiosity? How could I have been encouraged to respond to God with the words, “Speak, LORD, your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:9)? It seems fitting that I was drawn to spiritual direction, where I now listen to the God-given yearnings and sacred experiences of others. The second question that I harboured for seven years fueled the creation of my model of spiritual formation. While supervising Tyndale graduate directors, I noticed a heavy reliance on “moral guidance, psychological counselling, preaching or healing ministries,” contrary to spiritual direction (Barry and Connolly 2009, xii), in an attempt to alleviate how directees were experiencing life. While the value of the Myers-Briggs, the Enneagram, emotion-focused therapy, mentoring, and other tools and models is undeniable, their misapplication in spiritual direction often superseded the work Jesus was doing, even in the directee’s discomfort. As a relatively new supervisor in 2012, I was unsure how to attend to these hybrid forms of spiritual direction, for example, spiritual direction plus emotion-focused therapy. A question arising from this that refused to be silent in its need to be answered was, What makes spiritual direction, spiritual direction? In an article entitled “Is it Time for a Reformation of Spiritual Formation? Recovering Ontology,” Trinitarian theologian Ziegler (2018, 74) identified what had been concerning me: “Christologically anemic versions of anthropologically- Page 4 centered Spiritual formation” giving rise to “Christologically anemic versions of anthropologically-centered” spiritual direction. As a supervisor, I often wondered if there were a connection between incomplete theology and self-styled ministry that is ineffectual in matters of theological importance. Scottish theologian and professor Purves (2007, 13) rightly points out that “even when [directors] conduct [ministry] from the best spiritual, therapeutic and moral motives, they are not redemptive. Only the ministry of Jesus is redemptive.” Thus, in Ziegler’s article, several bubbling convictions coalesced: theology is important to ministry; trinitarian doctrine is crucial to theology; and spiritual formation adrift from trinitarian theology compromises the integrity of spiritual direction, namely, ministry apart from Jesus is impossible. Jesus is the Spiritual Director, and this is not merely a courtesy title. My favourite course in my Master of Theological Studies (MTS) was Spiritual Formation. However, I noticed it was a term that seemed to elicit different reactions within the Christian community. Over time, I began to sense a threefold wariness. First was the growing popularization of spiritualities that can be associated with any religion. Second was the tendency toward syncretism, where “many Christians also hold what are sometimes characterized as ‘New Age’ beliefs—including belief in reincarnation, astrology, psychics . . . ” (Gecewicz 2018). Third was the ease with which God is interchangeable with a depersonalized “higher power.” Add to this the use of vocabulary open to different interpretations, and this guardedness, particularly on the part of theologians, began to make sense. Page 5 In rudimentary terms, I understood spiritual formation to be the formation of my spirit through spiritual disciplines to become more Christlike. Yet, a self- help mentality toward spiritual formation is predominantly self-led, while a three- dimensional understanding of spiritual formation invites “participation in the Son’s relation with the Father through the Spirit” (Ziegler 2018, 74). Jesus Himself says in John 14:12 that “anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.” Not only are believers in Christ in relationship with the Father but also are able to participate in His ministry, which He began on earth and continues post-resurrection to do in the Spirit through them. Drawing on Ziegler’s (2018) attention to the Trinity, Franklin’s (2021) soul-body dualism and the Scripture passages of Mark 12:29-31 and Matthew 28:19-20, I developed the resulting descriptor of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation that I will use throughout this Portfolio. By prefacing spiritual formation with trinitarian, this connects “spiritual” to the Trinity and identifies the Spirit as doing the formation of the soul and body. Thus, the full expression of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation is the ongoing transformation of the soul and body participating with the Trinity in honoring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. Trinitarian Spiritual Formation will inform my Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model. The third question guiding my Field Research Project emerged from noticing a growing need not only for supervisors for directors giving spiritual direction at Tyndale Seminary of Tyndale University but also for directors Page 6 discerning a vocation to supervision. Vocation as Martin (2007) understands it from the Latin word vocare is “less about finding one and more about having it revealed to us.” The number of directors graduating from the Spiritual Direction Internship continues to expand, so it is prudent to invest in supervisors, not only for the Tyndale community but also for likeminded communities. Supervision provides ethical accountability, which, according to Spiritual Directors International co-founder Tucker (Supervision Workshop 2015), serves as the primary source of ongoing skills development and, I might add, ministerial care. Ruffing (pers. comm., January 18, 2020) stated that not all directors have the psychological resiliency to become supervisors. Therefore, I wanted to encourage directors as a first step to discern what Jesus has planned in advance for them to do (see Ephesians 2:10). The ensuing question guided the research project: Does attending to the spiritual formation of directors through a contemplative evocative approach better equip them to discern a calling to the supervision of directors? During the in-take interviews, participants expressed enthusiasm at being introduced to a contemplative evocative approach toward spiritual formation. Preparatory work included reflective reading of Ziegler’s article. Then, over the course of seven weeks, participants were guided in three ways: (1) weekly spiritual reflections named Equipage Handouts (see app. 13) championing a contemplative evocative approach toward spiritual formation; (2) weekly themed Scripture readings (see app. 14) fostering a reverent attentiveness to Jesus through the participants’ sanctified imagination to be with and observe Him in ministry, in anticipation that discernment of vocational calling to supervision would emerge Page 7 from the conversations participants had with Jesus; and (3) weekly meetings with an assigned director trained in a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual direction, helping participants experience and develop a contemplative evocative approach toward their spiritual formation, influencing their approach toward spiritual direction, and strengthening the foundation of those being called to supervision. Not all directors are called to become supervisors to directors serving in spiritual direction. Hebrews 5:4 says, “And no one can become a high priest simply because he wants such an honour. He must be called by God for this work, just as Aaron was.” How, then, do directors know they are being called by God for this work of supervision? In my own life experience, the invitation to become a supervisor to Internship directors had brought me back to the question: How will I know God’s voice? I had been terrified, and because of my own insecurities I had attempted to run in the opposite direction. However, paying attention to what was being offered to me—the joy of witnessing God at work in another—I had obediently yielded. Ever since then, I have experienced an ongoing desire to seek training and read all I can about the ministry of supervision (learning even in the giving of supervision) so that I might fully participate with and in Jesus as I supervise directors. It is hoped that this exploration of spiritual formation can contribute to the ministry of spiritual direction and supervision in three ways: (1) emphasize the importance of trinitarian doctrine in spiritual formation upon which spiritual direction rests, (2) encourage directors to reflect on their understanding of and Page 8 investment in spiritual formation that is trinitarian based, and (3) develop a trinitarian framework for spiritual direction and supervision. Spiritual formation, foundational for all directors who are also directees, is equally applicable to those discerning a call to supervision. Names are important to God. He names Himself Abba (Purves 2007, 39). The knowing of one’s name is crucial since it affects identity, personhood, and relationship (37), as well as enabling the named to respond to the call of God in ministry. As Catholic priest and theologian Henri Nouwen once said (quoted in Purves 2007, 127), “We cannot minister in the name of God if we are not living into the name of God.” Chapter II, my spiritual autobiography, is the story of how I came to know my Father’s voice so that I could then hear the name He calls me and live into the truth of who I am and Whose I am (Isaiah 43:1). The lifelong challenge of living into this truth is in trusting the Father, resting in the Son, and allowing the Spirit to do His transformative work. Page 9 CHAPTER II: SPIRITUAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY ~ NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES I have called you by name; you are Mine. ~ Isaiah 43:1 A name can say much about a person. Either the meaning of the name reflects the character of the person or the unique character of the person becomes associated with that name. Names, over time, embody, identify, and encapsulate who one is and the story that indwells. There are birthnames, affectionate nicknames, and the name a person consciously or subconsciously tries to live up to or live down. Of all the different kinds of names, however, the most telling are the ones to which a person answers. This spiritual autobiography revolves around relationships with people whose actual names I wish to protect. As a spiritual director, protecting the identities of directees is second nature to me. Inspired by Bunyan’s Pilgrim Progress (1959), I have assigned monikers (see app. 1 and 2) to characters in this autobiography that represent my perspective. The events I recall are my points of view and experiences at the time; each of the characters will have his or her own recollection. Being misnamed influenced the way I saw, experienced, and thought of myself. It has taken the call of the Father, the love of the Son, and the work of the Spirit for me to know the name He calls me. Renamed, I am learning to become who I already am in Him (Reimer 2016, 28). Page 10 Creator God I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. ~ Jeremiah 1:5 Monarch was a force to be reckoned with. As a fashion designer with forty machinists creating beautiful gowns, her list of clientele read like the “Who’s Who” of Filipino celebrity—from the wife of Vice President Lopez to Miss Philippines herself. Since her husband, Patriarch, was a teacher, Monarch controlled operations tightly, both at work and at home, almost single-handedly raising five children, one boy and four girls, in the busy capital city of Makati. Quixotic was the second child but first daughter. Together with her older brother they were responsible for the other children. Monarch experienced seven major operations, forcing Quixotic to take responsibility for her siblings each time her mother was hospitalized. Terrified that Monarch would not return from the hospital, Quixotic devotedly prayed to the Virgin Mary to spare her mother’s life. More than a thousand kilometers away is the city of Kowloon in Hong Kong where Humble, the youngest of three boys born to Materfamilias and Paterfamilias, lived. While pregnant with her third son, Materfamilias had fallen gravely ill. Despite great odds, Humble was born. He was six years old when the Japanese invaded Hong Kong. To help supplement the family income Humble ran errands and did odd jobs and thus never completed his education. Eventually, through family connections, Humble found work at Hong Kong International Airport, which allowed him to travel. As a result, Quixotic and Humble’s paths crossed. Page 11 With Monarch’s approval, Humble and Quixotic began a courtship. Humble converted to Catholicism, and the couple were married at San Roque Parish church, with the wife of the Vice President of the Philippines standing in as godparent-in-marriage. The wedding breakfast was featured in the local newspaper along with the announcement that the newlyweds would be traveling to England, where the groom would be working for BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation) at Heathrow, the major international airport in London. Three months after their honeymoon, before Quixotic could adjust to living in a foreign country, she became pregnant. She attended daily mass, praying to the Virgin Mary for a son in order to fulfill cultural expectations. Biological research shows that babies in utero swim in the emotions of their mother. Her deep desire for a son meant at some subconscious level I knew I would be a disappointment to her before I was even born. After delivery, Quixotic succumbed to post-partum depression and had to be re-admitted into the hospital for a longer stay. Although I was temporarily placed in foster care, my father defied convention and faithfully visited me each day after work, holding and soothing me with his reassuring voice. In time, I was reunited with my parents. Fifteen months after I was born, Quixotic was to be disappointed a second time when she birthed Benevolent. A miscarriage followed, then Vivacious was born—Quixotic’s third disappointment. Quixotic had to be hospitalized again for post-partum depression. Sadly, there was to be another miscarriage—this time twins. Quixotic unexpectedly got pregnant again with Surprise, the fourth and final disappointment. The deliveries of Vivacious and Surprise brought a visit Page 12 from Materfamilias, presumably to help Quixotic. These visits could not have been an easy time for Quixotic, facing the disappointment of her mother-in-law after having given birth to four daughters instead of much-prized sons. After Paterfamilias’ death, Materfamilias lived four months of the year with each of her three sons. While it was fun anticipating her arrival, I sensed tension whenever my grandmother visited, although I was too young to understand why. Since my grandmother could not speak English and my mother could not speak Cantonese, a language barrier existed between these women. Communication was difficult on many other levels, including religious and cultural expectations. Yet, I never once felt resentment from my father for having only daughters and, I never once heard my mother complain about her mother-in- law. Since my father worked long hours, these women had to figure out how make their relationship work. Quixotic loved to tell stories. Her stories, revolving around her family of origin and the extensive community of which they were a part, were always full of colour (with a moral nugget tucked in somewhere) and rich in drama. She often related stories from her childhood over lunchtime, and as she effortlessly drew us into her storytelling, we finished our meals in no time. Her love of telling stories included the stories of God. Benevolent and I were around three and four years old, respectively, sitting in the sun-filled living room of our two-bedroom house, when she told us the creation story. I can still see creation forming in my mind’s eye as I followed her narrative. I do not remember her dwelling on the creation of humans but rather on it’s beauty at the hands of an incredible Creator. Our mother Page 13 wove a beautiful description of a lush paradise with every creature and plant made for Adam and Eve. I also do not remember her focusing on the sin of Adam and Eve but rather on the creativeness of God. My first introduction to God in playful technicolour was sacred. I am not entirely sure how or when God morphed into an old man with a long beard sitting on a rocking chair in my parents’ attic, but He did. I wonder if at some point Santa Claus and God merged together, with Catholic theology catapulting Him into the dark recess of the attic. Regardless, it was to this figure alone that I prayed nightly, as there was a measure of safety knowing He was just “upstairs.” After reciting the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be each night, I faithfully prayed for each member in my family, a register of sorts for the small circle of people about whom I cared. As I grew, so did my prayer list. However, the major item on that list was my desire to attend university; the all-consuming focus of my parents became mine. Being the oldest, I felt pressure to fulfill my father’s wish for me to go to university, justifying the sacrifices he had made to emigrate to England for the sake of his children’s education. However, my sisters had no such aspirations; Benevolent struggled with academics, Vivacious rebelled against academics, and Surprise was more creative than academic. Neither of my parents was able to help us academically, and so it was up to God to help me achieve my goals. As a trade-off, I honoured all the rites of passage expected of Catholics. I particularly remember my First Holy Communion. Rehearsal for the big day took place in the sanctuary of the church. I recall kneeling besides my classmates in the Page 14 pew when the question, How will I know God’s voice? emerged out of nowhere. Yearning to know the answer, I lifted my head and looked around for a teacher to ask. But as I continued to mull this question over in my mind, I became hesitant to ask an adult for fear I would be scolded for asking a question to which I should already know the answer. I quietly carried this question with me into adulthood. On the morning of my First Holy Communion, I vividly recollect the journey to church in our sun-drenched car as sunbeams shimmering through the window gently kissed my upturned face. I was happy and excited about this next stage in my relationship with God, where I would get to partake in the Eucharist. The childlike joy I experienced then is palpable to this day, and I can not help wondering if that instinctive part of me, albeit underdeveloped at the time, was simply caught up in God’s own delight. The confession box played a big part in our Catholic upbringing. My sins most often were comprised of arguments I had with my sisters, and the allotted Our Fathers or Hail Marys would be administered. I loved confession. I cherished the safety of the confession box (all the better for being dark) and the soothing voice of our priest as he listened to our transgressions. I loved how I felt post- confession, like having a clean slate after the penance was given and said. I worked hard at being good but, over time, trying to remain sinless became an uphill struggle. In contrast to my mother’s hospitality to the biblical narrative of creation, the Catholic church led me to believe the Bible was an intimidating book, and I was never encouraged to privately read it for myself. However, for religion class Page 15 the Bible became a reference book of facts for O-level and, later, A-level religion exams. I memorized verses so that I might reproduce them word for word under exam conditions. The facts of the virgin birth and Jesus’ resurrection from the dead simply reinforced what a powerful and miraculous God I prayed to. Around age eighteen, my curiosity about the Bible increased beyond informational reading. Ironically, it was with a streak of rebellion that I decided to read the Bible in secret. I am not sure why I chose the Psalms, but suddenly I was transported into another world—a world where words of praise were exquisite and a sense of God’s presence was tangible. I was in awe. My struggles in studying for my A-levels exams in geography, biology, and religion required divine help. The book of Psalms contained the prayers I did not know how to pray, the emotions I did not know how to express, and the desires I did not know I had. The Word became a soothing balm to my soul, encouraging me to keep persevering with my studies. Reading these psalms became a covert nightly ritual between God and me, something I looked forward to at the end of the day. My sisters and I attended Catholic schools throughout primary and secondary levels. This consistency meant two things. First, much of what I experienced spiritually in school became an integral part of me that I did not question. Daily morning assembly under the guiding influence of the nuns were infused with prayer and enriched by hymns of old, feeding my formative soul with theology beyond my comprehension. Second, my education and religion became so intertwined that I could not separate one from the other, such as working hard to get good grades and working hard to please God or being Page 16 obedient to the nuns and being obedient to God. At that time, I was unable to integrate the warm experience of praying the psalms with the cold realities of life. Although our culture separated my sisters and me from our classmates, our Catholicism gave us a common identity. At the very least, everyone went to church once a week. We shared the same parish priest who would take time to visit families and who, if we needed to visit him, would guarantee us an audience. Even though we used chopsticks at home while our classmates used forks and knives and had Chinese middle names while they had Christian middle names, in church we all gazed on the same crucified Christ. Sharing the same faith culture and being fully conversant with church rituals allowed for a modicum of tolerance, which, in time, helped normalize us amongst the Catholic English. Yet, our physical appearance set us apart from others. Our black hair and brown eyes in a sea of blonde, red, and brunette heads with blue, grey, and hazel eyes stood out. From kindergarten, I knew I looked different and thus felt lesser than my white friends, probably because there were more of them and only one of me. As I grew older, I quickly learned how cruel the world outside of school can be to those who do not conform to the norm. Unaware of the racial tension my own parents faced or even the depth of their homesickness, we had no counterbalance at home to the racial slurs we encountered. The tiredness that characterized my parents’ lives meant there was no time for openly sharing our struggles and certainly no talk of our Chinese heritage and being proud of who we were. Speaking in the local accent slowly granted me acceptance and, in time, my Page 17 outward differences mattered less and I eventually created a safe enough environment where assimilation enabled me to enjoy my school years. Since her father was a teacher, my mother taught us to respect our teachers. The nuns were inspiring. Our headmistress, Mother Superior, was revered in our school community. Although I had a healthy fear of her, I was not afraid to be in her company. It was in my first year at St. Teresa’s (high school) that my father, having worked for BOAC long enough to qualify for a free annual family ticket to anywhere in the world, wanted to take our family to the Philippines for the entire month of December. For this I needed permission to finish the term earlier than usual. Mother Superior agreed on condition I keep a written journal of our holiday, which I would submit to her upon my return. This assignment became a journalling habit that remains to this day. I grew up in Stanwell, a working-class neighbourhood a few miles from Heathrow Airport. Although international passengers came and went, we were the first Asian family to move into this area of houses rented from the airlines. Surrounding us was the broken-down council estate of Viola Avenue (nicknamed Violent Avenue), welfare tenements rented out to those on social assistance. Every day, as my sisters and I stood waiting for our school bus, we would see the effect drug and alcohol abuse had on the Viola Avenue teens. This served to reinforce what my parents were teaching me—education is important for a better life. Quietly watching the young teenage mothers pushing their babies past us inspired me to study hard just so I could leave the area. Page 18 My liberation from Stanwell arrived in an envelope from London University. Years of study and sitting exams finally culminated on this one beautiful, sunshine-filled day in August when my A-level results came out and I had miraculously met the university requirements. My acceptance into the Bachelor of Arts in Geography at University College London was not only the answer to my prayers and the reward for years of studying and sitting exams but also the recompense of my parents’ sacrifices. My years at university were spectacular. One evening while chatting with my newfound geography friends (who would become lifelong friends), the conversation turned to religion. I was challenged as to why I believed in Jesus. I was taken aback at the question, not realizing then how good a question it was. That night, I mulled the question over in my mind. I realized God had been a part of my life from the beginning, and I could not imagine living without Him. Besides, was He not the One who got me into university? I owed Him a lifetime of gratitude just for that alone. I am not exactly sure of the sequence of my thoughts, but I do know that before I fell asleep, I came to the very satisfying conclusion that God was important to me and to live without Him was inconceivable. I slept so peacefully that night. Since I had told my father I would try to learn Cantonese, I intended to join the Chinese Society during the Freshers’ Fayre. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could not find their sign-up table. Retracing my steps, I was intercepted by a student who asked if I would like to join the Malaysian Society. My reply was, “Where is Malaysia?” The student’s friendliness and warmth impelled me to join. Page 19 After that, the number of Malaysians I met began to grow exponentially. Although I eventually found the Chinese Society, the stronger pull toward the Malaysians meant I never did learn Cantonese. That, for the most part was due to meeting a Chinese Malaysian (of Chinese origin born in Malaysia), Fun-Loving. I was captivated by Fun-Loving’s playfulness and sense of humour and was drawn to the way the Malaysians loved to party, eat, and laugh. Within a year of meeting, Fun-Loving and I began to date, and I was soon learning much about his country: their national language was Malay; their religion was Islam; but the three races of Malay, Chinese and Indian made up their growing population. Life at university was nothing like life in Stanwell. I was caught up into the world of academia and international friendships, and the Malaysian Society quickly became my second home to the geography department. Throughout university, I remained an obedient, good Catholic girl. I made weekly mass a priority regardless of what my plans were for the weekend. Meanwhile, each of my sisters was responding to our Catholic upbringing according to her personality and response to her experiences. Benevolent had become a nurse and—given all the suffering she had witnessed on the ward and the unanswered prayers—an atheist. Vivacious pulled away from her religious moorings and indulged in anything that would numb the pain of parental disappointment inside the home and rejection by society outside of the home. Quietly watching us all was Surprise. When Surprise was sixteen, she flew to the Philippines with my parents and returned home a born-again Christian who spoke in tongues. Benevolent and I Page 20 were completely unnerved. While attending a Pentecostal church, Surprise had recognized God’s peace as the source of happiness that exuded from the people around her. This opened her eyes to the reality she was a sinner in need of redemption. Surprise tried to witness to each of her resistant older sisters. As I held great affection for Surprise, I listened even as I made it clear that I was a Catholic with no intention of changing. However, Surprise would not relent. When Benevolent went on an impromptu trip to the Philippines with Surprise, she agreed to attend the same Pentecostal church that had been transformative for Surprise. During the altar call, Benevolent asked God, “Do you love me?” To her shock, her cynicism met Divine Love as God clearly replied, “I love you.” This was accompanied by a warm sensation in her heart (she had no idea of John Wesley’s experience), and from then on, Benevolent became a believer. Two weeks after her sixteenth birthday, Vivacious was placed in a foster home. Regardless, Surprise persisted in her campaign to share the Good News with Vivacious. Unknown to her, God was at work through Vivacious’ pregnant friend, Unsuspecting, who had been diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. One Tuesday evening, Surprise brought a pastor to pray for a miracle over Unsuspecting. On Thursday afternoon as Vivacious walked down the hospital corridor to visit her friend, she told God, “If you are real and you heal my friend, I will do everything I can to find out about you.” As Vivacious entered the hospital ward, she found Unsuspecting sitting in her room with the biggest smile on her face. All Vivacious could say was, “No!” to which Unsuspecting replied, “Yeah!” Page 21 Every cancer cell in her body had completely disappeared. Vivacious stayed true to her word and is now, as are all of us sisters, a lifelong, committed believer. Surprise continued to hunt me down in prayer. Having graduated from university, I was now sharing an apartment with my best friend, Exquisite. One morning, deep in thought about my relationship with God, I realized I knew everything there was to know about Catholic rituals but asked myself, “Do I really know God? Is it not one thing to say God is my Father and another to say I know who God my Father is?” I felt foolish asking out loud, “Who are You?” but there was no reply, audible or otherwise. Thereafter, Exquisite and I embarked on a year-long search for God by attending local churches. Some were dry. Some were dying. Some were depressing. It was frustrating to leave the consistency of the Catholic camp only to find inconsistency in the Protestant camp. While this was unfolding, Fun-Loving proposed after seven years of dating. I had three months to plan the wedding, after which we would emigrate to Malaysia. I did not like the thought of Fun-Loving converting to Catholicism in order to marry me; I did not want him to convert for my sake nor did I want to bring up any children as Catholics. In fact, it was my decision to marry a non- Catholic that finally hurtled me into the Protestant sphere. I was grateful Fun- Loving would even consider a church wedding, for regardless of my spiritual confusion, it was important that God be part of my momentous day. The day finally came for us to get married. Having taken care of all the wedding plans for the past three months, organizing family and in-laws-to-be gatherings over the last few weeks, and then seeing to my family’s needs the Page 22 morning of the wedding, I finally had a quiet moment to myself. I remember pausing on that cold November afternoon as I left for the church with my father. I looked up at the winter sky to the sun shining down on me, and immediately I felt God’s presence in the warmth of the sunbeams. I drew great comfort from this. A month after we married, we emigrated to Malaysia. My whole family came to Heathrow Airport to bid Fun-Loving and me a tearful farewell. As I was about to take my final leave, Surprise pressed into my hand a praise worship tape cassette entitled Come To The Table (Nystrom 1991). I was irritated by her last- minute bid to meddle in my spiritual affairs, probably because I was so confused myself. Knowing this gift meant a lot to Surprise, and since Surprise meant a lot to me, I swallowed my irritation and accepted the cassette, cramming it into my hand luggage before proceeding to the plane bound for Kuala Lumpur. As Jesus and His disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. ~ Luke 10:38-39 (NIV) Gracious God ~ Thank You for coming into the village of Stanwell, a place of darkness and difficulty for me, a place where I was a foreigner. You became my Safe House. Thank You for my mother’s gift of storytelling that enabled me to open my home to You and for the many ways You were present to me whether I recognized You or not. Thank You for receiving my childlike prayers, all self-centred and limited in vision and scope. You refined them in ways that continue to draw me to Yourself. Thank You for sunshine and school, for teachers and friendships, for forgiveness and divine love; thank you for the chance to experience life beyond brokenness. Thank You for the gift of my sisters and the myriad ways they encourage me in my faith journey. May we all be found at Your feet, ever attentive to You and only You. In Jesus’ safe name I pray. ~ Amen. Page 23 Gracious Saviour My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV I had been to Malaysia once before on holiday to visit Fun-Loving and his family. As a tourist I had enjoyed Asia, but arriving as a new immigrant, I experienced the country as different and foreign. Far from home and those I loved, I was overwhelmed with the sense of displacement, and for the first time in my life, I fell into a deep depression. Since our nearby apartment was still being built, we were to live with Fun-Loving’s mother, Revered, together with his older sister, Favoured. I had nothing but admiration for Revered and dearly hoped she would come to love me as she did Favoured and Fun-Loving. Even though I am ethnically Chinese, living in England with a father who embraced life over superstition and practicality over custom meant I did not have a traditional Chinese upbringing. During an in-law discussion, I became conscious of the differences in our culture and, not wishing to unintentionally offend, asked Revered to let me know what I needed to know in order to respect her Malaysian Chinese culture. Soon after, she drew me aside and privately told me of the Chinese saying: “Family are like limbs—they are irreplaceable; spouses are like clothing—they can be replaced.” This set the tone for our relationship and how, through her, the extended family would view me. Unconsciously following my own mother’s example, I tried to make my relationship with Revered work but to no avail. It would take years of quietly observing the family hierarchy and mannerisms before I could unravel the subtle politics and decipher the unspoken Page 24 rules. Many times, I felt as if I were traversing an endless minefield, never knowing when I contravened a superstition or family taboo until a landmine exploded in my face. As a foreign wife, I was prohibited from working in Malaysia, and so Fun- Loving was to be the breadwinner for us both. It was a humbling position for me. Asians work long hours, and Fun-Loving’s working week commenced early Monday morning until lunchtime on Saturday. I faced an excruciating challenge each day as to how to fill my hours until Fun-Loving returned home. For the first time in my life, everything that defined me had been taken away, and I felt adrift. It gradually occurred to me that I had defined myself according to my earning power, and now that I could not earn anything, I found myself revisiting the proverbial question, Who am I? I spent much time weeping and wondering if I would go blind from the all the tears. Each moment I had with my husband was all the more precious, and I especially looked forward to Saturday afternoons when he finished work. One Saturday, Fun-Loving arrived home from work only to get ready to go out again to watch a cricket match with his best friend. I was blindsided, for I had no idea Fun-Loving had made an alternative plan for that Saturday. Having waited patiently for five and a half days to be alone with him, and having given up everything that was familiar to me in England, surely he owed his non-working time to me. It seemed not. As Fun-Loving sheepishly left me in his mother’s empty apartment, I dazedly walked into our room at a total loss as to how to fill the rest of the day. In an effort to comfort myself and without realizing what I was Page 25 doing, I inserted the cassette tape that Surprise had given me at Heathrow airport and pressed play. The opening music began to swirl around me, and as soon as Nystrom (1991) spoke, I was captivated: “Isn’t it good to know that we don’t have to strive in our own righteousness to be good enough for God but that His grace alone is sufficient . . . ?” As the music continued to swell, I was swept up by the words he sang, filling the room with God’s very presence. Yes, I was weak, but God’s grace was sufficient. I was surrendering everything in which I had trusted—Fun- Loving in particular. I was resting in God’s promise of mercy, mercy which trumped judgment. Because of His blood, grace had set me free. When the song ended, I was transfixed. Stunned, I continued to sit in the silence of that moment. It was as if God had been talking directly to my heart. I lay Fun-Loving at Jesus’ feet and instantaneously felt a release in my spirit. In response to this revelation, I naively cried out, “Lord, if you can prove Yourself to me within the next year, I vow to give you my life.” What followed was a year of adventure that went beyond my wildest expectations, all recorded in journals to one day share with any children with whom God would bless me. The next day, I resolved to read the Bible from beginning to end. Accompanied by Through the Bible Every Day in One Year (Hughes and Partridge, 1990), I decided I would not get discouraged by what I did not know but rather would try and understand this God. Thus, I read with my heart. I did not belabour what I did apprehend or become discouraged by the challenge of the more difficult concepts, because I knew I would revisit them again. Through this Page 26 reading program, I was able to experience God’s heart for His people in the Old Testament, learn of Jesus’ love for all in the Gospels, and marvel at the works of the Holy Spirit from Acts onwards. I was enthralled by the Trinity, even though getting to know each of them and who they are in relation to me would take a lifetime of exploration and discovery. Trying to find a church in a strange city was a challenge. Fun-Loving was understandably concerned I not accidentally become involved with a cult, and to reassure him, I stayed with the familiar and attended Holy Mass. Each Sunday he would drive me to the Cathedral of St. John and then sit in a nearby coffee shop, waiting for the service to be over. One day when shopping with Revered and Fun- Loving, I was introduced to an elderly aunt-in-law who, to my delight, was attending a Brethren church called Ampang Gospel Centre in walking distance from Revered’s apartment. At that church, I met Big-Hearted, a Bible teacher who agreed to give me private Bible lessons. Having been baptised in the Catholic tradition, I did not think I had to be baptised again—but as we delved into Scripture, I realized this was something I had to address. Big-Hearted never pressured me but rather allowed me to undergo my own self-discovery of God. Yet, it was becoming more and more evident to me that I had to make a public declaration, especially living in Revered’s Buddhist home with her floor-to-ceiling altar, food offerings, and daily incense and living in an Islamic country that tolerated Christians but favoured Allah. As God’s allotted year to prove Himself to me—which He had more than fulfilled—was coming to an end, I knew that baptism was one way I Page 27 could honor my vow to dedicate my life to Him. Even though I still did not fully understand the theological implications of baptism, I took a step of faith. The week leading up to my baptism, Big-Hearted cautioned me that Satan would cause trouble; I was to be extra vigilant and prayerful. On the eve of my baptism, I was elated at having lived through the week unscathed, with no known hindrances. Thus, I was surprised when Big-Hearted, who had been praying over me throughout the week, called and encouraged me to get Fun-Loving’s permission to get baptised. I was upset—why would I need to ask him since this was my decision? Did he have any right to stop me if he said no? I was so determined to get baptised that nothing was going to stand in my way. I became quiet long enough to remember that Big-Hearted had never given me bad advice, and knowing I could trust her wisdom, I swallowed my arrogance and submitted. Every time I recall this moment, I thank God that I listened to Big- Hearted. She knew a few things of which I was not aware. Living in a male- dominated culture, I would be wise to ask my husband for permission to get baptised. Too many Malaysian born-again Christian women are dragged out of church by angry fathers, brothers, or husbands for practicing their Christian faith. Fun-Loving’s permission would be his agreement to my embrace of Christianity. Moreover, it would eliminate any unintentional secretiveness or gossip from extended family and friends of the family who might misconstrue the facts. Finally, I would be giving my husband what the Chinese call “face,” which meant I would honour him by obtaining his approval. My husband’s permission meant that no one could counteract or gainsay my decision. Revered and Favoured Page 28 declined to attend my baptism, but Fun-Loving comfortingly told me, “As long as I am there, that’s all that matters.” He was right. After I was baptised, my friendship with an evangelical Lutheran named Empowered became a significant part of my spiritual formation. She moved in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which were still foreign to me. I was fascinated to see how the Holy Spirit worked through her, especially with regards to speaking in tongues. She wholeheartedly recommended I pray for this as it would enable me to pray without ceasing. This did not come as easily as I had hoped, possibly because I went about it with an intellectual rather than a spiritual approach. Yet Empowered was determined that I receive this gift and encouraged me to open my mouth and say hallelujah over and over again. I felt shy. I felt silly. But I faithfully practiced in private. One weekend, Fun-Loving and I drove to visit his father in Ipoh. It was another hot afternoon in the sun as my husband and I walked around the town during my father-in-law’s nap. At one point, Fun-Loving went into a shop while I waited on the pavement outside, watching the traffic pass. I decided to practice my hallelujah exercise since this was as good a place as any. As I began to speak more rapidly, I burst into spontaneous words. These came unbidden and unintelligible, but I was too elated to care. I stopped momentarily, almost as if to test myself, and then tried again. To my delight, I continued to speak in tongues. If I had understood Empowered correctly, only God alone understood what I was praying, and this insight was as thrilling for me then as it is today. Page 29 I was now attending an Assemblies of God evangelical denomination, Calvary Church, where praying in tongues was the norm. In addition to church events, I attended every Christian conference led by overseas evangelists to which I could possibly go. Ellel Ministries was a deliverance ministry from the United Kingdom, and since I had never been to such a conference before, I was excited to attend. Over the next few days, I had every family curse or tie to ungodly associations broken. As we gathered for the last time in the cavernous hall, an invitation was given for all those who were wanting a child to stand. Having been unable to conceive for a year, I stood up along with enough hopeful couples to fill a classroom. Peter Horrobin, international director of Ellel Ministries, prayed that each of us would conceive a child, and I received that prayer in faith. Making my way back to my seat, a man in the audience said to me, “By April next year, you’ll have a baby.” I laughed, because that meant I would have had to have been pregnant at that point to give birth by April 1995. But just as the man predicted, we were blessed with the birth of our son, Prophesised, in March 1995. God blessed us two years later with our daughter, Intriguing, and two years after that, with our youngest son, Bonus. Each of my children was welcomed by and dedicated into the church. I experienced much love in my church family as I was introduced to a world of ever-deepening faith through these lifelong friendships. I was also attending the Mothers’ Life Group led by Astute, who had the ability to see into the spiritual world. Prayer for our husbands and children took highest priority. At ten months Page 30 old, Prophesised was still experiencing night terrors. According to Revered, Prophesised’s first cousin suffered from the same condition. I quietly wondered if the spiritual atmosphere of Revered’s home and her regular visits to a medium contributed to these night terrors. I invited Astute to my home to discern if there were any spirits causing these night terrors. Although Astute found no untoward spirits residing in our house, she prayed powerfully over my son, and for the first time since birth, Prophesised slept peacefully throughout the night. In fact, Prophesised slept peacefully for a whole month—I know because I journaled this. At the end of the month, I was so in awe of God’s goodness that I could not help but turn to Fun-Loving and say, “Isn’t it wonderful that God healed Prophesised from these night terrors?” Fun-Loving hushed me in case I jinxed our night-terror-free month, so when Prophesised had a night terror that same night, I was furious. After comforting my son until he fell back asleep, I stormed into my husband’s empty study, shook my fist at Satan, and bellowed, “How dare you touch my son after God has healed him. Get your hands off him and leave him alone.” My little son never suffered from night terrors again. I shared this story with Prophesised when he was older, and he confirmed that he had not had a nightmare since. When God heals, God heals. One of the many gifts of motherhood is the transformation that children bring to their parents. Far from my family of origin, I relied predominantly on books to guide me through the early years of motherhood; hence, I collected more than a hundred books on every aspect of mothering. Dan Allender’s How Children Raise Parents fascinated me and never fails to take me back to the day Page 31 Intriguing was born. Throughout our second pregnancy, my husband and I did not want to know the sex of our baby, even though early ultrasounds looked in favour of a boy. Despite keeping an open mind, I was taken by surprise when our daughter was born. In the early hours of a beautiful sunny morning as I looked into her eyes, I sensed God say, “Through your daughter, you’ll learn to love yourself.” Tired from delivery, I was not able to fully comprehend God’s intention behind those words. Yet, true to His word, over the years of loving my daughter, God has brought much needed healing to who I am as a female and a daughter. Calvary Church was a thriving church with three services on Sundays and a woman’s service on Tuesdays, known as “Tuesday Ladies.” Women whose fathers, brothers, or husbands prevented them from going to Sunday service could attend without family detection or opposition. These women who attended in the face of familial challenges were deeply inspirational to me. I treasured the Tuesday Ladies’ sermons that spoke into my mothering. I longed for a deeper understanding of Scripture, for now I was living far from Big-Hearted. But my most cherished part of Tuesday Ladies was listening to the testimonies that not only affirmed that God was bigger than all our combined struggles but also affirmed His wonderful presence and work in our lives. One of my favorite Tuesday Ladies’ testimonies came from a visiting missionary. Her friend’s husband had arrived at a remote village in one part of China. Naturally, the villagers were untrusting of this Caucasian man wanting to teach them about Jesus. Unknown to his wife, the village elders had decided to Page 32 poison her husband, and, unknown to the husband, God had awakened his wife back home to pray for him at the exact moment he was being poisoned. The husband woke up the next day alive and well. The villagers, in shock, realized the power of God and converted to Christianity. Such testimonies convinced me of God’s spiritual protection over His own. Many of my friends at Calvary Church also sent their children to Noah’s Ark, the only Christian kindergarten in Kuala Lumpur. At one point, seven of us gave birth within a year of each other, which brought us even closer as we discussed all matters pertaining to motherhood. We had an extensive prayer network. Any mother in need of prayer only had to make one phone call to activate our prayer chain. I was a regular beneficiary of this praying group of women since I had to rush one child or another to the hospital for emergencies, ranging from febrile convulsion (Prophesised) to intussusception (Intriguing) to a gashed cheek needing stitches (Bonus) and so on. With my limited medical knowledge, I could not have handled these crises without the omniscient Healer who worked miracles through the fervent prayers of these incredible mothers. One occasion involved Bonus. He was a year and a half old when we discovered he had a hernia, which needed surgical intervention before it became strangulated and burst. A date for the operation could not be set until Bonus recovered from a persistent runny nose. After a week, mucus was still running from his nose. I prayed for wisdom to find the cause as I opened my medical book. To my amazement, I turned to the page on food allergies. Since I was not sure which food Bonus could be allergic to, I fed him one pure ingredient at a Page 33 time. Within a day, his nose stopped running. The following day, I rang the doctor to schedule an operation for Friday. When I found out my husband was in back- to-back meetings that day, I rescheduled the surgery to Monday. However, on Sunday evening, Bonus experienced incredible pain, causing him to vomit until he was retching from an empty stomach. Fun-Loving and I rushed him to the emergency room where the doctor on call confirmed he had a strangulated hernia. Bonus needed to be operated on immediately, but all the operating theatres were in use and the next available one was a six-hour wait. We were told no painkiller was strong enough to dull the pain and hence no medication would be administered. Since we had to stay overnight at the hospital, we were given a hospital room to wait in until an operating theatre became available. Fun-Loving returned home to pack an overnight bag. Given our countless visits to the hospital, he knew to pack my Bible. As soon as I could, I rang one of the praying mothers, who in turn activated the prayer chain. No longer alone, I mentally prepared myself for a long night. I prayed in tongues for six straight hours. God was so gracious to me, for Bonus miraculously fell asleep in my arms and continued to sleep until the nurse came in to prepare him for the operation. Again, by the grace of God, the strangulated hernia did not burst, and the operation was successful. In fact, such was its success that the first praying mother to visit at break of day was rendered speechless as Bonus crawled around the room despite the recent stitches he had received mere hours ago. Stunned, she relayed how one of her sons had an appendix removed and it was days before he could even move, let alone crawl. Page 34 Another godly friend I admired deeply, Initiative, was an active member of our church. One of her many interests included spiritual direction. Her spiritual director was David Benner, a Canadian depth psychologist of international renown, and with his guidance, Initiative began a pilot spiritual direction group. As her friend, I was invited to be part of this rather intimidating group of women leaders even though I was a housewife and mother of three small children. We met biweekly for a year, alternatively reading a recommended book on spiritual direction, and engaging in the practice. The three books we studied were The Practice of Spiritual Direction (Barry and Connolly 2009), The Art of Spiritual Guidance: A Contemporary Approach to Growing in the Spirit (Gratton 1992), and Group Spiritual Direction: Community for Discernment (Dougherty 1995). I was in equal measures terrified and fascinated: terrified of having to open myself up to others but fascinated at seeing how the Holy Spirit moved in our sessions. Around the same time, Fun-Loving returned from a business trip to South Korea. He recounted how Malaysia and Korea were once on an equal footing developmentally but now South Korea was economically ahead. Fun-Loving realized Malaysia would never experience this same level of economic development due to the political climate favoring the Malays over the Chinese and Indian races. None of this was particularly new, but the next words out of Fun-Loving’s mouth were: he wanted to emigrate for the sake of our children’s future. I lived in a state of shock for weeks as we had private discussions regarding the long-term implications of emigrating. Eventually, I accepted Fun- Page 35 Loving’s determination to emigrate, and after a year of talking and research, we set our sights for Toronto, Canada. After months of gathering the required documents covering every aspect of our lives, we delivered this hefty packet to the Canadian Embassy in Singapore. Since it was our tenth year of marriage, Fun-Loving and I also celebrated our anniversary while we were there. We had heard it could take a long time for the Canadian Embassy to respond to an application, although it was not unheard of for approval to be given in as little as a year. In this interim period, I cherished every moment of our lives in Kuala Lumpur. Every morning, I woke up to another bright, sunshine filled day. I relished each of my friendships, delighted my children’s kindergarten community, savoured my Life Group, treasured Tuesday Ladies, and appreciated my live-in maid. I cherished the familiarity of the local neighbourhoods, enjoyed the native cuisine, revelled in communal pastimes, and valued the sights and sounds of all that had become dear to me. One evening Fun-Loving spread various maps of Toronto before him. He called me over and pointed out a seminary in the vicinity he had identified we would live should the approval to emigrate be given. At the time, I was exhausted with our late-night talks and mothering three active children under the age of seven, and so I missed the significance of the moment. Besides, I did not even know what a seminary was, although Fun-Loving guessed it was a Bible school of some sort. Peering at the map and influenced by the way Malaysian culture downplays anything to do with Christianity, I imagined this seminary to be some small, inconsequential, rambling shack and did not give it a second thought. Page 36 Soon, the one-year anniversary of having delivered our emigration papers was approaching. Restless, Fun-Loving asked of me a favour that he had never requested: “Will you pray to God about our emigration papers?” I was so taken aback I immediately went to our room and prayed in earnest. I asked the Lord, only if this was His will, to please allow the emigration papers to come within the week. In addition, I only wanted to go to Canada if Prophesised, Intriguing, and Bonus’ faiths would not be compromised from living in the West. That week, Fun-Loving and I celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary. On that same morning, when I went to get the post, we received the letter from the Canadian Embassy informing us that we had been given approval to emigrate to Canada. Contrary to my in-law’s crediting me with powers to emigrate just when the older sister, Firecracker, and her family were flying to Kuala Lumpur for a year-long sabbatical, only God could have orchestrated this life-rescuing manoeuvre. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” ~ Luke 10:40 (NIV) Listening Saviour ~ Only You could have lifted me out from the depth of depression into the sunlight of Your love. Your grace is sufficient for me, a foreigner in a strange land and a misfit among in-laws. Thank You for praying sisters, the gift of baptism, the miraculous support from my husband in following You, the companionship of spiritual friends, the miracle of children, and a life changing introduction to spiritual direction. As I prepare to move into the future and the unknown, may I not be distracted by all the preparations that have to be made. Remind me, and often Lord, that You are leading the way and that I am not alone. In Your name I pray and trust. ~Amen. Page 37 Spirit of Truth The LORD called me before my birth; from within the womb He called me by name. ~ Isaiah 49:1 It has been more than seventeen years since we landed in Toronto on August 14, 2003, two hours before an unprecedented power outage which extended from the northeastern and midwestern United States all the way to Ontario. Having travelled with more bags than we normally would and with three little children in tow, it was a slow process to clear immigration. We eventually made it outside into the bright Canadian sunlight to hail a taxi to our service apartment but immediately were caught in the pandemonium only a city without electricity could offer. Looking back on that memorable day and the years that have followed, God has been both present and faithful, blessing our family more than they are aware of and myself more than I deserve. Once we settled into our service apartment, one of my first priorities was to find a home church where my children could continue to grow in their faith. I had three requirements: the church be close to our home, have a vibrant Sunday school, and be oriented towards missions. We joined a local Christian and Missionary Alliance church which seemed to meet all three criteria. Despite faithful attendance over thirteen years, we experienced a parade of transitionary pastors reflecting behind-the-scenes power struggles of those in administration and leadership trickling down into the congregation. For the sake of my children’s spiritual health, I was obliged to look for a new church. Experiencing how poorly the local churches welcome newcomers, we became church nomads until my Page 38 children left for university and, by God’s grace and their persistence, found vibrant home churches of their own. At last, it was so good to be in the same country as my lifelong Canadian friend, Compelling. We had met when we were in our early twenties in London when she was travelling. Now that we were living only twenty minutes from each other, she and her sister joined a Life Group held in my home exploring The Purpose Driven Life (Warren 2002). After our weekly meetings concluded, Compelling revealed to me that she had quietly said the Sinner’s Prayer, as led by Warren, in her heart. I was beyond delighted. I loved this woman deeply, and to now share the same Saviour brought tears to my eyes. In time, both she and her sister were baptised with their Buddhist mother’s blessing, and their mother became a Christian before she died. Today, her daughter, my goddaughter, is a passionate follower of Christ. Soon after emigrating, I met Radical. Our children went to the same Christian school. It quickly became evident to me that Radical loved Jesus with a fervency on par with the Christians I knew in Malaysia. When Fun-Loving and I bought our new home, I rang Radical and shyly asked if she would be willing to dedicate our home to God. I had picked up this habit in Malaysia where dedicating a new home to your god of choice was practiced. The felt reality of spiritual warfare in the East meant that spiritually cleansing and rededicating a house to God before moving in was an important ritual, one I had done no less than five times when living in Kuala Lumpur. Unknown to me, Radical had been Page 39 praying to God that same morning, asking Him to use her in whatever way He wanted. My phone call was an answer to that prayer. When Radical arrived, the Spirit’s presence was tangible as she walked from room to room, her prayers filling our home. She had yet to meet my children, but when she prayed over each of their rooms in the power of the Spirit, I was astonished at how accurate her prayers were. Entering Intriguing’s room first, she gently prayed every prayer I had prayed from the day she had been born; it was as if Radical had eavesdropped on my specific prayers. When she entered Bonus’ room, her prayers became loud and commanding as she sensed a warrior spirit in Bonus and a leader in the making. When we got to Prophesised’s room, Radical began to weep in prayer as she sensed his tender spirit and the heart of a priest. One of the happiest days of my life was when Prophesised chose to be baptized. I live in hope that Intriguing and Bonus will follow suit. Radical continues to be my go-to mother in times of spiritual crisis. She has lovingly and patiently prayed with me for each of my children in my moments of weakness or in their moments of difficulty. My children were in awe of Auntie Radical when they were young and then in holy fear of her ability to hear God with stunning accuracy when they reached their teen years. The commonality of motherhood and intentionality to bring up our children in the faith led to weekly prayer walks around the school as we covered both teachers and students in prayer, and from 2009 until today, we co-lead weekly devotions with fellow mothers on four continents: North America, Asia, Europe, and Australia. Page 40 Having volunteered for every event at my children’s school and satisfied that Prophesised, Intriguing, and Bonus were settling down, I turned my attention to what God would have me do with my time. Researching the local educational institutes around me, I discovered Tyndale Seminary of Tyndale University, the school I had referred to as a “small, inconsequential, rambling shack” when Fun- Loving had pointed it out to me on a map before we moved. I was still not sure what a seminary was, but after talking with an enrollment officer, I discovered they taught spiritual direction and was invited to an Encounter Evening. The date was set for the evening of March 10, 2005. In England I had always loved baking, getting an A for my O-level home economics when I was fifteen years old. In Malaysia, I had expanded my creativity by making birthday cakes for my children and their friends, even for the Minister of Agriculture’s wife and eventually the King and Queen of Malaysia. In Toronto, I discovered a cake decorating school that taught a course on how to run a cake decorating business. Enrollment was slow, and according to the school, a minimum of five sign-ups was required. Since a person from New York and one from Switzerland, along with me, were committed, the school was willing to run the course. The date was set for the evening of March 10, 2005. I found myself at a crossroads, for I could not go to both events. However, I could pray. I told God of the two wonderful options, I was committed to do the one which would bring Him the most glory. Within a few days, the cake decorating business course was cancelled because the man from New York could not attend. At the Encounter Evening at Tyndale University, I became hooked, not Page 41 so much to obtain a master’s degree but to learn what I could about spiritual direction. At the conclusion of the evening, all those considering application were asked to raise their hands. Despite the improbability of my doing a master’s degree, I raised mine. I had two main concerns about undertaking a master’s degree: how would a mother with three young children achieve this, and from where would the tuition money come? I thought if the second concern were addressed, I could entertain the first. When I returned home, I asked God to give me wisdom in speaking to business-minded Fun-Loving, and He gave me the exact words to say: “For every child I have given you, will you give me one year at seminary?” Fun-Loving’s answer was “Yes.” I began seminary in September 2005. One of the many gifts Tyndale University offers is the services of the counselling department. Since my time in Kuala Lumpur, I had longed for a Christian counsellor and had prayed accordingly. With Fun-Loving working long hours, assimilating our three young children into a new environment was my sole responsibility. Each child had different learning abilities, and I was determined, albeit imperfectly, to understand their personalities. Little did I realize the long- term impact meeting with my counsellor, Kathleen Sutcliffe, would have on my spiritual formation through motherhood. Each time I met with her, I received tender, prayerful counsel. Her attentiveness coaxed out splinters and little pebbles that had hindered my walk with God. My children continue to be God’s special way of refining me. All the past childhood pain from which I had run from came thundering back into my present, demanding attention I had been unable to give Page 42 it. I was especially grateful for Sutcliffe’s companionship as I tried to make sense of and engage in the challenging teenage years. Part of my challenge came from having my own gifts and uniqueness suppressed since childhood. Since I did not know how to listen to my instincts, how could I instinctively mother my children? While the sensitivity of Prophesised’s artistic nature required gentle and compassionate listening compared to Intriguing’s independent and intellectual brilliance, a different tack with Bonus’ extroverted personality meant that well-thought out explanations were required. Child by child, Sutcliffe patiently helped me separate my story from theirs so that I might see each of them as God had created them to be. In 2009, I completed my MTS and confirmed God’s calling to be a spiritual director. I had intentionally left the Spiritual Direction Internship until the end of my MTS in case God planned to redirect me elsewhere. This decision was accompanied by prayer and seeking advice from both Exquisite and Initiative who, at the time, were the two people who knew me best. Despite my incredible trepidation, their encouragement and prayers enabled me to face my fears and learn by trial and error to first listen, and then listen deeply, to the many directees who earnestly sought to hear God’s voice. With an internship emphasis on accumulating direction hours to maximize exposure, I completed 500 hours of face-to-face spiritual direction by December 2009, qualifying as a certified spiritual director. Having cried tears of personal discovery and healing throughout the MTS, I was ready to trade this in for sitting with others as they shed tears. Little did I Page 43 know then that tears would accompany every personal discovery and healing I receive from God. One tearful breakthrough occurred during a Healing Prayer workshop held by the Tyndale Association of Spiritual Directors (TASD). There, the Holy Spirit took me back to a painful childhood memory, and through the guidance of the workshop leader, I became aware of Jesus’ presence and His convicting words, “You know who you are.” The second tearful breakthrough occurred during a retreat at The Sisterhood of St. John the Divine where, through art, the Holy Spirit took me back to when I was in my mother’s womb and told me, “Remember who you are.” During the internship, we student directors were invited to participate in a Retreat in Daily Life (RDL) at Chartwell Baptist Church in Mississauga. The experience was phenomenal not only for our continued learning and exposure to additional directees but also for the opportunity to watch with amazement how God accomplished the impossible within a mere five days. I was thrilled when the RDL was introduced to the Tyndale community in February 2011. Spearheading this with the nine internship students of 2011, we had a remarkable launch with 35 people signing up for a five-week RDL to accommodate the longer travelling distances of those participating. This birthed in me a love for serving others through retreats. One gift from the internship is the lifelong friendship of Perceptive and Intuitive. A Chinese proverb my father told me when I was young is, “The richest person on earth is the person who has one lifelong friend.” Thus, I am rich beyond measure. There are three things we value: being INFJs (a Myers-Briggs Page 44 personality type), mothering our three children (all around the same age), and sharing our love of the Trinity. To be able to talk authentically with two others who listen with the fullness of their hearts and always err on the side of grace enables me to do likewise with others. It has been a privilege to have worked alongside them in Intermittent Silent Retreats. Unlike the RDL, this is a two-night retreat for Christian leaders, pastors, and anyone who longs to be in God’s presence. This is conducted predominantly in silence, accompanied by twice daily sessions with directors. As with RDLs, the unpredictable but miraculous work the Spirit accomplishes in so short a time never fails to remind me who God is and what He does. I was invited to join the TASD board as the Events Officer from 2010- 2014. One of my obligations was to attend every event the TASD held, and in 2011 I organized and took part in a training workshop for Spiritual Director Supervisors under Maureen McDonnell. Sitting around the table with other graduate spiritual directors who seemed far more gifted than I was extremely intimidating. I felt I had no right to be there. When I began to panic, I calmed myself down with the decision to pull out from the workshop at the end of the evening. However, as McDonnell skillfully and invitingly led the session, I was mesmerized. By the end of the evening, I no longer wanted to leave but instead was reminded of all the reasons I love this ministry. After this introduction, I was invited to be a co-supervisor in the Spiritual Direction Internship at Tyndale University from 2011-2018. It was with fear and trembling I found myself answering the call. Of all the gifts listed in Romans Page 45 12:6-8, mine is encouragement. As Scripture exhorts in verse 8, “If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging,” and hence, this was my focus and motivation for supervision. Having co-supervised for seven years, I experience great joy in the transformation that occurs in students who, despite excelling in other ministries, are humble enough to receive guidance and are open to being taught a deeper way of listening and being present to another. I rejoice hearing how spiritual direction transforms their primary ministry for the better. An ethical requirement for spiritual directors is to be under supervision not only for the sake of their directees but also for the sake of themselves. I received peer group supervision with two amazing work colleagues while I supervised the internship directors. However, as directors graduated from the internship, the cases they brought to supervision became more complex, and while encouragement was still needed, so was further training. My prayers were answered in 2015 when supervision took on a completely new dimension after attending a weeklong training course in Chicago led by Lucy Abbott Tucker. I now had vocabulary that articulated my experiences in supervision and, with this, affirmation of my practice and greater understanding of the intricacies of supervision. It was exactly what I had been looking for and exactly what I needed. From that day on, my fascination and interest in this area has become insatiable. In June 2018, I joined a weeklong summer residency at Souljourners, a spiritual formation program at Mount St. Scholastica, a Benedictine monastery in Kansas, and was exposed to a contemplative evocative way of giving spiritual direction that has impacted my practice of spiritual direction and supervision. If Page 46 “the contemplative core of prayer and of all Christian life is conscious relationship with God” (Barry and Connolly, 2009, 48), then in my desire to be in relationship with Him, I have been in contemplative prayer all of my life. Although my responses often have been unrefined, even in my darkest moments they have always been responses toward God. No wonder this contemplative presence and evocative approach to which Conroy (1995, 40) refers to and Souljourners promotes felt familiar. As the Events Officer for the TASD, in 2012 I organized an event to bring in a Mennonite spiritual director from the United States who had been recommended by one of our members. Upon meeting Wendy Miller, I was immediately drawn by her unique perspective and ministerial skills. I longed to be in spiritual direction with her but was too shy to ask. Reuniting with her in 2015 through a supervision workshop, I lost no time in asking if she would be my supervisor for spiritual direction. It was she who first noticed how my God-image was being dismantled through the giving of spiritual direction to my first homosexual directee. Little did I realize how God would use this precious directee to begin my process of entering the dark night of the senses, a stage of purification on the Christian journey. It was Miller who named this emptiness and pointed me to the outstanding resource of Quaker spiritual teacher Cronk’s Dark Night Journey: Inward Re-patterning Toward a Life Centered in God. I read of the “three special occasions in human life when the dark night journey [is a] primary spiritual path, [namely] ... extreme curtailment of human activity, facing death, and inward preparation for ministry and mature Christian living” (Cronk Page 47 1991, 82). Mine was the latter. Taken unaware of the emptying God had been quietly doing, Miller grounded me during my time of confusion. In 2017, Sharon Bradimore took over the Spiritual Direction Internship, combining her Tyndale University and Regis College (University of Toronto) training in spiritual direction. Refining her predecessors’ contributions, she is moving the Spiritual Direction Internship away from accumulating 180 hours over the course of the academic year to a greater emphasis on a contemplative evocative approach in the giving of spiritual direction. A crucial component in developing this is the need for discerning supervisors. Integrating her own training from Regis College, Bradimore has achieved a student to supervisor ratio of 3:1 that had never been experienced in the Internship before. Therefore, in tandem with training spiritual directors is a need for training supervisors to accompany them. An increase in diversity of supervisors in terms of race, culture, personality, gender, and styles is a bonus for the TASD. Throughout this evolution, my longing to do further studies had been constant. Since taking the Spiritual Formation course and the Internship during my MTS I had hoped that Tyndale might one day have a doctoral program where I could continue growing spiritually and academically. To my delight, the Doctor in Spiritual Formation was launched in 2014. Upon reading the course titles in the doctoral syllabus, I wanted to sign up immediately. However, since much time was required for all the late night conversations with Bonus covering a broad range of life topics, it was prudent to wait until he graduated from high school. In 2017, with Prophesised at OCAD University studying illustration, Intriguing at Page 48 University of Toronto studying engineering science, and Bonus newly settled at Rotman, University of Toronto, studying business, I finally began my doctorate. Mindful I was entering the empty nest stage, I was unashamed of my need to find solace in further studies. Yet, I could no more bypass through distractions the grieving that accompanies life changes than my directees could, no matter how worthy. God patiently waited as I acclimatised myself to no longer being the centre of my children’s universe. There was an element of satisfaction in knowing I had once been able to provide them a safe place, that I could easily meet their physical needs, and when called upon, could soothe their fears, and answer their questions. But transition into adulthood requires a different way of mothering, and I found myself at a loss. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have to face the reality of this stage, but I was happy to put it off for as long as I could. Thankfully, the Space for God course provided the opportunity I needed through an assignment requiring a two-day retreat away from home. I welcomed the silence and solitude, which ordinarily can be a terrifying combination but in the presence of the living God can become a dynamic avenue for revelation and transformation (Chan, 2017b). In this time of transition, Barton’s (2010, 18) words were a balm: “You haven’t fallen off the path, you are right in the heart of the journey.” This reassurance was offered to me. Since Barton articulated so well the struggles I really would rather not own, I was encouraged to “stay with the feelings of desperation and let desperation do its good work (30). This desperation took me Page 49 beyond “the borders of life as [I knew] it” (30). When I was finally ready to acknowledge the mass of unnamed entangled emotions lodged within my chest, I faced the grief of being a five-day old empty nester (I had even planned the timing of the two-day retreat in a feeble attempt to control what little I could). As night fell and the weight of sadness became overwhelming, I became aware of the rain that had been threatening to fall all day begin to drop in such a way that it sounded as if God were gently weeping with me. Touched by His tears, I felt a nudging to walk out to the dock on the nearby lake. Despite night time falling rapidly, I could not shake this invitation, and so I literally took a step of faith out into the darkness. Once I arrived at the dock, I stood at the very end and looked up into the vast, cloudy night sky and sensed God wanting me to turn around. As I did, I saw one shining star. Instinctively, I felt the invitation to look for a second, and as I did and found it, I knew there would be a third. While looking up at those three stars shining brightly at me from the infinite sky of dark clouds, I felt the dam holding back my emotions burst open, and I was finally able to grieve the loss of motherhood as I knew it and the children I deeply missed. These three stars, symbolic of my three children, were unquestionably held in His creative Hands. It occurred to me that there is no better Mother than God to take care of Prophesised, Intriguing, and Bonus. When I awoke the next morning, the weight of sadness had completely lifted (Chan, 2017b). The God whose voice I live to hear, this God who desires to communicate with me, had spoken once again. He is my one constant. The centrality of Jesus as Page 50 Divine and human embodies the Father’s intentions for me as found in the Lord’s prayer and revealed by the Spirit of Truth—that His will be done in my life on earth as it is in heaven. I live my life in the growing awareness that I am welcomed within the Trinity’s circle of love, and from where I live out my calling within community. No longer do I strive to do God’s will, because I am in His will, and, having shown me the Way, He is my way. I know His voice. For far too long, I was distracted by the voices that named me Disappointment and the derogatory names that came from racial slurs. As a child of God, I am no longer beholden to these names. God has never addressed me in these ways. It must pain Him, as it does me, at the thought of my children believing they are anything less than who I know them to be. As I distinguish God’s voice from other voices, I am reminded again and again who I am and the gift of living into the truth of this. I wonder what if, like Mary, I were to sit at the feet of Him whose Name is above all names? Might I hear the name He has chosen to call me? “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” ~ Luke 10:41-42 (NIV) Spirit of Truth ~ As a sojourner in a new country, all my worries and frustrations are not hidden from You. Thank You for revealing to me that long before I was conceived, I was created for Jesus and so, especially when my soul is weary and upset, I can rest in Him. Lord, You have called, and I have answered. May I trust in Your voice calling me and not my limited ability. May I always choose You, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Thank You for this desire for You, that will never be taken away from me. In Jesus, the Name above all names, I pray. ~ Amen. Page 51 PostScript: Blessed And you will be given a new name by the LORD’S own mouth. ~ Isaiah 62:2 I submitted my original 84-page Spiritual Autobiography on April 9, 2018 to Dr. Bramer in part for my Spiritual Autobiography course. In prayer with Radical over Skype on April 23, 2018, she paused midway to listen to what God was saying to her and then continued with, “God has a new name for you this year.” I immediately opened my eyes and uncharacteristically interrupted her prayer with the question, “Where is that coming from?” Puzzled at my line of questioning, Radical replied, “God said He has a new name for you this year, and I simply repeated it.” Needless to say, I was stunned, especially since Radical had no idea what I had written in my Spiritual Autobiography. On October 10, 2018, my friend from Malaysia wrote, I had a dream of you last night. In my dream we were talking and sharing, and I was encouraging you, telling you that God is going to do a great thing in your life. What is underground is going to come up. Blessings are on the way. Yes, you are going to receive a blessing soon. I don’t know why I had that dream or what’s happening there, but I thought I should share with you. Again, I was stunned At the time I was reading Deep Mentoring that encouraged me to be a detective of divinity by taking a second look at seemingly mundane moments of the day to find carefully ensconced gifts that communicate God’s loving presence (Reese and Loane 2012, 47). On October 12, 2018, God exposed the lie “I am less,” and as I reflected on this as a detective of divinity, I looked at my new mug with the word “Blessed” on it, seeing the word “less” in the middle of this word. Page 52 God helped me see that I am not “ less ” but “b less ed” Now I had the answer to the question, “What if, like Mary, I were to sit at the feet of Him whose Name is above all names? Might I hear the name He has chosen to call me?” Yes, I heard. He has called me Blessed. Litle (quoted in One For Israel Ministry, 2020) defines blessing as “God giving power to something or somebody to do that which they are designed or intended to do.” I am to be whom God created me to be. Agreeing to be she whom God has created brings God glory. It is from this place of being that I minister as a director and supervisor. Luke 12:48 says, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” Blessings are never to be kept to oneself. The blessed always blesses others. This is the way of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and therefore, it also is to be my way. My desire in Chapter III is to bless others by designing a spiritual formation model that a) creates space for directors to hear the voice of God, first for themselves and then in their ministry with others and b) integrates their ministry with the Great Commandment and the Great Commission. However, before attempting to describe my spiritual formation model, it will be important to first take a look at what spiritual formation is. So far, I have written from a presumption that the reader and my definition are the same. It is now wise, before proceeding further, to offer a working definition that will enable the ensuing Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model (TSFM) to be understood within this context. Page 53 CHAPTER III: DEVELOPING A MODEL OF SPIRITUAL FORMATION ~ A TRINITARIAN APPROACH Those who obey God’s commandments remain in fellowship with Him, and He with them. ~ 1 John 3:24 “Spiritual formation” is a term widely used but often little understood. At best it draws those who are spiritually inclined but, at worst, it can confuse those who are spiritually intent. Semantics is challenging in and of itself, but describing the intangible in a tangible way takes intentional effort. Articulating spiritual formation in a comprehensive way that speaks to believers across all denominations is another challenge, and conveying this terminology to non- believers curious about Christian spirituality is yet another. A spiritual formation model anchored in the Nicene Creed, affirmed by many Christian traditions, may become a helpful starting point that also has the potential to be a point of unity. This paper proposes a trinitarian approach to spiritual formation that is anchored in God’s love, grounded in trinitarian theology, and honours the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. The telos of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation (TSF) is response to Love loving (Fleming 2008a, 8) and is thus a model of transformational love. The intent of the Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model (TSFM) is to encourage believers to “live in a way that [is] consistent with who they really [are]” in Christ (Boyd 2004, 25). Foundational to this is knowing who one is and to what one is being called. Page 54 Context and Cultural Fluency The spiritual formation of leaders has spiritual implications for those under their leadership. Leaders can only give what they have first received themselves. In the introduction to an unpublished paper, Chan (2017a) notes Dirks (2013, 17) believes that “those who press on in ministry, while at the same time allowing their inner life to slip into disrepair, are living a contradiction” and one in which the neglect of “rhythms that foster intimate union with God” will, under the weight of ministerial demands, culminate in the collapse of the leader’s soul. If Jesus spent time with God in order to faithfully do His will (John 6:38- 39), ministry leaders are not exempt from rhythmic engagement with Him either. Moon and Benner (2004, 15) maintain that “Christian spiritual formation involves awaking from the dream that we are God,” a disillusion humanity has been wrestling with since the Fall. On their own, humanity is incurvatus in se (turned or curved inward on oneself), unable to relinquish anything that hinders an authentic engagement with God. In fact, without God’s revelation, humanity would not even know Who they need or why. Research by Krejcir (2016, 2) confirms that “ministry starts and rests on the spiritual condition of the leaders, their devotion to Christ, and what flows from that devotion.” Helland (2017, 1), whose passion is to “to help equip, empower, and renew church leaders and churches to thrive in missional disciplemaking,” knows first-hand “that the foundation for pastors and church leaders to survive and thrive is their spiritual formation forged in the depths of a Page 55 devout life” (4). A devout life is one of personal engagement with God, not second-hand knowledge about God. Along with a life of devotion to Christ, Reimer (2016, 194) asserts, “The number one job of a spiritual leader is to discern the mind of Christ,” and to discern the mind of Christ requires unerring theology. Interestingly, Grenz and Olson (1996, 13-14) believe, “No one who reflects on life’s ultimate questions can escape theology. And anyone who reflects on life’s ultimate questions— including questions about God and our relationship with God—is a theologian.” They define theology at its most basic level as “any thinking, reflecting or contemplating of the reality of God—even on the question of God.” Ziegler (2018, 75) maintains it is critical that theology be trinitarian in content, writing that theologian T.F. Torrance, in The Christian Doctrine of God: One Being Three Persons, “is proposing not only that the Trinity is a first-order doctrine, but also that it must necessarily function as the essential inner structure and grammar that grounds all other doctrines.” This is important, says Ziegler (75), “lest we inadvertently find ourselves to have constructed a ladder against the wrong building, and as a result are serving something other than the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,” in other words, a god of one’s own making. Trinitarian theology impacts spiritual formation, which in turn impacts leadership and, hence, ministry. My ministry context is spiritual direction. What is said of leaders is equally important to directors. Perhaps, it could be argued, the theological foundation for spiritual direction needs shoring up given directors meet privately in one-on-one sessions, often with vulnerable directees. Applying Page 56 what Purves (2007, 131) has to say about pastors to leaders in general and directors in particular, “Theological discernment is the primary skill we need. Regardless of our therapeutic skills, without theological discernment [ministerial] care does not happen.” As Holt (2017, 219) records, “The actual practice of Christianity has slipped drastically in Europe in the face of secular thinking,” while Helland (2017, 1) notes “the decline of growth and health in most North American denominations and churches . . . [with] disillusioned Millennials . . . [and others] who are ‘done’ with church (though not with Christ).” According to the Barna Group (2017), it is common to hear people say, “I am spiritual but not religious,” thus distinguishing between two terms that were once connected. The study focused on what religious faith outside of institutional religion looks like. Editor- in-chief Stone (Barna Group, 2017) explained: [There are those who are] disenchanted with the church [and those] disenchanted with religion. The former still hold tightly to Christian belief, they just do not find value in the church as a component of that belief. The latter have primarily rejected religion and prefer instead to define their own boundaries for spirituality—often mixing beliefs and practices from a variety of religions and traditions. Stone adds that those who are spiritual but not religious “display an uncommon inclination to think beyond the material and to experience the transcendent,” which can open the door to “deep, spiritual conversations and, in time, perhaps a willingness to hear about Christian spirituality” (Barna Group, 2017). Miller (pers. comm., October 27, 2020) believes directors could help the spiritually aware make sense of their experiences since such people have given up Page 57 on the Church “because it does not look enough like Jesus.” Are ministry leaders and directors ready to meaningfully engage such seekers? Biblical Framework While “theology is inescapable for all thinking, reflecting Christians,” lay theologians certainly need professional theologians to “give them the tools of biblical study, historical perspective and systematic articulation so that they can improve their own theologizing” (Grenz and Olson 1996, 13). Shepherd (2014c) says, “Speculation doesn’t yield knowledge of God;” rather, Scripture animated by the Holy Spirit is the source of knowing God. While theology prior to baptism may be in its formative stages, theology post-baptism is certainly essential for a vibrant, pulsating, and life-sustaining faith. Theology in the hands of the Holy Spirit inspires, instructs, and empowers ministry. Anything other than this is destined for disappointment, personal burnout, and, worst of all, the harm of vulnerable people. The importance of trinitarian theology can further be underscored by what occurs when this is overlooked. I have witnessed the burdens of well-meaning directors who believe it is incumbent upon them to dispense meaningful spiritual insights and provide miraculous results, albeit invoking God in the process. Incomplete theology can cause directors to fall back onto self-styled ministry that gives rise to the lie that they have to take control. Often, receiving payment from directees exacerbates the need of directors to perform well. Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the Vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in Me, and I in Page 58 them, will produce much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.” It has never been God’s intention for ministry to be carried out in isolation, for apart from Jesus, ministry will eventually die to the purposes for which it is intended. Purves (2007, 11) claims, “Our ministry is the root problem of what ails us in ministry today.” Bluntly speaking, nothing short of “the death of our ministries” (11) is required, because only Jesus’ ministry is redemptive. It is imperative leaders see ministry as Christ’s ministry, otherwise there will be the temptation to “measure ourselves . . . by the level of involvement in this good work. We [will] pride ourselves on now doing ‘the Lord’s work’ . . . [but the] work is still ours. We are still the center of it . . . [when in actuality, we] are called to radical dependence on God” (Cronk 1993, 89-90). Whenever leaders succumb to this, they exhibit defeatist tendencies with little room for grace because they are unconsciously dependent upon their limited abilities rather than the limitless ability of Jesus through the Holy Spirit. Trinitarian theologian Franklin (2017-18, 94) argues that mission (or ministry) is first and foremost God’s mission, where participation in His mission is made possible through union with Christ in the Spirit. Ministry grounded in God is grounded in love, simply because God is Love and loves. Ministry, therefore, is participation in the holy love of the Trinity. As Bosch (quoted in Franklin 2017-18, 75) reasons, “There is mission because God loves people,” where Jesus is that concrete expression to that love and the Spirit of Truth, His witness of that love. The Trinity’s love in communal fellowship is the anchor and lens for ministry. Page 59 Bernard of Clairvaux (1090, 3) says, “The reason for loving God is God Himself.” He identifies four degrees of love: (1) love of self for self’s sake, (2) love of God for self’s sake, (3) love of God for God’s sake, and (4) love of self for God’s sake. Love of self that is self-oriented turns to God in time of need but, in time, can transition into loving God for self’s sake. As God becomes known through experience, self is able to love God for Himself. The fourth degree of love, “wherein one loves himself [ sic ] only in God! . . . is in God’s power to give . . . to whom He wills” (22-23). As Bernard of Clairvaux cautions, only when the soul is “wholly subjected to the spirit” (23) can he or she reach the highest stage of love—love of self for God’s sake. Meanwhile, despite imperfect responses to God’s love, He “knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust” (Psalm 103:14). Purves (2007, 52) defines ministry as a theological act because “ God acts” today as He has always acted, namely, in Jesus Christ who is always present. Thus, emphasis is always placed on Jesus, not leaders. For leaders to mature in Christ, they need to develop theological acuity (120). Theologian Kruger (2000, 28) says that this invites humility and a willingness, in the revelatory light of Jesus, to “re-think everything we thought we knew about ourselves and others” concerning what He has already done. Just to be clear, what Jesus has done is “united us with the Trinitarian life of God” (27) where inclusion in the Trinity is no longer a goal to be achieved in the future but a reality to be lived in the now. Unfortunately, “people unwittingly drive a wedge between theology and the living of Christian life” because theology “is what we believe, and Christian Page 60 life is what we do” (Fairbairn 2009, 3). This split between head knowledge and experiential being can be traced back to the 13th century when monastic training and formation became seminary based. The connection between the two is often not overtly made, let alone understood. This results in the dichotomy found in the Sunday service that is disconnected from life for the rest of the working week. When theological discussions elevate doctrines (defined as “individual teachings on specific issues” [4]) rather than the God to whom those doctrines point, then this unwittingly (a) causes doctrines to become the objects of faith instead of God and (b) substitutes truths about God for God, resulting in believers giving the impression they know what they are talking about without realizing that maybe they do not (5). Trinitarian Theology The church fathers articulate well the connection between theology and the Christian life. According to Fairbairn (2009, 7), “The relationship between the Father and the Son within the Trinity is the scarlet thread of the Christian faith.” What this means is that the relationship the trinitarian Persons share with one another is at the heart of Christianity, and that all of Christian life is “meant to be a reflection of and a participation in that central relationship between the Father and the Son” (ix). Jesus describes His intimate relationship with God in John 10:30: “The Father and I are one.” Human participation in this relationship means “sharing in the relationship that has characterized the Father, Son and Spirit from Page 61 all eternity past” (12). Alternatively, the “focus on what Christians are supposed to do [and] how God helps us do it” (3) reinforces self-righteousness. Fairbairn’s (2009, 33) extensive exploration into the work of the church fathers draws attention to (a) the richness of church history from which there is much to learn and (b) how present church theology has separated from the work of those of the past. Irenaeus (2nd century), Athanasius (4th century), Augustine and Cyril of Alexandria (5th century) all recognized the concept of theosis, or participation in God, where the bond between God’s life and human life lies in “our adoption into Christ’s sonship with the Father” (34). The Divine intimacy between the Father and the Son is opened up to all of humanity to experience for themselves and thus provides vocabulary to express this experience. Perichoresis, another relational word, is used to describe the “mutual indwelling without loss of personal identity” (Kruger 2018) of the Trinity and where believers exist in union with the Triune God but do not lose their distinct personhood in the process. Jesus made possible the “great dance of the Trinity [to be] earthed and lived out as a divine-human reality” (Kruger 2000, 37) so that all of humanity might be included. Fairbairn (2009, 37) considers the best strand of patristic thought to be that “our sharing in the Father-Son relationship is at the centre of what it means for us to participate in God.” This understanding and use of vocabulary shapes one’s theology and gives expression to one’s experience. For many, understanding the Trinity is challenging. Fairbairn (2009, 43) states of the Israelites, “Only once the people clearly understood that there was but one true God could they begin to grasp the fact that this one God was Page 62 somehow also three persons.” The God whom the Israelites referred to as Father in the Old Testament is further revealed in the New Testament as having a Son and a Spirit, which are two persons, not separate but united to the Father and each other “so as to be a single God” (43). This is how the early church fathers understood God in the face of Arian controversy. Yet, insistence that the Son is but a creature continues. A survey by The Christian Post reports that “52% of Americans say that Jesus isn’t God but was a great teacher,” and 44% of people believe Jesus “committed sins like any other mortal being” (Fearnow 2020). As in Arius’ time, the call for a “more arduous modern study of Scripture” could not be more imperative (Fearnow 2020). Smith (2013, 16) poses the question, “What is the meaning and goal of the Christian life?” The 1647 Westminster Shorter Catechism states: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” Smith’s (18) careful study of Scripture refines this answer to “God is out to make for himself a people who reflect his holiness, who are marked by righteousness, and who live in justice and the shalom of God.” Shepherd (2014a) concurs, “The God who is holy insists that his people be holy too,” for they are appointed to reflect God’s holiness “in a way that is appropriate to [them] whom he has made in his likeness and image.” However, when God’s holiness is separated from the Trinity, the beauty of holiness is lost. As Kruger (2000, 30) pinpoints, In the Western tradition, the holiness of God was detached from the Trinity and reconceived within the world of law and order, crime and punishment, blind and cold justice. Reconceived within this stainless steel world of pure law, “holiness” came to mean “legal perfection” or “moral rectitude. Page 63 Rather, “the joy and the fullness and the love of the Father, Son and Spirit, their mutual delight and passion, the sheer togetherness of their relationship, its intimacy, harmony and wholeness . . . rolled . . . into one word . . . would be ‘holiness’” (30). It is into this holiness that believers are invited to participate rather than trying to become holy through their own means. Similarly, believers are invited to participate in Triune worship. Torrance (1996, 23) insists, “God does not accept us because we have offered worthy worship. In his love, he accepts us freely in the person of his beloved Son.” What is more, “in worship Christ himself comes to live in our hearts by the Spirit and draws us into the very life of God” (24). So even in worshipping God, be it communally on Sundays or individually obeying the Great Commandment, this is through Christ and in the Holy Spirit. After all, there “is only one offering which is truly acceptable to God and it is not ours” (21) Jesus is the centre of all things, for “in Him all things were created . . . all things have been created through Him and for Him” (Colossians 1:16 NIV). Yet, Kruger (2000, 28-29) insists that the Church’s loss of the meaning of Jesus has meant “the incarnation got eclipsed, and Jesus got smaller and smaller and smaller—to the point that the Jesus that we have on our hands today in the Western world is a cosmic lightweight.” Even worse, the downsizing of Jesus has reduced Him “to being little more than a spectator who watches the human race from a distance” (29). How many leaders, albeit subconsciously, worship a downsized Jesus? Kruger (32) spotlights a theological inconsistency where “once Page 64 the sin thing is fixed, Jesus goes back to heaven.” Hence, the union Jesus forged between the Trinity and humans is downplayed. When the doctrine of the Trinity is “disastrously neglected and forgotten” (Kruger 2000, 23) by the Church at large, what results is either unitarianism where one member of the Trinity is elevated at the expense of the others or modalism where the Father, Son, and Spirit is never seen as triune (Shepherd, 2014b). As Shepherd (2014b) teaches, without Jesus and the Spirit, the Father’s one-sided sovereignty can be experienced as remote, unknowable, and inaccessible; without the Father and the Spirit, Jesus becomes a buddy and is ineffective, and without the Father and the Son, the Spirit can appear to be purely experiential and unpredictable. As Kruger (2000, 24) says, “God has always existed in relationship,” and therefore, every thought, idea, dream, and action of God (Father, Son, and Spirit) “is birthed out of this fellowship and bears its stamp” (25). The early Church’s understanding of this truth “is reflected in the opening sentence of the Nicene Creed. ‘We believe in one God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth’” (25). The context of the Fatherhood of God in relationship to Son and Spirit was their way of orientating the thought of the Church toward a relational God as opposed to an abstract divinity (25). God’s people are to be relational. Miller (pers. comm., October 27, 2020) notes of Scripture how experience of God comes before theology, for theology grows out of one’s experience of God. In the Psalms, people prayed their experiences as they remembered who God is. In Luke 24:13-35, Jesus explained the Scriptures concerning Himself to Page 65 those who had experience of Him. This theological starting point of relationality has huge implications for spiritual formation (deepening relationships) and ministry (nurturing relationships). The goal of the Trinity is inclusion, and their purpose is to draw humanity, created in love, within the circle of their shared life so that all can experience fellowship with them (Kruger 2000, 24). This, then, grounds all other relationships. Trinitarian theology encourages vibrant fellowship. Incorrect thinking concerning God naturally affects spiritual formation and how one approaches this. The kind of spiritual formation commonly practiced today can be described as subjective moral formation. Ziegler (2018, 78) articulates this well: It is subjective because the primary agent is ourselves (rather than the ascended Christ, who is perceived as absent and hidden in the distant heavens). It is moral because its goal is development in virtue and other socially idealistic behaviours, as defined by the current Christian culture. It is formation because it assumes that we can train ourselves—through specific practices, habits, and attitudes—toward the achievement of predetermined behaviors and qualities that imitate Jesus. Applying this definition to spiritual direction, directors meeting with directees struggling with difficult life issues can default into advice giving or making subtle attempts to alleviate their directees’ pain with unproductive comments such as “God is in control” or, worse still, misquoting Scripture to make their point. In contrast to this, there is objective trinitarian participation. Again, using Ziegler’s (2018, 77-78) words: It is objective because the primary agent (i.e., the one who is doing the work) is the living, ascended Christ. It is trinitarian because its activity has its origin and continuation in and through the Holy Page 66 Spirit sent by the Father with the Son. It is participation because the fundamental mode of our life is one of inclusion. Revisiting the previous example by applying this union with Christ by the Spirit to spiritual direction, directors faced with struggling directees can trust that “God [is acting] through the continuing ministry of Jesus, who is present to and for [the directee], in and by the grace of the Holy Spirit” (Purves 2007, 52). This truth encourages directors to take what Jesuit theologian Burghardt describes, as a “long loving look at the real” (quoted in Martin 2010, 8), in other words, what Jesus has already achieved as risen Lord and where He is already at work in the directee’s struggle. Ziegler (2018, 83) upholds that while human beings are involved in their own spiritual formation, their agency is always secondary to that of the Spirit. Torrance (2018, 80) notes, “Human agency too easily overshadows the activity of God,” which results in the negative consequence of “casting believers back upon themselves in relation to God” (75). Rather than striving in one’s own strength, “trinitarian participation as the way of Spiritual formation takes place by means of inclusion and sharing” (83). Ziegler (2018, 83) defines participation as that which “comes through agreement with the truth that we belong to Christ” made possible by putting on the mind of Christ and evidenced by participation in Him as emerging from identity. This “entails constant conversion, in which our independent ways of knowing are judged, healed, and reconciled” (87). Spiritual disciplines such as the Ignatian examen, gospel contemplation, lectio divina, and other practices open believers to the fellowship of the Father, through the Son, in the Spirit (87). They can become avenues through which love can be received. Page 67 Spiritual Formation For spiritual formation to be “theologically grounded in trinitarian Christology” in contrast to approaches that are “more human-centered and more virtue-orientated or imitation-driven” (Ziegler 2018, 76), it is best realised in the Church. Pietists believe holiness requires “a renovation of the heart” (Helland 2017, 30). For the heart to be created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (see Ephesians 4:24), a trinitarian church community is necessary. Therefore, “spiritual formation does not parallel the life of the church but rather is at the center of the church’s life” (Peters 2014, 208), especially in the light of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19 to make disciples. While some Protestants are uncomfortable with the term “spiritual formation,” Smith and Stassen (2009, 152) insist any repetitive action or liturgy that can “shape our identity and self-understanding” is spiritually forming, so “the proper home of spiritual formation must be in the church” (Peters 2014, 208). Who else besides the Church will makes disciples of Christ? Pullinger (2015) points out the Church is not to “make a difference” but rather, to “make disciples.” It is one thing, she notes, to rescue someone from a brothel or buy their freedom, and “it’s another thing to stay and love them.” Where else besides the Church are new family members initiated through baptism? Jenson (1982, 217) explains baptism as “that ending of the old and beginning of the new which is life, and which here is the specific new life we want to nurture.” Who else besides the Church will teach new believers what Jesus has commanded? Helland (2017, 128) Page 68 talks of the Bible as being “the core curriculum with the primary goal to cultivate piety that leads to holiness of heart and life, discipleship and mission.” Peters (2014, 204) believes in the importance of engaging the fullness and richness of the entire Christian tradition in developing a theology of spiritual formation. Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant branches can contribute to a spiritual formation that remains trinitarian focused and scripturally accurate. Separating spiritual formation from the church overlooks the fact “that all pastoring is only good pastoring when it is spiritually formative” (208). Surely good pastoring anchors the congregation’s spiritual formation. What is Spiritual Formation? Copan (2014, 4) asserts that spiritual formation “is something that happens to every human being, and it happens through every thought we think and every step we take. Whether we want to be or not, every one of us is being formed each and every minute of our lives.” One might ask if this really true of everyone, or does this specifically apply to those who are intentional in their own spiritual formation? Apparently not, for Copan maintains that even if spiritual formation is not tied to any one religious tradition, it is inevitable and there is nothing that can be done to stop it (4). If Hitler and Mother Teresa’s spiritual formation was “profoundly different” (4), then what does intentional spiritual formation for believers following the Son of God look like? To answer this question, a look at how spiritual formation came to be, in order to understand what spiritual formation is, will now be explored. Page 69 Foster’s The Celebration of Discipline, published in 1980, birthed great interest in spiritual formation among Protestant evangelicals. Greenman (2010, 23) credits Richard Foster, Dallas Willard, James Houston, and Eugene Peterson “in shifting the focus of mainstream evangelical conversation from the traditional (but narrower) category of discipleship to the newer (and broader) category of spiritual formation.” This suggests that while discipleship has its place, it also has its limitations and that, in some way, spiritual formation addresses this. Even still, Greenman (2010, 24) admits, spiritual formation is not a precise, technical term and hence its actual meaning is unclear, as evidenced by Willard’s (2002, 14) statement, “‘Spiritual’ is not automatically ‘good.’” Since “Christianity has not been imparting effectual answers to the vital questions of human existence,” theologically sound spiritual formation presents a “hopeful possibility for responding to the crying, unmet need of the human soul” (20-21). According to Greenman (2010, 53), discipleship “may be loosely described as staying as close to Jesus Christ as possible” where believers learn from Jesus how to live life in the here and now through obedience. New believers in particular require discipling, namely learning from another human being what it means to learn from Jesus. Stanley and Clinton (1992, 48) define discipling as “a relational process in which a more experienced follower of Christ shares with a newer believer the commitment, understanding, and basic skills necessary to know and obey Jesus Christ as Lord.” This is a time of establishing basic spiritual disciplines or habits in one’s devotional life (51) so that “a growing disciple will develop commitment to stay in the habit-forming process” (52). In encouraging Page 70 intimacy with Christ, knowledge of self and co-labouring with Him might emerge. The goal of discipleship is moving from dependence upon the discipler to independence from the discipler. In other words, there is “a specific time of closure” (58) where the disciple is deliberately released, but continues as a lifelong disciple of Jesus. Where discipleship introduces believers to Scripture, prayer, devotions, witnessing, ministry, etc., spiritual formation looks at the living out of one’s relationship to God in everyday life (Copan 2016, xv). This is what makes spiritual formation broader than discipleship. Spiritual formation takes into account what has been established in discipleship (ways of studying Scripture, types of prayer, introduction to silence, etc.) to explore and give voice to the formation discipleship has on the believer (response to Scripture, engagement in prayer, resistance to silence, etc.). Intentional spiritual formation that builds upon discipleship is the lifelong focus on Jesus where inner transformation is manifested in outward obedience to Him (Willard 2002, 22-23). According to Foster (2007), spiritual formation is “the formation and conformation and transformation of the human personality—body, mind, and spirit—into the likeness of Jesus Christ.” Nouwen (2010, xvi) proffers, “It’s about the movements from the mind to the heart through prayer in its many forms that reunite us with God, each other, and our truest selves.” Greenman’s (2010, 24) theological definition is “our continuing response to the reality of God’s grace shaping us into the likeness of Jesus Christ, through the work of the Holy Spirit, in the community of faith, for the sake of the world.” It would appear the use of Page 71 the word “spiritual” has different connotations; Foster refers to the human spirit while Greenman refers to the Holy Spirit. So what, exactly, is meant by the word spiritual? Howard (2018, 18) will not omit the use of the word spiritual since it “addresses both the depths of human spirit and attunement with the Spirit of Christ.” While the primary agent of Christian spiritual formation is the Spirit, it also involves human agents such as directors, small groups, and others (17). Howard also believes community is part of spiritual formation, and so Christian spiritual formation is defined as “a Spirit- and human-led process by which individuals and communities mature in relationship with the Christian God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and are changed into ever-greater likeness to the life and gospel of this God” (18). Chandler (2014, 17), like Howard, prefaces spiritual formation with Christian. She briefly delineates each word: “Christian connotes that all personal formation flows from the person of God in Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit . . . spiritual . . . is utilized to describe all dimensions of life as influenced by the Spirit. Formation refers to both what is formed and the manner in which it is shaped” (18). This leads to her all-encompassing definition: [Christian Spiritual formation is] an interactive process by which God the Father fashions believers into the image of his Son, Jesus, through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit by fostering development in seven primary life dimensions (spirit, emotions, relationships, intellect, vocation, physical health and resource stewardship). (19) Ziegler (2018, 75) capitalizes the term “Spiritual” to distinguish Christian formation from “spiritualistic” formation that is not specifically Christian. He Page 72 maintains, “Spiritual formation is most properly understood through the dynamic trinitarian lens of participation in the Son’s relation with the Father through the Spirit” (74), that is, the word spiritual refers to the Trinity rather than the human spirit. Furthermore, in arguing for a “christological foundation which, by definition, should undergird all Spiritual formation in the Christian tradition” (76), the emphasis is on the Spirit of Christ who is both divine and human and thus, only He is able to connect humanity to the Father through the Spirit. Helland both capitalizes and italicises the word “ Spirit,” which clearly places the emphasis on the Holy Spirit doing the formation and thus, is the most helpful in contextualizing the word “spiritual.” He explains that “ Spirit-ual formation results when the Spirit forms us into Christ’s image for the sake of the gospel and mission” and thus, in line with classic Pietist posture and practice, “an interrelation between the spiritual, social, and physical needs of people” becomes world-formation (Helland 2017, 159). Having established that Spirit-ual refers to the Holy Spirit, the question now becomes, What is it that the Spirit is forming? What is Being Formed? Before addressing what, exactly, the Spirit is forming, it might be helpful to enter the complex theological debate of what constitutes the human person. In Franklin’s (2021) lectures on “Being Human: Embodied Experience,” he begins by stating that human life is embodied life, even as humans are more than a body. He identifies four perspectives regarding what human beings are composed of: trichotomous, dichotomous, body-soul holism, and hybrid models. Page 73 Briefly, the trichotomous view takes into account the body, soul, and spirit where the body represents that which is physical, the soul that which is psychological (personality, basis of reason, intellect, emotion, and will), and the spirit that which has a capacity for religion and ability to know God, as supported by 1 Thessalonians 5:23, Hebrews 4:12 and 1 Corinthians 2:14-3:4. The dichotomous view acknowledges a soul-body dualism that understands humans as having two basic components, namely, the body and the soul/spirit or, the material and the immaterial as referred to in Matthew 10:28, James 2:26, Ecclesiastes 12:7, John 19:30, and Luke 23:46. Body-soul holism, or non-reductive physicalism, agrees that humans have a physical component but that the soul is not a distinct and separate substance. Since humans cannot exist without bodies, the complexity of bodies allows for emergent capacities to take place. Therefore, a top-down causation allows for the emergence of activities and capabilities such as consciousness, moral awareness, language, art, culture, etc. Different combinations of the previous views result in hybrid models of which Franklin identifies three: 1) Conditional unity where the normal state of humans is a united body and soul where reference to 2 Corinthians 5:2-4 and 1 Corinthians 15 speaks of the body ultimately becoming a spiritual body; 2) substantial dichotomy and functional trichotomy where the material and immaterial interact in three ways: to God in spirit, to others in soul, and to the world in body; and 3) emergent dualism where the soul emerges from the body and thus is added to the body but not separate from the body even though the soul Page 74 can detach from the body at death, only to be finally joined together at the resurrection. In wanting to communicate to as wide an audience as possible, Reimer (2016, 16) prefers the term “soul care” to “spiritual formation.” To help those receiving soul care, he clarifies: “To really understand your identity, you have to properly divide soul and spirit” (37). Thus, in Christ, believers receive a new, perfected spirit that is “purified, purged, renewed, born again, and transformed” while the soul (defined as mind, will, and emotions) “can still be a bit of a mess..... [the] soul can have hurts and bitterness . . . sin and demonic strongholds. [The] soul can have fears and faulty beliefs about who [one is] . . . can still feel condemnation and shame” (38). Thus, the soul is yet to “catch up to the reality of what has transpired in [one’s] spirit in Christ” (67). Soul care, then, is the working out of one’s identity by learning to become who one already is (38). This distinction between spirit and soul can be helpful for soul care, but the use of Platonic vocabulary with regards to the soul can unintentionally or subconsciously downplay the importance of the body, given the latter is regarded as a prison of the soul. Rather than referring to soul and spirit, Shepherd (pers. comm. February 16, 2021) prefers the biblical terms of old creation and new creation as found in 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV): “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!” The new creation is now the believer’s identity even though the old creation still clings on and has to be discerningly repudiated through repentance and obedience. In Hebrew, “soul” (nephesh) means Page 75 “life” (and can be applied to both humans and animals) whereas “spirit” means humans are created in a relationship with God where they are recipients of God’s address and invariably respond, either positively or negatively. According to Professor Ward from Wycliffe College (1973, 119), Paul’s intention in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 is not so much “evidence for the tripartite nature of man [sic]” but rather the whole person, much like Mark 12:30 in referring to the heart, soul, mind, and strength. Shepherd (email comm. February 17, 2021) further points out Hebrew parallelism in Luke 1:46-47, where Mary’s soul in magnifying the Lord and her spirit in exulting in God are synonyms rather than distinctions. Willard (2002, 37) understands the soul as “that dimension of the person that interrelates all of the other dimensions so that they form one life” and thus, is “frequently taken to be the person.” He understands the body to be the focal point of human presence in the world and thus bodies “are forever a part of our identities as persons (35). This being the case, spiritual formation “is also and essentially a bodily process. It cannot succeed unless the body is also transformed” (36). Since Christ died and was raised in bodily form, He brings redemption and deliverance to all human bodies and thus the body is “an essential part of who [humans are] and no redemption that omits it is full redemption” (162). What Wright (2008, 36) has to contribute regarding Jewish understanding of the resurrection is helpful here: “Resurrection meant bodies” and was not “a virtual synonym for life after death.” Paul speaks of “the redemption of our bodies” in Romans 8:23, which is taken to mean that “God’s people are promised Page 76 a new type of bodily existence, the fulfillment and redemption of our present bodily life” (147). One translation of the Nicene Creed (Barsabe et al, 2017) declares “the resurrection of the body.” Therefore, Jesus is “both the model for the Christian’s future body and the means by which it comes about” (Wright 2008, 149). Thus, what is being formed by the Spirit is the old creation, in other words, the soul (immaterial) and the body (material) which makes up the twofold reality of human existence (Franklin 2021). With regards to “formation,” Jenson (1982, 217) prefers the term “nurture.” “Formation,” to him, is a horticultural metaphor, “one of pruning a plant into shape,” whereas “nurture” is an agricultural metaphor of digging, dunging, watering, and so forth. He asks the question, “What is this life that we propose to form and nurture in the Christian church?” (217). For Jenson, the answer is “that life that emerges from the waters of baptism”—the casting off of the old and beginning of the new—is the life that needs to be nurtured. That this “new self is an eschatological self, a self in the kingdom, a self in the Spirit” (218) is not explicitly defined as either soul or spirit. Using biblical language, this new self would be the new creation in Christ, now abiding in Him. Thus, the new creation is formed but the old creation is being transformed. When one is encircled by trinitarian grace, faith and obedience are a manifestation of one’s participation by the Spirit in the faithful response of Christ (Ziegler 2018, 77). Therefore, if Jesus is the “pattern and ground for every response to God on our part . . . we do not act alone [because] there is no such thing as an independent act of faith” (77). In subjective moral formation, when Page 77 leaders “respond to Christ’s response,” they are making an independent response; in objective trinitarian participation, however, when leaders “respond in [Christ’s] response” (79), they are responding to an invitation. Formation or nurture is not something that is “done” to a person but rather it is the individual’s participation in the work the Trinity is uniquely doing now in his or her life that is formative. Therefore, this author’s key elements for spiritual formation are trinitarian, soul and body directed, and participative in the love and work of the Trinity. Gathering all these elements of spiritual formation together, the revelation of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit invite all to be in loving and worshipful relationship with them. Those who enter this relationship are, in Christ, able to honour the Great Commandment to love God, neighbour and self. The honouring of the Great Commandment is formative as it provides opportunities for warped God-images, the hurt and embittered old creation, and broken relationships to receive healing through soul care and spiritual disciplines. The new creation can respond in love to God in Christ through the Spirit. Dependent upon the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, all ministry becomes Christ’s ministry as wounded healers, collectively empowered, participate in the Great Commission to make disciples, baptize, and teach. This forges a holy people. This terminology also includes the importance of worship and holiness. Torrance (1996, 10) is convinced that “how we worship God must reflect who God is—the triune God,” and according to Leviticus 11:44, His people are to be holy because He is holy. Shepherd (pers. comm., July 11, 2020) further elucidates Page 78 that holiness is how believers are to live concretely today and that it is to be the shape of the Church’s life so that she is the living documentation of God. Without a trinitarian grounding, the Great Commandment can become a dry list and the Great Commission a platform for fragile egos. Trinitarian Spiritual Formation begins as an invitation from the Trinity to the soul (understood as mind, spirit, heart, and will) and body (inclusive of brain, biochemistry, anatomy, basic drives, instincts, and functions) to participate in the fellowship the Father has with the Son through the Spirit. Drawing on these considerations, my working definition of TSF is the ongoing transformation of the soul and body participating with the Trinity in honouring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. It is crucial for Christ followers to believe who they already are in Christ so that they may remember whose they are in God. Ignatian Spirituality In another introduction to an unpublished paper, Chan (2020) writes that with more than 2000 years of history, the Church has been provided “rich and varied traditions of loving God” (Thomas 2010, 17). The Body of Christ has an incredible legacy upon which “to look back through the centuries to learn from others who lived in different times as well as on different continents” (Holt 2017, 16). This multicultural story of Christian history that recounts the many authentic ways to be Christian (3) includes the Ignatian movement. If God desires “to make for Himself a people who reflect His holiness” (Smith 2013, 18), then how does Ignatian spirituality contribute toward that end? How may this branch of Page 79 Catholicism speak meaningfully across denominations on how to be an authentic Christian, encouraging believers in their pursuit of a devout life, reverent for God, and steadfast in godliness? (Helland 2017, 17). Everyone in the body of Christ can be beneficiaries of Ignatian spirituality, and even though this does not mean approving everything this tradition offers, Holt (2017, 17) maintains there is wisdom in sifting out what is valuable from what is not. Martin (2010, 1) introduces Ignatius as “a sixteenth century soldier- turned-mystic who founded a Catholic religious order called the Society of Jesus, also known as the Jesuits” and whose way of proceeding in life has helped people experience God in their daily lives. Ignatius’ powerful mystical and spiritual experiences became his awakening to follow Christ, and theology gave him a context in which to talk about his experiences. Martin (2010, 2) defines spirituality as “a way of living in relationship with God” and attests that all Christian spiritualities have the same focus, namely, a desire for God, belief in Jesus, and an emphasis on love and charity. Fleming (2008a, vii-viii) depicts Ignatian spirituality as “a spiritual ‘way of proceeding’ that offers a vision of life, an understanding of God, a reflective approach to living, a contemplative form of praying, a reverential attitude to our world, and an expectation of finding God daily.” These foundational qualities of Jesuit directors in particular, can also be foundational for directors in general. Ignatian spirituality offers a three-part vision of life, work, and love (Fleming 2008a, 2-5). The life vision asks: What is life all about? Its intention is to look to the Source of life. The work vision asks: What is our work in this world Page 80 all about? This has two features: Christ calls believers (a) to be with Him and (b) to work with Him in the trenches as He does the work of evangelizing and healing. Purves (2010, 44) insists that Jesus does not “want to get more involved in our ministries” because He “has his own resurrected ministry to do . . . and he wants us in on it.” The vision of love is anchored in the fact that God loves and invites everyone to love Him in return. As Primary Mover, God’s ultimate expression of His love is Jesus. Through Him, God shares the work He does in the world, and in participating in this work, believers express love back to God. The centrality of Ignatian spirituality lies in The Spiritual Exercises (Fleming, 2008b) based on Ignatius’ own spiritual progress, and is thus a product of lived experience (O’Malley 2014, 8). They are organized into four weeks—not literal seven-day weeks but rather stages on a pilgrimage—that are thus to be experienced rather than simply read. During the first week, the participant reflects in gratitude for God’s gifts in life and on his or her own sinfulness, leading to the realization of being a sinner known and loved by God. In the second week, the retreatant follows a series of meditations on Jesus’ life which brings him or her in contact, through the imagination, with Jesus in His earthly ministry. For the period of the third week, the retreatant focuses on the Passion of Jesus and His journey to the cross. In the fourth week, the participant ponders the resurrection of Jesus and, once again, God’s love (Martin 2010, 20). The Exercises can be engaged with as a Thirty-Day Retreat, as the 19th annotation over a nine-month period, or as a five-day RDL with a local church. All versions require guidance by a spiritual director. Page 81 Ignatian spirituality has much to contribute to a TSF. Ignatius “had a great devotion to the Blessed Trinity” (Ignatius 1555, 13) which brought great consolation, opened the eyes of his soul, and enlightened his mind to the extent that he felt like a new man, possessed of a new intellect. Through integrating Scripture with his imagination, Ignatius found himself in the presence of Jesus, to whom he confessed his sins (8) and where he also “saw the humanity of Christ with the eyes of the soul” (13). Additionally, Ignatius saw desire as “a key way that God speaks to us” (Martin 2010, 58). Therefore, the Exercises encourage participants to pray for their desires (62). Desire plays a role in the decision- making process, known as discernment, and hence the Exercises can be one avenue used in discerning vocation. As Martin (2007) explains, In this way, God’s desires for the world are fulfilled, since ultimately our deepest desires are those that God has planted within us. So the notion of vocation (from the Latin word vocare, meaning “to call”) is less about finding one and more about having it revealed to us, as we continually pray to understand what Jesuits call our “governing” desires. Martin (2010, 5-10) encapsulates Ignatian spirituality in four ways that inform TSF. The first is finding God in all things, that is, nothing is considered outside the purview of the spiritual life because everything in life is important to God (7). The second is being a contemplative in action where a contemplative stance is adopted toward the world (8). The third is incarnational spirituality where God can be found in the everyday events of life (8). The fourth pertains to freedom from “disordered affections” (anything that appeals to the soul and body that is not life-giving) toward “detachment” in order to grow closer to God (10). Page 82 The beauty of the Exercises lies in their flexibility within the given structure. Veltri (1983) followed Ignatius’ example in the creation of the RDL in wanting as many as possible to directly experience God. Veltri was convinced that retreatant discernment with regards to life choices would be personally led by the Father, Son, and Spirit. This is the Ignatian way of participating in the Trinity. Veltri’s hope for the RDL was for retreatants to experience God’s love and grow in the spiritual freedom of Jesus and toward God’s service and praise. The RDL has been used in the training of Internship directors at Tyndale University and also introduced to the wider Tyndale community. These exercises, written for directors leading retreatants who may come specifically to discern their vocation, are a wonderful manual for the training and growth of directors. As Hernandez (2018) cautions, “We mustn’t forget where we have come from, for we owe a debt of gratitude to those who have come before us.” Thus, incorporating Ignatian spirituality into TSF is beneficial particularly for those wishing to be contemplatives in action. Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model Ziegler (2018, 76) poses a key question: “What work does the ascended incarnate Christ do in this description of the Christian life?” I have sought to address this in creating a Model that, regardless of ministry but specifically for spiritual direction and supervision, focuses on the work Christ began on earth and continues to fulfil through His followers. Thus the Great Commandment and Great Commission which anchors my TSFM is as follows: Page 83 The Great Commandment ~ Mark 12:29-31 The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these. The Great Commission ~ Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Overview of the Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model To recap, my working definition of TSF is the ongoing transformation of the soul and body participating with the Trinity in honouring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. Applying this to the TSFM (fig. 1), the Great Commandment can be seen in the three circles to love God, love neighbour, and love self. The Great Commission can be seen in the neighbour circle to make disciples, baptize, and teach. In the Love God circle, God is experienced as Father, Son, and Spirit to whom loving response is expressed through worship. The Love Self circle is next because it is impossible to appropriately love neighbour without a measure of self-awareness or modicum of healing. Here, love is expressed through soul care and spiritual disciplines, which, according to Mulholland (2000, 79-80), also need to be discerned if they are to confront any lie that is contrary to God’s truth. In the Love Neighbour circle, love is expressed through missions, which includes making disciples, baptising, and teaching. Page 84 The Great Commandment Mark 12:29-31 The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these. The Great Commission Matthew 28:18-20 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Figure 1: Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 1 details. ] Page 85 The three overlaps between each circle describe the process of TSF. God’s revelation reminds believers who they are and reinforces Boyd’s (2004, 15) point of “experiencing spiritual truth as real.” Affirmed, believers are first personally encouraged to live out this truth and, second, encouraged to reach out to their neighbours in and with this truth. Individually, in accordance with Mark 12:30, believers are integrated heart, soul, mind, and strength in the Trinity so that collectively they are integrated into community, enabling the Church to live out 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV): “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” The Model is not linear or formulaic or systematic and thus, not to be used indiscriminately. Rather, when animated by the Holy Spirit, it is, in essence, one of discernment. After all, if God can use a donkey to speak truth to Balaam (Numbers 22: 28), then He can use this Model for whatever suits His purposes. Parts of the Model A key feature of the TSFM lies within the three interlinking circles, the triquetra, which represents the unity of the whole combination of three forces, namely the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The heart of the Model is the Trinity around which all else revolves, exists, and is invited to participate. This is the place of rest. It is a safe place. It is the place where the soul is encouraged to “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). It is the place where the downcast soul puts his or her hope in God (Psalm 42:11). It is the place where the soul finds Page 86 rest in God (Psalm 62:1 [NIV]). The Trinity is the God who sends (Franklin 2017- 18, 75) in the power of His love. Helland (2017, 159) deems, “The more spiritual you are the more missional you will also become.” Trinitarian Spiritual Formation in the Love God circle brings to light faulty God-images or transference. Lewis (2001,66) reminds believers that God Himself is the great iconoclast, given no one’s idea of God is divine and has to be shattered time after time. Each self-revelation of God enables reconnection (a) to who God actually is and (b) to how God sees and knows the self. God is now no longer faceless or abstract. In the Trinity, He becomes concrete. Trinitarian theology reveals and reminds the self how every thought, idea, dream, and act of God is “birthed out of this fellowship” (Kruger 2000, 25). Remembering, reconnecting, and belonging fulfill the deep yearning to respond to the God who first loves. The Love Self circle is the place of self-awareness and ongoing healing. Here, TSF advocates soul care, which is the working out of the self’s identity in learning to become who the self already is in Christ (Reimer 2016, 38), namely, the new creation. Trinitarian Spiritual Formation that is complemented by spiritually discerned disciplines (Mulholland 2000, 79) enables areas of bitterness and unforgiveness to be expunged as the soul and body receives healing. Biblical repentance begins with “changing the way you think. It is about bringing yourself into alignment with God” (Reimer 2016, 75). This is an important first step in participating in the work of Christ as encouraged in 2 Corinthians 10:5, to capture rebellious thoughts and to “teach them to obey Christ.” Even the events leading to Page 87 repentance are spiritually forming. Therefore, the new creation takes God at His Word in the very places where the old creation challenges His truth. The Love Neighbour circle is where the self both relates to and is, in return, also neighbour to another (from family to friends to acquaintances to strangers to enemies). Thus, TSF extends into the mission field, be it the home, the workplace, the church, or beyond and mirrors Jesus’ instructions to be His witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth (see Acts 1:8). All ministry is dependent “in every way upon the continuing ministry of Jesus” (Purves 2007, 52). Therefore, who Jesus is and what He is doing in the present circumstance and in the lives of those who have been created in His image defines the work of ministry, for as Purves (2007, 53) asserts, “It is not our ministries that make Christ present; it is the present, living Christ who makes our ministries possible.” This counteracts self-styled ministries. Process of Trinitarian Spiritual Formation The process of TSF is described in the circle overlaps. In the overlap between the Love God and Love Self circles is revelation (surprising and previously unknown fact), where in the light of God’s revelation the self is reminded of who he or she is in Christ, even in the midst of a world of pain and grief (2 Corinthians 5:17). God is worthy of worship. He does not coerce self and neighbour to worship Him, but those who choose to worship God offer Him a sacrifice of praise (Hebrews 13:15). The God-praising self, created in and for Christ, is most fully human in Christ. As Benner (2004, 17) says, “True knowing Page 88 of our self demands that we know our self as known by God, and true knowing of God demands that we know God . . . through our lived experience.” Thus, it is in the difficult areas of self’s life that God’s transforming love is at work. In the overlap between the Love Self and Love Neighbour is the affirmation (action or process of being affirmed) that paradoxically enables death to self (John 12:24) in order to become the work of the Potter’s hands (Isaiah 64:8). Shaped by the Potter, the self is given the ability to reach out to neighbour because of the reality of what has occurred in the self’s soul and body. Love of self allows self to live in the freedom of the truth of the ascended Christ and, as a wounded healer, “help others find Jesus the Healer who can set them free!” (Reimer 2016, 250). For the self to love God requires all which hinders or blocks the old creation from receiving His love be identified and placed at the feet of Jesus. Only as lies are confronted can the self hear God’s voice clearly and, in turn, love neighbour. In the overlap between the Love Neighbour and Love God is integration (combining one thing with another so that they become a whole) that begins with the renewing of self’s mind (Romans 12:2) in order to say in Jesus, “not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). This formation culminates in becoming God’s very own possession (1 Peter 2:9) that worships Father, Son, and Spirit. As with the Trinity who “exists as a community of connected persons” (Crabb 1997, 55) so is the human race created to be a community of connected persons, not just with each other but with the Trinity. Community brings opportunities for the Spirit speaking through others to shed light where souls and bodies are yet to Page 89 align with Christ. Every relationship “has the potential of becoming the place of transforming encounter with God,” for TSF “takes place in the midst of our relationships with others, not apart from them” (Mulholland 2016, 51). This overall formational process is not a one-time event. It is individually unique and fully surrendered to the Spirit, and so it is one of ongoing discernment. Thus, He who began this good work within each self will continue this work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6). The participative work of repentance and forgiveness in Christ is repeated until the integrative healing of heart, soul, mind, and strength is received. Each movement is dependent upon the initiation, illumination, and empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Persistent issues are tenaciously revisited, forming an unceasing cycle of revelation, affirmation, and integration that moves ever deeper into the soul and body as the fruits of healing bring about the transformation of individuals, creating a holy and worshipful people in eternal relationship with the Trinity. The TSFM can be helpful for all leaders in ministry, but by way of application it will be demonstrated with directors in spiritual direction. The mindsets of directors are crucial, that is, they have to believe what God says over and above what anyone else says of them. As Reimer (2016, 39) expresses, “The power of a lie is in our agreement with it.” Self-awareness is important, for the very “things we deny about ourselves are the very things that deny us from the fullness of God” (15). Therefore, whatever directors believe of their own identity will shape how they honour the Great Commandment (for example, are they Page 90 receptive to what God is revealing to them?) and the Great Commission (for example, in whose strength are they carrying out ministry?). The very process of honouring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission brings to the surface the specific issues where Jesus is already at work. For example, if a director does not believe he or she is good enough, then loving God from a place of legalism may result in burnout and a time of deep searching of who one is. Or, for directors who do not make time with God a daily habit, in those moments of uncertainty during the giving of spiritual direction they have nothing but their self to fall back on and therefore, in causing harm to the directee, could trigger depression and disillusionment regarding ministry. These “soul-shaping crisis opportunities lead [directors and supervisors] to surrender and discover the healing grace of God” (Reimer 2016, 194). Questions guiding the use of the TSFM are circle-related and spiritually forming. They are to be spiritually discerned and emerge from having deeply listened to the other. For the Love God circle, sample questions are, (a) How am I experiencing God’s love? (b) Where am I resisting God? and (c) What distractions prevent me from being fully attentive to Him? For the Love Self circle, sample questions are, (a) What is my identity in Christ? (b) What lies do I believe that contradict this? and (c) What wounds or painful experiences in my past need the healing touch of Jesus? For the Love Neighbour circle, sample questions are, (a) What characteristics of Jesus do I already see in my neighbours that I can affirm and encourage? (b) What work is Jesus already doing in their lives that I can Page 91 participate in? and (c) How can I embody the Good News in the midst of their struggles? Limitations Spiritual formation models cannot be all encompassing. My TSFM is only able to capture a snapshot of a moment in time. It is a static, visual summary of a believer’s TSF in process. The mysterious ways of the Holy Spirit and where He leads are never a foregone conclusion, and thus this model has its limitations, a few of which are raised here. In light of TSF, the visual presentation of the Model may not be self- explanatory and emphasis on trinitarian doctrine may not be emphatic enough. There may be confusion as to the Love God circle being inclusive of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The repetitive process dependent upon the leading of the Holy Spirit is not visually evident. Although they are an important part of TSF, specific spiritual practices are not identified or prescribed. Although the body has been acknowledged, there is no explicit reference as to how loving God and the neighbour as self enables bodies to live to their fullest (Moll 2014, 16) in the present, or any discussion of how the resurrected body will no longer be “subject to sickness, injury, decay, and death itself” (Wright 2008, 160). Furthermore, the Model does not explore the importance of location where geographical ties to childhood haunts and physical settings can enhance worship or how the Father speaks into the space dedicated to prayer. Issues of culture, society, and tradition are embedded in the model but are subtle in their presence. Page 92 Gender-related responses are not referenced. Denominational influences and their impact are not immediately apparent, and no direct references are made to the impact of modernity or post-modernity, consumerism, or secularization. This Model may require the prayerful help of a mature believer or spiritual director. Application of Model in Ministry Context The TSFM was designed to be adaptable, somewhat like the Ignatian Exercises. It can be applied corporately or individually. It can also provide a template or a structure from which to orientate oneself. Hjalmarson (Lecture 2018) clarifies this by saying, “Maps and models orientate us on a complex landscape” through boundaries and also signs and indicators that relate parts to one another “so that every part is seen in the connection to the whole.” This can especially be helpful to newcomers. The TSFM can be used as a tangible map to prayerfully explore that which is intangible. It can be applied to the Church, a denomination, or Christian organization as well as to the elders board, missions committee, or Life Groups. Due to its scriptural foundation, the Model lends itself to any Christian ministry. The size of the circles can provide a visual gauge of how the church, institution, or community is responding in love to God, self, and neighbour. In the same way, the TSFM can become a visible reminder to spiritual leaders in general and directors in particular that their lives contain purpose in the Great Commandment and meaning in the Great Commission. Visualisation is helpful in moving leaders or directors out of space which is linear and in control Page 93 of outcomes into space which is more intuitive and open to the movement of the indwelling Spirit. Thus, the Model can be personalized to reflect the uniqueness of each user’s TSF. This can foster self-awareness, for example, of where might a user be resisting God or neglecting self or even idolizing neighbour. Prayerful contemplation resulting in spiritual discernment helps guide placement of each of the circles and their size in relation to the other. Sitting with the diagrammatic representation of where the user is in relationship to loving God, self and neighbour can become a powerful aid to prayer and openness to the work of the Trinity. By way of demonstration, this will now be applied to the supervision of three fictitious directors, as seen in figure 2. Figure 2: Personalized TSFM in Supervision [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 2 details. ] Director A is quietly frustrated with God even as he dutifully seeks to please Him (smallest Love God circle). Due to unanswered prayers, he is self- focused, self-referencing, and self-protective (largest Love Self circle). He is Page 94 determined to help his directee at all costs, regardless of whether God will intervene or not. Supervision attending to the director’s frustration may point toward past disappointment in God or reveal a warped God-image. Director B is new to giving spiritual direction and, despite being self- conscious, her overall focus is to please God (largest Love God circle). As the director gives spiritual direction to a passive directee (smallest Love Neighbour circle), this creates internal anxiety within her. Supervision could explore the director’s preoccupation of self as triggered by the directee due to people-pleasing tendencies or the self-reliance with which the director is giving direction. An enlarged God circle may be indicative of a pharisaic spirit. Director C is driven and determined to make a name for herself as a director. Her self-styled ministry is intent on seeing behavioural changes in her directee (largest Love Neighbour circle) for God’s sake (smallest Love God circle). Supervision can draw attention to what may be contributing to the director’s insecurity resulting in director drivenness, thus hindering deep listening to the Spirit or seeing Jesus already at work in the directee’s life. It also stands to reason that this Model can be used discerningly by directors on their directees for the same purposes as seen in the following three examples: (a) A directee making a life decision might be asked, “In deciding to emigrate, how are you honouring God? Your family? Yourself?” (b) A directee struggling with a defensive congregant might be asked, “How is your recent spiritual breakthrough informing you through this difficult situation?” (c) A directee reaping the consequences of poor life choices might be asked, “Where do Page 95 you sense Jesus at work in your grief?” This Model could be a springboard for Internship directors as they transition into this ministry or a source of recalibration for seasoned directors who may have fallen back on self-styed ministry. Since directors meet monthly with supervisors, they are encouraged to self-supervise, which promotes regular reflection on their sessions in the presence of the Spirit. As directors become familiar with the TSFM, they can bring to supervision areas that otherwise could have been overlooked. After all, supervisors can only supervise what is brought before them. Directors may also be better able to see where their stories parallel that of their directees and what God may be inviting them to pay attention to in their own lives. This way, directors are able to separate their TSF from that of their directees and thus provide direction from a place of interior freedom. A case in point can be seen in the actual use of the TSFM with a director I am currently supervising. From her submitted verbatim, it was evident her Love Neighbour circle was out of proportion to her Love God and Love Self circles, which I sketched out beforehand. During supervision, I affirmed the director’s own observation by showing her the sketch. As she applied the TSFM she came to recognize that (1) her directee’s life is in God’s hands and (2) she was not serving God out of love but out of fear. As we attended to her Love Self circle, she experienced the grace of God. The look of joy on her face was reflective of her resting once again in the love of the Trinity. Finally, the TSFM can be applied in the midst of everyday life. From a personal perspective, I have lived out the TSFM. Like the examen, it was Page 96 reflection on a family incident that revealed my focus on the Love Neighbour circle at the temporary expense of the Love Self circle. In the past, I would have cheerfully ignored love of self, but basking in Jesus’ love until all was once again well with my soul and body became a much needed spiritual breakthrough for me. The TSFM encourages believers to rest in the Trinity. In a world of unknowing— whether civil unrest, a pandemic, or economic collapse—there is a place of knowing God’s love and knowing of self that allows the formational work of the Spirit to shape for good a knowing of neighbours in need of shalom. In places of powerlessness, believers draw on the strength of the Trinity. The TSFM then is a non-judgemental visual of how one is loving God, self, and neighbour, which may influence the way directors listen to their directees. Prayerful reflection might identify withdrawal where there was once trust or reveal how areas of consolation and desolation, especially with regards to decision-making, are affecting love of God, self, and neighbour. Through encouraging conversation with their own spiritual director, a director may develop the ability to see herself or himself “as one who is loved as [he or she is], with the expectancy of what [he or she is] becoming” (Thompson 2010, xvi). Regarding the physical size of the Model’s centre, the place of the Trinity, emphasis is always on His presence (Psalm 139: 7) rather than the actual size of the triquetra. Regardless of size and overlap of circles, the Trinity always remains present, indicative of God’s promise from Deuteronomy 31:6 to never leave or forsake His people. To say the same thing differently, despite the differing circle Page 97 sizes and the placement of these circles, the centre can never be erased, because the Trinity is always present. Conclusion Spiritual formation can be a nebulous term to the uninitiated and confusing even to practitioners. Spiritual formation is not exclusively Christian, given “all religions, whether ancient or modern have their own spiritualities” (Read, 2011). With the rise of interfaith spirituality incorporating eastern practices to spiritualities in ecology and even digital technology (Holt 2017, Ch. 9, 10 and Afterword), it is no wonder the term “spiritual formation” is a theologian’s nightmare. Purves (2007, 120) notes, “Wrong thinking concerning God leads to confusion in Christian life and ministry. If we think wrongly about God, then we get life and ministry wrong.” Right thinking concerning God reflects a triune God. For Christian leaders, the doctrine of the Trinity, central to spiritual formation, reveals the Father as a fundamentally relational Being. Tillich, in The Courage to Be, says it well: “Life is accepting His acceptance” (quoted in Volkman 1996, 71). This brings a deeper understanding as to why loving God, neighbour and self is the Greatest Commandment and making disciples, baptising them, and teaching them is the Greatest Commission. Furthermore, trinitarian theology is necessary for sound discipleship, upon which spiritual formation develops and enrichens the transformation of the soul and body. Spiritual formation is an inner transformation that is externally Page 98 expressed, as it is internally experienced in the soul and externally witnessed in the body. In the light of bodily resurrection, spiritual formation is eschatological. The Nicene Creed’s declaration of “the resurrection of the body” means “God’s people are promised a new type of bodily existence” (Wright 2008, 147) and thus, what is being formed in TSF is both the soul and the body. Mindful that “our great need is not more training, but more attentiveness and readiness” (Ziegler 2018, 90), my field research project in Chapter IV will focus on the TSF of Tyndale graduate spiritual directors who are discerning a vocational call to train as supervisors to spiritual directors. Anchored in the Trinity, they will engage in a contemplative evocative approach toward a TSF so that through Scripture and the use of their sanctified imagination they can discern the voice of God. A spiritually formed candidate makes for a humble and God- fearing director that no amount of technical training can produce. It is hoped the seven-week Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life that attends to the TSF of participants will shape their theology, strengthen their relationship with the Trinity, discern where they are to engage in ministry, and, in response to His voice, result in their obedience. Page 99 CHAPTER IV: RESEARCH PROJECT ~ ATTENDING TO THE SPIRITUAL FORMATION OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS THROUGH A CONTEMPLATIVE EVOCATIVE APPROACH TOWARD DISCERNMENT OF VOCATIONAL CALL Lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ~ Ephesians 4:1 This research project seeks to explore the question, Does attending to the spiritual formation of directors through a contemplative evocative approach better equip them to discern a calling to the supervision of directors? The three-fold foci are (1) the spiritual formation of directors, (2) discerning a vocational call to supervision, and (3) the effectiveness of the Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life (SF-RDL) in nurturing a contemplative evocative approach (CEA) toward Trinitarian Spiritual Formation (TSF). A contemplative evocative approach is one of receptivity toward God, self and other through non-judgemental listening that elicits an exploratory awareness of what is being called forth, thus creating space for new meaning and experiences. Emphasis was placed on the TSF of directors, anticipated as the place from where discernment would arise and ministry would flow. Given the gravity of supervision to directors attending to directees, this research project recommends an intentional period of ministry-focused discernment within a praying community as one of a number of prerequisites for directors transitioning to becoming supervisors. Page 100 Opportunity Since the inception of Tyndale University’s Spiritual Direction Internship in 2000, the number of students graduating from the Internship has increased and with that the need for discerning supervisors. Internship students and graduates can become members of the Tyndale Association of Spiritual Directors (TASD), whose mission is to “resource spiritual directors within the Tyndale community and the Christian Church, with a passion to help Christians attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (www.tyndale.ca/seminary/tasd). Graduate directors seeking certification with the Canadian Council of Professional Certification (CCPC) are to meet with Tyndale approved supervisors. There were three Tyndale Certified Spiritual Director Supervisors (CSDS) for the 86 members of the TASD in 2019-2020. As one of these supervisors, I noticed a heavy reliance on human-centred approaches, a position and practice at odds with the purpose of spiritual direction. Miller (pers. comm., November 3, 2020) defines spiritual direction as “companioning others in order to discern how they are aware of God’s conversation with them or not, and how they are then responding to God’s conversation in all of their life.” Graduate directors from the Internship are not necessarily called to the ministry of spiritual direction; thus, discerning a vocational call to supervision is vital. According to Ruffing (pers. comm., January 18, 2020), it is essential to weed out potentially disastrous supervisors. Aside from Ontario Jubilee’s four-day supervision retreat in November 2019 (run by three Canadian supervisors trained in the United States), ongoing Page 101 supervision training in Canada is slight. The last supervision training course conducted at Regis College, University of Toronto, was in the fall of 2012. The United States offers supervision training programs, the most notable being Together In the Mystery (https://www.togetherinthemystery.org/) based in California. At present, there is minimal support for the training of Canadian supervisors, although this is beginning to be addressed in the evolving Internship. Supervision provides ethical accountability (McDonnell, TASD Workshop 2011) and serves as the primary source of ongoing skills development of directors (Tucker, Supervision Workshop 2015) and ministerial care. Three groups and areas benefitting from more supervisors are (1) Internship directors, (2) TASD members, and (3) the ongoing and growing interest in spiritual direction worldwide (Spiritual Directors International, 2012). Response Having supervised internship directors for more than seven years, I noticed those who neglected their spiritual formation in favour of accumulating Internship hours frequently questioned their calling, doubted their ability, and wrestled with fatigue. In addressing my concern to the department, the Internship focus shifted to allow greater emphasis on spiritual formation rather than achieving 180 hours of giving spiritual direction over the two academic terms. However, directors caught up in the whirlwind of ministry often took the path of least resistance, indiscriminately incorporating the Myers-Briggs, the Enneagram, emotion-focused therapy, and other tools in an attempt to shore up their ministry. Page 102 Ziegler’s (2018, 74) article, “Is it Time for a Reformation of Spiritual Formation? Recovering Ontology,” described what I was seeing in supervision, namely “Christologically anemic versions of anthropologically-centered Spiritual [direction].” With an emphasis on human effort rather than the centrality of Jesus, I frequently observed directors struggle with “nonpersonal ideals and technique focused [tools]” (78), but I did not have the theological acumen nor the vocabulary with which to articulate this. The spiritual formation of directors is crucial for the ministry of spiritual direction, and the theology this spiritual formation rests upon is trinitarian. Ziegler (2018, 90) maintains that “training is not for the purpose of making us more self- sufficient and self-capable, but better team players, better communers, and more fuller [ sic ] participants” in the work of the Trinity. Furthermore, Gaines (1996) believes directors cannot be trained; rather, they “must have the gift, the charism—the gift then can be fine-tuned by training” that fosters a non-directive posture, given Jesus is always the Director. Therefore, the focus of this research project is the TSF of directors and not on the training of supervisors. Tending to the TSF of directors helps them foster a contemplative presence and an evocative approach, which is also foundational in the giving of supervision. The need for attentiveness and readiness that Ziegler (2018, 90) identifies as crucial for spiritual formation encourages “servant-like readiness” that is ever attentive to the voice of God. As Proverbs 16:9 points out, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” Submitting ministerial desires to God so He determines the next steps is wise. Page 103 Supervision, Permission, and Access This Research Project was conducted under the supervision of the Project- Thesis professor Dr. Mark Chapman and conformed to the Canadian ethical guidelines in the Tri-Council Policy Statement: Ethical Conduct for Research Involving Humans. I consulted with Dr. David Sherbino, departmental head of Spiritual Formation, and Sharon Bradimore, Spiritual Direction Internship Instructor, as to the appropriateness of my project. Permission to carry out this project was granted by the Tyndale Research Ethics Board (see app. 3) on October 3, 2019. I obtained permission from the Chair of the TASD Board to issue an invitation to all TASD members as to their participation in this project. The ministry of supervision provides accountability of the director for the sake of the directee. By the same token, the design of the SF-RDL was submitted to an expert panel of authored directors and supervisors for accountability and consultation: Miller (professor emerita at Eastern Mennonite University, Virginia), Ruffing (professor emerita at Yale Divinity School, Connecticut), Siler (founder of The Healing Place Centre for Counseling and Spiritual Formation, Virginia), and Williams (professor at Regis College, University of Toronto). Furthermore, I consulted with twelve supervisors outside of Tyndale University from the United States and Canada. Romig-Green (email comm., March 2, 2020) in the United States said, “One thing is for sure, we need more supervisors,” while McDonnell (email comm., March 7, 2020) in Canada replied, “There is a crying need to have more supervisors for spiritual directors.” While group supervision is one option, especially for directors with fewer directees, Page 104 Tucker (Supervision Workshop 2015) and Frey (email comm., February 28, 2020) agree that one-to-one supervision provides better support. Directors who understand the importance of supervision acknowledge their accountability to God, responsibility to their directees, and the importance of ministerial self-care. Context As a graduate spiritual director from the Internship at Tyndale University of Tyndale Seminary in 2009, I became a certified spiritual director (CSD) in 2010, a member of the TASD Board from 2010-2014, a co-supervisor for the Internship from 2011-2018, and a CSDS in 2016. I spearheaded the first Tyndale community Retreat in Daily Life (RDL) in February 2011 and was the administrator for the Tyndale Spiritual Formation Centre (TSFC) from 2012- 2014. I am familiar with members of the TASD through the giving of spiritual direction, supervision of directors, or my work at the TSFC. The TASD community is spread across Ontario and two other Canadian provinces (Alberta and Manitoba), with one member in the United States (Colorado) and one member in Panama. Members are from different ethnic, denominational, and socioeconomic backgrounds and are predominantly female. They are Tyndale University graduates with MTS or MDiv degrees who are practicing spiritual directors along with directees who receive spiritual direction and are receiving supervision. Directors who meet the requirements of the CCPC may obtain a CSD qualification. Such directors are those who have received specific training in Bible, theology, and spiritual formation, enabling them to assist individuals (called Page 105 directees) in their spiritual journey. Spiritual Directors are interested in the spiritual health, well-being, and spiritual growth of the directees they serve. Spiritual directors provide this ministry through regular one-on-one sessions (or group sessions) that are focused on listening to, and working with both the directee and the Holy Spirit. (see app. 4) Directors, upon achieving CSD status, often discontinue with supervision. All members agree to uphold the ethics of Tyndale University, the TASD and, where appropriate, the CCPC. Since the completion of this research project, two more Tyndale supervisors have obtained the CSDS designation, with five more in the process of working toward certification under the unfolding Supervision Internship. This research project remains valid for two reasons. First, its quest for a CEA to TSF encourages ministerial discernment and readiness to the supervision of spiritual directors. Second, introducing a CEA through the SF-RDL can be a helpful steppingstone for directors trained under the former model, immediately impacting their own giving of direction, and establishing a CEA toward supervision. Model and Other Resources Since narrating the context of my own TSF in Chapter II and explaining my Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model (TSFM) in Chapter III, it has come to my attention that I have been living out my model without realizing it. It therefore makes sense that my research project, an extension of my lived reality, would be extended to others in ministry. From conversations with directees, I know that my yearning to hear God’s voice is not unique. I assume the same is true for directors. Page 106 Connections with Spiritual Autobiography and Model of Spiritual Formation Little did I know how significant the question was that I had been asking myself since I was seven-years-old: How will I know God’s voice? Despite being discouraged from reading the Bible when I was young, I was inexorably drawn to it, leading me to read the Bible in its entirety, from Genesis to Revelation. Unknown to me, I was being immersed in the language of prayer (Helland 2017, 99) that was trinitarian in its movement, upward to the Father in adoration, praise, thanksgiving, and lament . . . inward to the Son in confession, repentance, submission and communion . . . [and] outward through the Holy Spirit in intercession, supplication, empowerment, and mission for the needs of others and for witness in the world. I was also being taught how to love God, serve Jesus, and follow the Spirit. Each of these strands is interwoven into my research project. The creative God to whom I had been introduced is expressed in the creative design of the SF-RDL. The grace of Jesus in the face of my weaknesses is offered through the SF-RDL material. The draw of the Spirit to participate in His ministry is the invitation of the SF-RDL. My TSFM in figure 1 offers a window into the connective interweave in which, as followers of Jesus, directors can become a part. Trinitarian theology reveals “that God is fundamentally a relational being” (Kruger 2000, 23) and that if the “goal of the Trinity is inclusion” (24), then all are invited. To dwell within the Trinity’s circle of love is to rest in Him, for it is from this place of rest that “doing flows from our relating” (90). Page 107 The TSF of directors begins at the centre of the model within the Trinity and the promise Jesus gave in Matthew 28:20 to always be with His followers. A sacrosanct starting point for directors is knowing how deeply loved they are by the Father, Son, and Spirit. From this place, directors are able to respond in love to God, through Christ and in the Spirit, where all of life then becomes an expression of worship. As participants engage in their own soul care and spiritual disciplines, this manifests in freedom to love neighbour through the giving of spiritual direction or supervision. The SF-RDL (see app. 13 and 14) enables directors to experience all components of the TSFM: being loved in Weeks 1-2, loving God in Weeks 3-4, loving self in Weeks 4-6 and loving neighbour by Week 7, as concretized through their discernment. However, this ascribed plan is always in submission to the leading of the Spirit. Other Resources Ziegler (2018, 75) argues for spiritual formation to be grounded in the doctrine of the Trinity. His work prepared me for the work of Torrance (1996), Kruger (2000), and Purves (2007), all advocates of trinitarian theology that enriched my TSFM. Franklin’s (2017-18, 94, 95) article, “The God Who Sends is The God Who Loves: Mission as Participating in the Ecstatic Love of the Triune God,” draws attention to the practical implications of union with Christ in participation with God’s mission. In this vein, Franklin (95) also insists that union with Christ and God’s mission demand that spiritual discernment and spiritual direction be taken to heart. Page 108 Two books influencing the design and direction of the SF-RDL are Mentoring for Missions where Krallmann (2002, 33) looks at Jesus’ with-ness to His disciples as the most enduring way to transformation and The Master Plan of Evangelism where Coleman (1963, Ch.7) explores the supervision style of Jesus and connects all ministries to the Great Commission (13). Two books encouraging a CEA to ministry and background context for the project are Miller’s Jesus Our Spiritual Director: A Pilgrimage Through the Gospels (2004) and Conroy’s Looking Into the Well: Supervision of Spiritual Directors (1995). The SF-RDL’s framework is inspired by Veltri (1983) and was adapted, with permission, for use in this research project. Reflective exercises housed in the Equipage Handouts were inspired by Siler in the Formational Prayer course with particular reference to Boyd’s (2004) Seeing is Believing: Experiencing Jesus through Imaginative Prayer and Wardle’s (2001) Healing Care, Healing Prayer: Helping the Broken Find Wholeness in Christ. Permission was also granted by various authors to adapt their work in support of a CEA toward spiritual formation (see app. 8). Project, Methodology, and Methods In total, there were eighteen people to coordinate for this research project. There were nine participants from the TASD; two SF-RDL directors trained in the CEA approach to spiritual direction at Souljourners, 2018; one counsellor trained at Tyndale Seminary, 2009; two notetakers, one a graduate from Toronto Bible Page 109 College, 1965 and the other a graduate from Tyndale Seminary, 2009; and four director/supervisor educators on the Expert Panel. Field of Study Within project stipulations (see app. 5), twelve TASD members responded with nine participants signing up. Two participants were men and seven were women, whose ages ranged from the late 40s to mid 60s. Graduate representatives came from the following years: 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2017. Participants came from Alexandria, Guelph, Kitchener, Mississauga, Scotland, Toronto, and Waterloo. Due to unforeseen circumstances, one participant had to withdraw after Week 1. All participants were practicing spiritual directors, meeting two to twenty- five directees. Only five of the nine were in supervision. Two of the directors receiving supervision were giving supervision to other directors. Although all were aware of Veltri’s RDL, only five directors had offered direction to retreatants in previous RDLs, while four had never participated in an RDL. As researcher, I had previously supervised/directed two participants within the Internship more than five years ago. I was in a supervisory relationship with one participant (see Ethics in Ministry-Based Research, see p. 124). Participants were informed that their involvement was voluntary and withdrawal, for whatever reason, would not jeopardize their standing with the TASD, their application to the Supervision Internship, or our own relationship (see app. 5-7). Page 110 Scope The Internship began around 2000 but only since 2017, has it evolved to embrace a contemplative evocative approach toward spiritual direction. All participants were trained under the former model but through the SF-RDL were introduced to a contemplative and evocative experience incorporated in the SF- RDL material. Hence, the emphasis of this research project was on the CEA of TSF and not the training of supervisors. The TSF of participants is foundational for life and ministry. In fact, Miller (pers. comm., November 3, 2020) states, “Without [intentional] spiritual formation, it is not safe to be in ministry.” It is hoped the CEA in nurturing TSF will enrich participants as they (1) become aware of how God communicates to them through their feelings, (2) engage Jesus through their sanctified imagination as guided by Scripture, and (3) attend to what is evoked within them that they may respond in loving God and neighbour as self. It is also hoped that the CEA in cultivating TSF will enrich participants ministerially by (a) influencing their own giving of spiritual direction, (b) introducing terminology and practice that is now being introduced in the Internship, and (c) fostering a CEA approach toward supervision. According to Tucker (Supervision Workshop 2015), the spiritual qualities of supervisors builds upon the spiritual qualities of spiritual directors, and according to Barry and Connolly (2009, 186), if spiritual direction is seen as advice-giving, then supervision will also be advice-giving. Although TSF was the focus of the project, questions pertaining to developing ministerial skills emerged. One question asked was respectfully left Page 111 unaddressed because the researcher was confident the SF-RDL would answer this; follow-up at the after-care interview (December 13, 2019) confirmed this. Another participant requested practice in the giving of supervision via email (October 28, 2019) but neither was this the purpose of the project. Demonstrations of supervision through triad work, opportunities for group discussions, or ministry-related responses to Participant Weekly Questionnaires were also outside the scope of this project. Methodology The methodology of design research (DR) complements the design of the SF-RDL, where everything at the disposal of the project in service to Jesus defies containment. Joost (2016, 7) articulates DR as that which mingles with other disciplines and remixes their methods; it integrates design practice deeply into scientific endeavours and breaks any rule of proper and purified science; it produces alongside new products and services, prototypes that go far beyond paperwork, and messes around with any kind of defined process. With such a description, “there have been calls to better define it to increase its rigour” (Easterday et al, 2018, 131). Yet, Cross (1999, 5) notes that DR “is alive and well, and living in an increasing number of places” (such as research-based journals and design-oriented research). The collection that comprises DR is reflected in the various components of the SF-RDL that took various elements from the RDL, readings from other doctoral courses, and the work of various authors (see app. 8) to design a cohesive tool for discernment. As Cross (1999, 5) notes, “There are forms of knowledge Page 112 peculiar to the awareness and ability of a designer,” which the researcher instinctively capitalized on as a fellow director to the participants. The intent of DR where “researchers design and study interventions that solve practical problems in order to generate effective interventions and theory useful for guiding design” (Easterday et al. 2018, 131) was also the intent of the SF-RDL. The purposive mode of intervention—the SF-RDL as a discernment tool—was an experiment to encourage directors with charism to discern their vocation and readiness to be supervisors. Given that the focus of DR is “real people in all their complexity and variation, understanding and investigating what [directors] actually do, how they understand things, how they value things, what features are desired in what context of use, becomes part of the designer’s activity as they become advocates for users” (Poggenpohl and Sato 2009, 19). Therefore, as research designer, advocating for directees—“the absent other[s]” (Bumpus and Langer 2005, 5)— through encouraging gifted directors to train as supervisors was inevitable. In many ways, TSF and reflection dovetail with DR, which acknowledges the intuitive insights of the designer “without externalized rational” (Poggenpohl and Sato 2009, 26). While Edelson (2002, 117) accepts that DR “does not lead to results with statistically determined confidence levels,” he highlights two important points, both of which apply to this project. First, the goal of DR is the generation of new, useful theories where novelty and usefulness (important evaluation metrics in DR) resolve important problems. In applying this to the project, the new, useful theory is the importance Page 113 of the TSF of directors being grounded in trinitarian doctrine which honours the Great Commandment in service of the Great Commission, and the novelty is in the specificity of the SF-RDL and its usefulness found in preparing candidates for the Internship, thus addressing the problematic shortage of vocation-orientated supervisors. Second, DR gains its strength from its explanatory power and grounding in specific experiences, being “internally consistent and . . . accounting] for the issues raised during the design and evaluation process” (Edelson 2002, 118). In applying this to the project, internal consistency will arise from the participants’ internal observations, issues raised during the design will come from their feedback, and evaluation will rely on an expert panel for verification. Thus, the objective of DR is different from traditional empirical studies and cannot be judged by the same standards (118). Methods The SF-RDL commenced with in-take interviews via Skype from October 7-10, 2019. Preparation for the SF-RDL took place from October 14-17, 2019 where participants interacted with Zeigler’s journal article and three exercises (see app. 12). Nine participants, two notetakers, and the researcher gathered at the communal Opening Session at Tyndale University on October 19, 2019 from 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. From October 20, 2019 until December 6, 2019, participants engaged with the SF-RDL material and met weekly from home via video conferencing with their SF-RDL director. Individual after-care interviews Page 114 occurred over Skype from December 7-13, 2019. The communal Closing Session at Tyndale University took place on January 11, 2020 from 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Table 1: Phases and Timetables of the SF-RDL [Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 1 details ] Phase Schedule Interaction Implementer 2019-2020 Inform Jul 23 Announcement Email to TASD Members TASD Admin. Plan Jun/Sep/Oct Tyndale Campus Services: book room Researcher Aug 21 Submit Field Research Proposal Researcher Aug 26 TASD: send information letter/consent form Researcher Sept 03 TASD members: send information letter TASD Admin. Sept 11 SF-RDL directors: Zoom Meeting Researcher Sept 13 Interested participants: to forward TASD Admin. Sept 16 SF-RDL notetakers: to train Researcher Sept 16 Notetakers: Non-Disclosure Forms Notetakers Sept 16-20 Participants: to acknowledge Researcher Sept 19 SF-RDL directors: Non-Disclosure Forms SF-RDL Director Execute Oct 3 Tyndale REB approval Participants: send out consent form Tyndale REB Participants: send out consent form Researcher Oct 3-9 Participants: return consent forms Participants Oct 7-10 Participants: Skype in-take interviews; Researcher feedback Letter Oct 14-17 SF-RDL Prep Work Researcher Participants: Open Session Reminder Researcher Action Oct 19 Communal Opening Session: Tyndale G206: 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Researcher/ G206: 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Participants/ Notetakers Oct 20 Week 1 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 2 SF-RDL material Researcher Oct 27 Week 2 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 3 SF-RDL material Researcher Nov 3 Week 3 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 4 SF-RDL material Researcher Nov 10 Week 4 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 5 SF-RDL material Researcher Nov 17 Week 5 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 6 SF-RDL material Researcher Nov 24 Week 6 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Send Week 7 SF-RDL material Researcher Dec 01 Week 7 SF-RDL; SF-RDL director Home/Zoom Page 115 Phase Schedule 2019-2020 Interaction Implementer 2019-2020 Submit questionnaire and log sheets Participant Email Closing Session Reminder Researcher Dec 7-13 Individual After Care/Closing Session Researcher Jan 11, 2020 Communal Closing Session: Tyndale G206: Researcher/ 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Participants/ Notetakers Data Oct-Dec In-take and after-care interview Researcher Notetakers Opening Session notes Notetakers Weekly data cleaning from questionnaires Researcher Participants and SF-RDL directors Participant/ Directpr Weekly coding of Feelings Log Researcher Dec 16 Last day to withdraw data Participants Jan 3, 2020 Submission to Expert Panel Researcher Jan 11 Closing Session notes Notetakers Jan 11-31 Participants review data and correct Participants Jan 18 Deadline date for Expert Panel replies Expert Panel Write Up Feb-Mar 2020 Research project write-up Researcher Following the SF-RDL Procedure (see app. 9), every Saturday the researcher emailed an Equipage Handout and the weekly themed Scripture readings to each participant. Each day, participants were to log their Feelings Before (FB) and Feelings After (FA) engaging the SF-RDL material. Upon receiving the Participant Weekly Questionnaire, they were to rate their overall experience of the material and SF-RDL director using the Likert scale, to which they could supplement their responses in writing. Both the Feelings Log and Participant Weekly Questionnaires were emailed back to the researcher in order for them to receive the following week’s handouts. Both the in-take and after-care interviews were guided, as deemed appropriate for limited-time studies (Bell 2014, 182). A prior framework was established by identifying participant understanding (see app. 10.1). It was also an opportunity to observe “whether people do what they say they do, or behave in Page 116 the way they claim to behave” (211). The in-take interview was a design decision to set the tone for the project, lead by example (Maxwell 2013, 90), and segue into a Group Learning Covenant (see app. 11). The interviews also looked at participants’ before and after understanding of what contemplative and evocative meant (see app. 16). The Opening Session introduced participants to the concept of the CEA toward TSF. In order to help participants shift from conceptual knowledge to experiential knowing, they were led into a contemplative evocative practice using the Feelings Log and the first Equipage Handout, Safe Place (see app. 13.5). The Closing Session provided an opportunity for presenting results from the Feelings Log and combined SF-RDL questionnaires from participants and SF-RDL directors as well as inviting participants to share their experience of the SF-RDL. Two notetakers were present at the communal gatherings. They were to follow a structured approach toward observation in the Opening Session (see app. 10.5). Given considerable skill is required for accurate observation and that one notetaker had a sprained wrist, notetaking was limited to participants’ responses to set questions, which the notetakers received ahead of time (see app. 10.6). Thus, the focus had been decided upon rather than allowing it to emerge (Bell 2014, 214). Due to the unexpected death of my mother-in-law in Malaysia, time set aside to plan a detailed Closing Session was curtailed. Combined with the relaxed tone in the after-care interviews, the notetakers were given a more unstructured approach to the Closing Session. They focused on general observation of participant interaction with each other and the researcher. Page 117 Each day participants were required to fill in the Feelings Log sheet (see app. 10.8), recording their FB and FA engagement with the SF-RDL material. This was submitted each week to the researcher. A cumulative total of 560 feeling words were received. This had two main purposes: (a) to encourage inner awareness, a mainstay in spiritual direction and preparation for supervision (Conroy 1995, 41), and (b) to acknowledge what feeling was being evoked and why (Barry and Connolly 2009, 72). Unlike journals, which are usually personal reflections or private records, “logs are often intended to be read more widely” due to the recording of factual information (Bell 2014, 196). Weekly questionnaires comprised the bulk of data collection. The Participant Weekly Questionnaire covered five main categories spanning fifteen items, of which participants were to circle the number most appropriate to them (see app. 10.3). The Likert scale, “used to discover strength of feeling or attitude towards a given statement or series of statements,” asked participants to “indicate rank order of agreement or disagreement by circling the appropriate number” (Bell 2014, 163), ranging from 1 (strongly agree) to 5 (strongly disagree), with 3 being neutral. The implementation of this rating style was deemed best given the ministry and life responsibilities of participants, but space was provided for those who wished to add written comments. From the response of eight participants over seven weeks and the one participant prior to withdrawing after Week 1, a total of 855 ratings were received. The half-hour weekly meetings with assigned SF-RDL directors helped participants make connections with their contemplative evocative experiences, Page 118 articulate what was occurring in their TSF, discern how they were experiencing their vocational call toward becoming a supervisor, and identify in what ways they were responding to that discernment. The SF-RDL directors recorded their observations in their weekly questionnaire (see app. 10.4). They, too, used the Likert scale covering five main categories, only needing to circle one item per category, although there was space to add comments in support of their ratings. Their 138 ratings combined with detailed written observations provided supplementary information to the Participant Weekly Questionnaire. Darlington and Scott (quoted in Bell 2014, 211) point out that researchers “will have their own focus and will interpret significant events in their own way. As observers, we ‘filter’ the material we obtain from observation, which can lead us to impose our own interpretations on what is observed.” As far as the researcher was able, personal interpretations or triggers were acknowledged by paying attention to what was being evoked within, journalling, and processing in prayer before bringing these to the SF-RDL counsellor for accountability and further exploration. Maxwell (2013, 91) underscores how research relationships have an effect not only on the participants in the study but also on the researcher as a human being. Ongoing reflective analysis of the researcher’s own internal reactions when weekly data was received enabled a more objective analysis of participant data. Therefore, researcher biases and hoped-for outcomes were not suppressed but noted through journalling while notetakers and SF-RDL directors’ observations were used to balance researcher biases. Page 119 Xue and Desmet (2019, 37) recognise that introspection as a research approach is controversial, but Gould (1995, 719) believes it is also powerful because introspection is “an ongoing process of tracking, experiencing, and reflecting on one’s own thoughts, mental images, feelings, sensations, and behaviours.” The researcher was aware of being on a parallel journey with the participants, and so it was important to distinguish between the two for research objectivity. This is a practice that also is incorporated into spiritual direction and supervision. For interpretation purposes, conferring with data collected from different sources was essential. Maxwell (2013, 104) treats analysis as part of the design and something that must itself be designed. Analysis of data commenced as soon as data collection began. Each week data was cleaned by reassigning information under respective categories. An Excel sheet recorded all Likert ratings. Participant written responses were divided into feeling words and reaction to the SF-RDL material, while SF-RDL director data was also divided into interaction with participants and observations. The collated data was used to better look at themes, slippage, and silences as a cohesive whole (Sensing 2011, 197). Data Collection Data collection was confined to what Patton identifies as three overarching data collection methods: in-depth interviews, direct observation, and written documents (Sensing 2011, 79). Data collection methods of these three areas are found in table 2. Page 120 Table 2: Data Collection Methods and Purpose for the SF- RDL [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 2 details ] Overarching Method of Collection Purpose Collection Interviews In-take Interview Ascertaining participant After-Care Interview understanding of a CEA Direct observation Notetakers Observing effect A CEA SF-RDL directors was having on participant Researcher demeanor Feelings Log Written Weekly Questionnaires from Connection between CEA documentation participants and toward spiritual formation SF-RDL directors and discernment Researcher journals Observe internal reactions Data collection from multiple sources provided “a complex view of the intervention enabling a ‘thicker’ interpretation,” that is, triangulation (Sensing 2011, 72), allowing for different methods to check against each other in support of a single conclusion (Maxwell 2013, 102). Data, collected from four sources— participants, SF-RDL directors, notetakers, and researcher. The TSF of participants was measured indirectly through (a) comparing participant understanding and experience of a CEA toward TSF through the in- take and after-care interviews with observations from the SF-RDL directors, notetakers, and researcher; (b) written insights of participants; and (c) participant discernment consistent with cumulative data. This “mixed-methods research” involved the joint use of quantitative and quantitative data (Maxwell 2013, 102) as seen in table 3. Quantitative data was taken from participant and SF-RDL director responses to the Likert scale presented through bar charts. FB and FA words were presented in word cloud form (see app. 15) and the word count in a bar chart (fig. 3, see p.129). Page 121 Qualitative data was derived from participant and SF-RDL director written responses to the weekly questionnaires, using the latter to confirm the experiences of the former. Many of the participants were generous in the sharing of their experience, providing invaluable insight into their discernment process. Likewise, the SF-RDL directors submitted helpful documentation. Data from notetakers and researcher observations provided another perspective from which to confirm consistency of data from the participants and SF-RDL directors. Table 3: Data Collection Sources for the SF-RDL [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 3 details. ] Source Data Format Data Type Analysis Gathering Instruments Participants Interviews Verbal Qualitative Contiguity Feelings Log FB/FA words Quantitative Word Cloud Quantitative Bar Chart Participant [a] Likert Quantitative Bar Chart Questionnaire scale [b] Written Qualitative Thematic responses coding SF-RDL Director [a] Likert Quantitative Bar Chart Directors Questionnaire scale [b] Written Qualitative Thematic responses coding Notetakers Notetakers Opening and Quantitative Coding Observations Closing Session: coded notes Researcher Researcher [a] Journal Qualitative Contiguity Observations [b] Process Qualitative Continguity The written responses from participant questionnaires enabled the clustering of key issues that enabled identification of emerging details and assigned meanings (Bell 2014, 239). These fell into six broad coding categories, as seen in table 4, along with their explanation and examples. Page 122 Table 4: Coding Categories for the SF-RDL [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 4 details. ] Category Title Descriptor Examples Evidence Evidence of CEA Absorption in material; growing self-awareness SF-RDL Material Which part of material Safe place; reflective meaningful to CEA thought; grace sought Engagement Conduit through which Images, metaphors, experiencing CEA visuals Deepening Ways CEA being Insight, connections deepened made, intuitive Response Responding to CEA Resistance; longing; commentary made Development Impact of CEA Theology, character and ministry Slippages in the form of incongruency and contradictions (Sensing 2011, 200) were verified by follow-up emails with participants, specifically in relation to FA words. With the aid of the Feelings Log, participants were able to pinpoint the FA word in question, which allowed for ease of recall. This invaluable exercise made for accurate reporting as reaffirmed by participants at the Closing Session. Silences, what was not said or what was omitted, were verified, and confirmed by examining feedback from SF-RDL directors and notetakers. Of the six categories in table 4, the most pertinent one was Development, since the fruit of the SF-RDL was TSF that enriched participant theology, character, and ministry. The remaining five categories contributed toward this end. Upon closer inspection, the researcher discovered that weekly data overlapped with the TSFM, and therefore the Model became a guideline for explaining the data under Interpretations (see p. 136). Participant intentionality in engaging a CEA approach toward TSF was evident from their own written experiences. Page 123 Ethics in Ministry-Based Research Sensing (2011, 31) points out that “DMin students are ambassadors of God and servants of the gospel of Christ,” so the researcher had ethical obligations, much like that of a supervisor. Completing the Ethical Conduct for Research Involving Humans Course on Research Ethics (TCPS2: CORE) and receiving approval from the Tyndale Research Ethics Board (REB) were mandatory. Addressing ethical concerns was involved in every aspect of this design (Maxwell 2013, 7). Four ethical principles were integrated: non- malfeasance, autonomy, beneficence, and justice (Sensing 2011, 33). Non-malfeasance addressed power differentials between participants and researcher through the Information Letter (see app. 6) and the Research Study Consent Form (see app. 7). One of the applicants who desired to be part of the SF- RDL was a current supervisee of the researcher. On the basis of ministerial development, she was admitted to the project. Due to power differentials, an ethical decision not to collect data from her was made. However, this decision was revised by the Tyndale REB in honour of her insistence to be a fully contributing participant. The autonomy or self-determination of the participants through the Announcement Letter (see app. 5) encouraged TASD members to “prayerfully consider this [project] opportunity.” The Announcement Letter detailed voluntary participation and was repeated in the Research Study Consent Form. Participants were reminded of their right to withdraw from the project at any time, with no negative repercussions. After the SF-RDL was completed, participants had the Page 124 option to withdraw their data by December 16, 2019; otherwise, it would be included in the research project. Beneficence, “a commitment to minimizing the risk associated with research” (Sensing 2011, 33), centered around areas of emotional sensitivity or the trigger of painful memories. Provision was made for a counsellor at a reduced cost to be paid by the participant. One SF-RDL director, in consultation with her own supervisor, referred her participant undergoing challenging life circumstances to the counsellor. The researcher followed up with the participant to ensure her needs were being met and, reassured that she was in a healthy frame of mind, was satisfied the participant would be able to continue with the SF-RDL. The ethical principle of justice, that those “who take on the burdens of research participation should share in the benefits of the knowledge gained,” (Sensing 2011, 33) was met in three ways: (a) participants were the recipients of spiritual direction; (2) participants, investing in their spiritual formation, enriched their prayer life; and (3) the participants’ practice of spiritual direction benefited from nurturing a CEA toward their TSF. Knowing the value of spiritual direction, participants were agreeable to paying a discounted $70 for seven weeks of half hour spiritual direction from their SF-RDL director. The Tyndale REB voiced concern over exchange of money, but they relented when the researcher broke down payment to a mere $10 per week. The participants themselves recognized the gift they were being offered (two voiced concern that renumeration was too little). It was hoped participants would continue with their assigned SF-RDL Page 125 director post-research, thereby financially benefitting the SF-RDL directors in the long run. Sapsford and Abbott say that “confidentiality is a promise that you will not be identified or presented in identifiable form, while anonymity is a promise that even the researcher will not be able to tell which responses came from which respondents” (quoted in Bell 2014, 51). This research project promised participants would not be presented in any identifiable form. For these reasons, the two male participants agreed to be referred to as female. The challenges of anonymity were made in the Announcement Letter, Information Letter, and Research Study Consent Form. Given the exclusivity of the TASD community, anonymity would be upheld but not guaranteed. Anonymity did not extend to the SF-RDL directors and researcher as teamwork was vital in attending to participants’ spiritual formation and ministerial wellbeing, regardless of outcome. Findings, Interpretations, Limitations, and Outcomes Findings provide “a narrative account of the processes and outcomes of the research—in effect, the story of participant experiences and perspectives” (Stringer 2014, 216). Design research honours this. A major part of DR is its interest in “the meanings, beliefs, and so on of the participants” and how they “make sense of these, and how their understanding influences their behaviour” (Maxwell 2013, 30), which, in the case of this project, would ultimately be expressed by participant discernment. Qualitative research tends to ask, “how x plays a role in causing y, what the process is that connects x and y” (31). For the Page 126 purposes of this project, x is identified as TSF, y is discernment, and the process connecting x and y is the CEA. Findings The findings are arranged as follows: 1. Participant In-Take Interviews, 2. Feelings Log, 3. Participant and SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire, 4. Observations of Notetakers and Researchers, 5. Discernment, and 6. After-care Interviews. Participant In-Take Interviews A detailed Participant In-Take Interview (see app. 10.1) was conducted to ensure participants had adequate experience to meaningfully engage in the project, understand how they defined “contemplative” and “evocative,” and make clear that the research project focus was their spiritual formation from which discernment of vocational calling to supervision would arise—not training in supervision. All participants were able to describe what they understood as “contemplative,” but only three could explain “evocative” (see app. 16). Feelings Log The Feelings Log not only measured interior movements, namely, FB and FA when engaging the SF-RDL material, but also encouraged participants to be Page 127 intentional in the naming of those feelings. This enabled participants to get a sense of their inner disposition. At the end of 35 days, eight participants had logged and sent in 280 (FB) and 280 (FA) words, which were fed into a word cloud generator (Wordclouds.com). The more frequent the word, the larger in size it presents (see app. 15). Feelings Before words typically acknowledged the participants’ feelings upon engaging with the SF-RDL material and became a baseline for observing FA, which typically reflected their response to the SF-RDL material. An online program was used to determine frequency of word usage (https://tagcrowd.com/). The fact that 92 feeling words were used only once (fig. 3) showed participants (a) the importance of identifying what was being evoked within them and (b) the ability to name the feeling being evoked. This demonstrated the wide and often nuanced range of words attributed to feelings as experienced by the participants. The FA words also showed how feelings are affected by their interaction with Jesus, an awareness important not only for themselves but also for when accompanying their directees. At the opposite end of the scale, the four words used nine times each were confident, encouraged, joyful, and longing, while the words anxious and thankful appeared ten times. The most frequent words used overall were calm (16 times), tired (19 times), hopeful (22 times), peace (24 times), and relaxed (23 times). Tired was a prominent theme that was verbally picked up by the SF-RDL directors and researcher. “Negative” FA words were not necessarily negative but viewed as slippages. Participant follow-up by email Page 128 explained “disappointment” as not being more like Jesus or “sorrow” reflecting Jesus’ sorrow. However, the FA word “struggling” for one participant in Week 6 did relate to the Equipage Handout. Of interest is how the FB word “discouraged” appeared seven times while “encouraged” appeared eight times as a FA word. Figure 3: Frequency of Combined FB and FA Words Used [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 3 details ] Participant and SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire Figure 4 shows the average ratings given by eight participants on the Participant Weekly Questionnaire relative to how the four main categories— developing a CEA, usefulness of SF-RDL Material, helpfulness of the SF-RDL director, and deepening self-awareness (see app. 10.3)—were affecting their discernment. The lower the bar (Likert rating 1 as “strongly agree”), the stronger the agreement. Page 129 Figure 4: Averaged Participant Ratings to Questionnaire Categories [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 4 details ] Participants agreed the SF-RDL material was helpful in developing a CEA toward TSF. This was also reflected in the usefulness of the SF-RDL material. However, from week 5 onwards, this rating noticeably changed as the Equipage Handout began incorporating supervision-related terminology and skills. The helpfulness of the SF-RDL directors grew with each passing week as they developed a working alliance with participants (Barry and Connolly 2009, 147). The SF-RDL served to deepen self-awareness, with participants rating this awareness just below the rating scale of 2 (“agree”) for the whole duration. As to be expected, during the early weeks of the SF-RDL participants did not experience immediate discernment, although F6 received confirmation by Week 3, with the remainder in the weeks to come. Page 130 The participants are coded A1, B2, C3, D4, E5, F6, G7, and H8 (I9 withdrew). The SF-RDL directors’ response to “the directee is developing a CEA toward spiritual formation” is seen in figure 5. This bar chart shows the consistency of A1 and B2 as “strongly” receptive. D4, F6 and G7 were “agreeably” receptive, while life circumstances impacted C3, E5 and H8’s responses, strengthening their need for and increasing their dependency upon the Trinity. Figure 5: Director Observation of Receptivity to CEA [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 5 details. ] Comparing participant rating as to their own awareness of interior movements (fig. 6) with their SF-RDL directors’ observations (fig. 7) show both contrast and correlation. Other than B2, all participant ratings for one week or another differed from their director’s rating. Many times, the SF-RDL directors recognized a CEA in the participants before they did, for example, A1 (Weeks 1 Page 131 and 2), D4 (Week 2 and 3), E5 (Week 5), F6 (Weeks 2, 4 and 6) and G7 (Weeks 1, 3, 5 and 7). Figure 6: Participant Attentiveness to Interior Movement [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 6 details ] When directly comparing participants’ recording of attention to interior movement (fig. 6) to SF-RDL director’s observation of the same (fig. 7), four had contrasting ratings. A1 faced a long-time fear in Week 5, which she registered as “strongly agree” (fig. 6) compared to the SF-RDL director’s “agree” (fig. 7). In Week 4, C3’s SF-RDL director recorded “neutral” (fig. 7) even as the participant recorded “strongly agree” (fig. 6) due to C3’s resistance in attending to an evoked feeling. Resistance is often not readily recognized by the directee but gentle guidance of the director can help a directee face resistance. G7, not yet aware of the extent to which she was engaging in a CEA, recorded “neutral” in Week 3 (fig. 6) compared to her director’s recorded “strongly agree” (fig. 7). There was dissonance between H8 and the SF-RDL director in Week 1; H8’s Page 132 director noted “neutral” for all but week 3 (fig. 7) when H8 had a powerful prayer experience but H8 herself only noted “neutral” once in Week 2 (fig. 6). Figure 7: Director Attentiveness to Participant Interior Movement [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 7 details. ] Observations of Notetakers and Researchers At the Opening Session, the notetakers observed participants’ responses to the questions the researcher posed (see app. 10.6). For the most part, all showed visible interest (e.g., nodding heads, taking notes). A1, C3, and F6 in particular were open in their sharing and willingly engaged with the material being presented. The thoughtful wisdom of B2 and D4 was appreciated. However, whenever B2, E5, G7, H8, and I9 felt vulnerable, the notetakers recorded closed body language (e.g., break in eye contact, head down). The researcher was cognizant of this and was especially encouraging toward them. The notetakers identified those who were predisposed toward a CEA: A1, B2, C5, D4, and F6, which was also the researcher’s experience. The notetakers observed that C3, E5, Page 133 F6, and I9 appeared overwhelmed on occasion. G7 and H8 tended to be more analytical, but while G7 could engage her imagination for the Safe Place exercise, H8 struggled. At the Closing Session, both notetakers and researcher could see the participants’ interest in the data presentation from their engaged faces and interactions. Of particular note was the palpable appreciation participants had for the SF-RDL directors in helping them recognize their experiences of the CEA. The researcher gave each participant a personalized pilgrimage package tracing their TSF through highlighting data collected from the in-take interview, pre SF- RDL engagement, opening session, written responses, FB and FA words tabulated and in word cloud form, a personalized message from their SF-RDL director and after-care interview. The Closing Session concluded with a trinitarian blessing. Discernment Data showcasing verbal Participant Discernment is found in appendix 17, presenting only the most pivotal week. Using participant written responses under Discernment (fig. 4, see p.130), these were coded into seven stages as seen in table 5: Table 5: Stages of Participant Discernment [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 5 details. ] Decision Discernment No A decision to not pursue supervision Wait To remain attentive to God Focus To stay focused on spiritual formation Maybe To consider the possibility of supervision Invitation Supervision under consideration Confirmation Needed The need for more reassurance Yes A decision to pursue supervision Page 134 Meanwhile, figure 8 presents participant discernment over the seven weeks in bar chart form. Figure 8: Participant Discernment After Seven Weeks [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 8 details ] A1, D4, E5, and F6 have discerned a vocational calling to supervision. C3 and G7 are open to how supervision might look in their particular ministry setting, while B2 and H8 do not discern a vocational call to supervision. Participant After-Care Interviews Due to the initial Closing Session competing with Advent, all participants agreed to reschedule to January 11, 2020. However, one suggested that the after- care interviews double as individual closing sessions, thus giving participants closure with the SF-RDL before celebrating Christmas. The after-care interview covered their experience of the SF-RDL, whether their hoped-for outcome had Page 135 been met, and discussion whether or not the SF-RDL would be helpful for other directors discerning a vocational call to supervision. The individual closing session explored their spiritual journey over the seven-weeks, their engagement with Jesus, and how this had influenced their ministry of spiritual direction (see app. 10.2). Of particular interest was participant understanding of contemplative and evocative. Contiguity-based relations was applied to “contemplative and evocative” by juxtaposing intellectual definitions at the in-take interviews with experiential understanding at the after-care interviews (Maxwell 2013, 106). From the after-care interviews, participant experience of “contemplative” reshaped or deepened their definitions from the in-take interviews. A1, D4, and F6 were even able to apply their definition of contemplative to their ministry. All participants could now articulate “evocative” (see app. 16) having experienced this themselves. A1, D4, and F6’s definition of “evocative” enriched their “after” definition as a direct result of their own experiences. The rest of the participants were now able to give descriptive explanations of “evocative.” Interpretations Researcher interpretation of the following data has been brought to another level of awareness since completing the last two DMin summer courses post-project, bringing greater clarity as to how the SF-RDL material engaged all parts of the TSFM. Participants began at the centre of the TSFM through two avenues. First, the pre-SF-RDL material which engaged Ziegler’s article and Page 136 preparatory reflections (see app. 12) invited a contemplative evocative stance. Second, the Opening Session introduced the Safe Place that participants would return to as often as possible throughout the seven weeks in the hope this would in time become their default position in life and ministry. Except for H8, all participants readily engaged and through their Safe Place found themselves at the centre of the TSFM. The notetaker for H8 observed how, despite wanting to engage, she may not yet be aware of her own depths. At the Opening Session, the researcher made it clear that following the lead of the Spirit took precedence over the design of the SF-RDL material. This freed participants in two ways. First, those who struggled to engage with Equipage Handouts from Week 5 onwards reverted to gospel contemplation and therefore continued being with Jesus. Second, movement towards the circles was Spirit dependent. What follows is a systematic weekly interpretation of participants who benefitted from the intended focus; however, those participants engaging different circles (sometimes returning to previous circles in different weeks) were equally viable for reasons stated in the Opening Session. Week 1-4 Interpretations In Week 1, participants familiarised themselves with the Safe Place. For A1 this “provided creative, contemplative space to see myself with God and how we interact.” For C3, her week was focused on “Jesus at the centre instead of me.” This centre for F6 “facilitated powerful meetings with Jesus.” For G7, the Safe Place helped to “cultivate an image in [journeying] with God in a more intimate Page 137 way” B2, in Week 3, found herself returning to the Safe Place where Jesus assisted her with the week’s theme and again in Week 4 where she found herself going “to really deeply listen for that [vocational] call.” A1 in Week 5 found the Safe Place “opened up such beautiful conversations with Him that are touching me so deeply” and referred to this again in Week 7. Thus A1 and B2 returned to the Safe Place as the Spirit led them from circle to circle. In Week 2, where the theme was “Emptied,” participants still found themselves at the centre of the TSFM. The SF-RDL director reported F6 wondering “how she can be empty when she is the sum of what God has gifted her.” This was a valid point. Miller (pers. comm, November 3, 2020) references Jesus in Luke 9:3 who sent His followers out with nothing so that they could learn to be competent at being incompetent in order to perceive the guidance of the Spirit. This is the emptying that was being referred to, and greater clarity relative to this would have benefitted F6. Even so, Week 2’s Equipage Handout (see app. 13.6) met the intended purpose for E5: It has been a wonderful week using the cup, from dressing as a beggar and holding a clean cup to having a cup of tea with Jesus the next day. On the third day I [felt anger], so I shattered the cup by throwing it on the ground. Hence, I have a broken, leaking cup to present to Jesus. On the last day, Jesus put his bleeding heart into my cup. D4 reported, “This surrendered, released grip on the mug will help me not act on my own but with responsiveness to God’s loving invitation to rest from these burdens, learn from Him, and live in the fulness from God . . . then I can supervise others effectively.” This is an example of D2 preparing to move from the centre out toward neighbour. Page 138 In Week 3, the theme was Called. The loving response to trinitarian love at the centre of the model is loving God through responding to His call. This moved participants into the Love God circle. B2 experienced agitation as she wrestled with discernment to supervision. However, the final scripture passage where “Saul was blinded for 3 days before really ‘seeing’ his calling through Ananias” helped explain this “time of blindness as I (not in a distressing way) am not seeing clearly anything for the time being!” This “blind trust” was B2’s response to loving God. Interestingly, H8 connected with the empty cup in Week 3 rather than Week 2 with the realization, “My Cup is empty right now, and I am just waiting to find out what God is going to start adding to it.” In being invited to the hidden depths as observed by her notetaker, H8 remained held in the centre. In Week 4, participant “with-ness” to Jesus invited movement between the Love God circle and the Love Self circle. Being with Jesus gave participants courage to be themselves. Even though E5 was emotionally overwhelmed by a life situation, her SF-RDL director “allowed [her] to stay in [her] safe place to spend time with Jesus” so that in “the midst of pain and suffering, Jesus [carried her] to a place of rest.” E5 remained a recipient of trinitarian love. In being with Jesus, B2 had a revelation of how in spiritual direction she sometimes looks to “fix” when “God’s plan may just be for me to convey his blessing.” This transition from Ziegler’s subjective moral formation to trinitarian objective participation is an important paradigm shift. Two experienced movement to the Love Neighbour circle: D4 found the way Jesus ministered to the hemorrhaging woman in Scripture inspired her to “affirm and bless . . . those I am both directing Page 139 and supervising” while F6, through His invitation to “love the stranger,” found “a new way to express the love of God in a split-second, one-time encounter—a smile, a quick comment, a giving of way” and “[sensed] the Lord’s pleasure in these moments.” This illustrates the surprises of TSF that are explained by careful discernment of and reflection on the Spirit’s leading. Week 5-7 Interpretations With Week 5’s theme of “contemplative,” participants were now engaging in the Love Self circle. A1’s love of self was affirmed upon hearing “Jesus say ‘we’ for the first time!” E5 noticed God shaking her core in order for her to distinguish between her false and core self. What prevented this shaking from being terrifying was E5 experiencing rest in the Trinity. F6 found contemplation of the Psalms as “wonderful and powerful in disclosing more about myself and about God.” As for H8, acceptance of God’s grace “helped my anger to not seep into other unrelated areas of my daily life.” This was a breakthrough. Many who were unable to experience the Spirit speaking to them through the Johari Window (see app. 13.9) were able to hear Him through Scripture and thus move into the Love Self circle. In Week 6, participants engaged both the Love Self and Love Neighbour circle. A1 shared how “continuing to learn how to hold myself in greater love and understanding” would enable her to participate through ministry to impact people’s lives. B2 found that being drawn to the words in Matthew 9:29 (The Message) to “Become what you believe” crystallized for her “that now is not the Page 140 right time for becoming a supervisor.” She paid attention to what was being evoked within her. In loving self, she will Love Neighbour through Enneagram teaching rather than supervision and thus moved toward the Love Self and Love Neighbour circle. F6 engaged God in conversation during a dry Sunday service and was encouraged “to take steps to rectify the situation” through doing things internally (loving self) and “lending a hand to the organizers of the services” (loving neighbour). It was hoped by Week 7 that all participants would find themselves in the Love Neighbour circle as expressed by what they had discerned. Having been enriched from time with Jesus through the SF-RDL, A1 knows and holds herself more lovingly and is thus desirous for others to experience Christ this way through supervision. C3, in having “a greater sense that I am IN Christ and that He is IN me,” finds that she “can live and minister out of this place.” Although she “could proceed toward training as a [supervisor],” she is keenly aware of having been awakened as a directee and as a director. For H8, the seven-weeks were “a good journey in discernment” that led her to “eliminate existing activities and obligations” and, as she continues to wait on God for direction, this in and of itself is an expression of love for neighbour. The CEA enabled participants to engage with all the circles of the TSFM in whatever way the Spirit led. While they may not have been aware of the ways they were loving God, self, and neighbour, they were growing in their experience of the CEA and how they understood and practiced spiritual direction. At the after-care interview, A1 articulated a desire to offer direction “rooted in Page 141 Trinitarian Christology and scripture.” B2 felt “[Week 5’s] reflections have helped me become more comfortable with settling into being with directees, meeting them exactly where they are at, and surrendering the sessions in response with Christ!” D4 saw “perichoresis in [spiritual direction more] than ever before.” G7 recognized direction is not about teaching skills or a moralistic approach but rather, “more [about] accepting and inviting the directee to be aware of where they are and where the Spirit is moving in them.” These valuable comments evidence a much-needed ministerial shift in the giving of spiritual direction, which in turn will impact the way those called to supervision will supervise. Limitations Regardless of better articulation of the TSFM post project, the TSF of participants remains the focus. However, a clearer explanation of the TSFM at the outset would have enabled participants to track their own movements to see (a) how and where the Spirit was leading them through the TSFM and (b) the ways they were loving God, self, and neighbour through discerning a vocational call to supervision. Having them experience their own prayerful tracking, they could then prayerfully track their own directees as they listen to how they are responding to God’s invitation to honour the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. Three places that were not explicitly emphasized by the SF-RDL material were identity, holiness, and worship. TSF is the place from which identity, discernment and ministry flow. Identity as God’s beloved undergirding ministry Page 142 may have been better articulated. Holiness and worship were integrated after the summer courses, thus attention was not drawn to these during the Opening Session. Yet, D4 considered worship in Week 7: “The Spirit drew me into the narrative in an evocative path . . . that brought me to greater understanding, appreciation, and worship.” Holiness and worship are the consequences of an enriched TSF. While not specifically highlighted, this may have been helpful for SF-RDL directors to observe. It might be argued that participants in their own way had experienced worship, a natural response to the revelation of the Trinity. The researcher also acknowledges two places participants struggled with the SF-RDL material: (a) the Equipage Handout introducing vocabulary and tools related to supervision and (b) occasions where Scripture verses, Reflective Question, or Reflective Thought did not align well. Participant feedback that brought clarity to the SF-RDL material was duly integrated. In particular, the Johari Window (see app. 13.9) had to be refined given that the majority of participants struggled with this. Either more detailed instructions for Equipage Handout 13.9, 13.10 and 13.11 at the Opening Session or pre-recorded tutorials may help. The SF-RDL material itself will now be considered. Outcomes Seasoned ministerial leaders in the field of spiritual direction and supervision were invited to comment on the design and viability of the SF-RDL material. They were asked to consider waste, flow, and improvement (see app. 10.7). Mindful of the busy schedules of the Expert Panel, the researcher also Page 143 offered the option to comment on the SF-RDL in general through email correspondence. This was the option all but one expert chose to take. Contributions from the Expert Panel (see app. 18) regarding the SF-RDL material raised good questions and provided helpful suggestions. Williams (a Jesuit priest) brought his expertise on Ignatian spirituality to bear on the material, enrichening the connection between the seven themes. Miller (Mennonite) encouraged spiritual narrative theology in service of the supervision of directors. Ruffing (Sister of Mercy) stressed the importance of psychological competencies of a supervisor. Siler (Pentecostal) encouraged a user-friendly framework for use in supervision and direction, which is also the researcher’s desire. Conferring with Williams, Miller, Ruffing, and Siler, the researcher found that their overall response suggests the SF-RDL has a measure of value to offer discerning participants as seen in table 6. Table 6: Expert Panel Response to SF-RDL [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Table 6 details. ] Expert Date Response Williams Jan 4, The overall project seems well put together, both in scope and 2020 in its particulars, and I have no doubt it is presented within the perspective of your tradition. Miller Jan 17, I appreciate and commend how you have integrated the theme 2020 of each week with scripture, spiritual practices, with the intent of helping the participant learn/become aware of and live into their discernment as a possible emerging supervisor of spiritual directors. Ruffing Jan 18, Elegant design, the way parts hold together are consistent and 2020 beautiful. Very thoughtful. Siler Jan 22, In short, it is excellent! I love where you are headed with this. I 2020 think you are on to something really great here. Page 144 With regards to participants, there were four outcomes the researcher had not anticipated and one for which she had hoped. First, H8’s personality type did not seem to lend well to a CEA; the researcher wondered if the material could have been better adapted to suit H8’s personality type. Miller (pers. comm., November 26, 2020) affirmed that a CEA and presence is mandatory for those wishing to become supervisors. Therefore, H8 has discerned wisely by refraining from a vocational call to supervision. Regardless, attention to feelings is a first step toward a CEA since “feelings are full of spiritual meaning” (Manney 2011, 2). H8 recorded experiencing a lasting impression pertaining to feelings and perhaps a new avenue with which God is choosing to converse with her. Second, these participants had intentionally carved out time from their already full schedules to engage in a CEA toward TSF—the irony of which was not lost on the SF-RDL directors or researcher. It came as no surprise that “tired” was a frequent FB word (and often a FA word). One notable effect the SR-RDL has had is convicting participants to relook at their workload: B2 will focus on Enneagram training and not supervision, D4 will incorporate Sabbath rest, E5 had a “staycation” in Week 5, F6 is not accepting any appointments for the first six months of 2020 as she waits on God, and H8 continues to wait on God. It appears a CEA toward TSF is beginning to spill over into participant life choices. In addition, this also highlights how their bodies are benefitting from resting in the Trinity. Refreshed in trinitarian love, participants can experience greater freedom and capacity to minister in love, given their source is from the limitless supply of the Father, through the Son and in the Spirit, rather than from their limited selves. Page 145 Third, to be affirmed in one’s discernment is not a private affair; community affirmation is important. The participants who have discerned readiness to transition to a supervisor do so with humility and a healthy measure of trepidation. In their obedience to take a step of faith in hope, they may not yet see what their SF-RDL director and researcher are able to see. Personal affirmation of the researcher from her supervisor was reassuring, as the researcher often trusted what her supervisor saw before the researcher could. The Closing Session ended earlier than planned due to an impending snowstorm, otherwise, it would have been communally meaningful to prayerfully commission participants in the discernment choices made. Fourth, one participant has been accepted for further training in the Tyndale Supervision Internship. Follow-up to see if the SF-RDL was helpful in preparing the participant for the Internship was premature (due to Covid, the Supervision Internship over Zoom is presenting its own challenges) and will be revisited at the end of the two-year Internship. However, the participant had this to share: “being able to go through the project with you helped me to acknowledge, dive deep and embrace my feelings. As a result, it help[ed] me to see [how internship directors experience] the alienation of ‘self’ [from] their own feelings and emotions” (email comm., October 25, 2020). This participant’s CEA toward her own TSF has heightened her awareness of those she is learning to supervise. The one hoped-for outcome of the research project was for participants to continue with their SF-RDL director. Having been recipients of a CEA in spiritual Page 146 direction, many of these participants indicated a desire to remain with their SF- RDL director or to look for a contemplative evocative director closer to home. It is interesting to note that before now, participants had not been aware of the added richness a CEA could bring to their own experience of spiritual direction. Conclusions and Implications The Tyndale Spiritual Direction Internship continues to strengthen year by year, exposing interested students to the art and science of this ministry (Conroy 1995, xx). Not all graduates are suited to becoming directors, and not all directors are suited to becoming supervisors. Since there is a growing interest in graduate directors self-identifying as interested in giving supervision, the opportunity for Tyndale University to invest in discerning supervisors now, and for the TASD resourcing such supervisors within the Tyndale community and the Christian community at large, is pressing. Since supervision entails discernment, discerning a vocational call to supervision is an indispensable starting point. Nine participants voluntarily committed to a rigorous discipline, with eight completing all the requirements. Four participants will transition to supervisors, two sense an invitation to explore supervision within their ministry settings, while two do not discern a vocational calling to supervision. For participants who discern they are not ready or suited to transition into supervisors, their incompatibility does not undermine their value within the body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:12, 18 states, “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body . . . God has put each part just where He wants it.” Page 147 Although the SF-RDL was created to help directors discern whether or not they had a call to supervision, an additional value may also be seen in helping directors discern where in the body of Christ they are to best serve God. B2, despite having the potential to be a supervisor, will serve God through Enneagram training, while C3 has a greater appreciation of her calling as a spiritual director. The evaluation metrics in DR were met: TSF grounded in trinitarian doctrine through a seven-week SF-RDL can be helpful preparation for those specifically applying to the Tyndale Supervision Internship. Even better, working closely with Internship supervisors may bring more cohesiveness. Thus, the three- fold foci were addressed: (a) investment in the spiritual formation of participants, (b) participants discerning a vocational call to supervision, and (c) the overall effectiveness of the SF-RDL in nurturing a CEA approach toward TSF. Feedback from participants at the after-care interview showed unanimous recommendation of the SF-RDL in helping directors discern whether or not they had a vocational call to supervision. Therefore, there is the potential for a reworked SF-RDL becoming a pre- requisite for directors prayerfully considering the ministry of supervision within a discerning community. The SF-RDL could be combined with other discernment processes. An extended timeline, as recommended by D4 and H8, could incorporate the qualities and competencies of a supervisor into the material. Furthermore, Miller (pers. comm., November 3, 2020) believes directors shadowing experienced supervisors will allow discerners a better practical appreciation. Page 148 With Tyndale graduates aligning themselves with other spiritual formation centres or organizations, this SF-RDL is both transferable and adaptable to other institutions. Just as Veltri was willing for the RDL to be adapted to suit the purposes for which it was sought, the researcher brings the same willingness relative to the SF-RDL (some participants have already begun adapting this material for their own communities). With tailored modifications, the SF-RDL can also be applicable to other ministries. Leaders and believers discerning in which part of the Church Jesus would have them serve may benefit from a modified but trinitarian grounded RDL. A transformed heart is a missional heart, where the love received from the Father, Son, and Spirit finds outward expression in a love that gives. Page 149 CHAPTER V: CONCLUSION ~ STRANDS OF THREE A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV As I look back on my Portfolio, three is a significant number for me. My life began in England where I was introduced to God as Creator. When I emigrated to Malaysia, I encountered the grace of Jesus. Starting over again in Canada, I was invited into ministry through the Spirit. I have three sisters with unique personalities, three children who bring out different aspects of my personality, and a faith journey that encompasses three strands: Catholic, Assemblies of God, and Christian Missionary and Alliance. Throughout all this, the Trinity has been drawing me into their circle of love, first by being introduced to the creativity of God, then through the abundant grace of Jesus and finally into ministry as led by the Spirit of Truth. When I set out to undertake the Doctor of Ministry, my desire was to experience God’s transformational love. As I come to the completion of this doctorate, I have been enriched beyond measure and have no doubt of its lifetime ripple effects. This Portfolio revolves around my Spiritual Autobiography that recalls the different ways God has been revealing Himself to me, most notably through the desire to know the answer to the question, How will I know God’s voice? Little did I realize I have been hearing His voice throughout my life. Even as I have instinctively followed the voice of God through my loving sisters, immigration Page 150 challenges, and mothering my children, the Shepherd has been tending to my soul and body. Despite the duplicity of thieves and robbers—I confess the names others have called me oftentimes have drowned out God’s voice, drawing my attention away from Him—the intimate relationship of the shepherd to his sheep in John 10:3-5 reveals how sheep, in response to the Shepherd calling them by name, follow Him in trust. That is what I have always yearned to do. As Reimer (2016, 38) writes, “Sanctification . . . is simply becoming who you already are.” That is who I have always yearned to be. My model of spiritual formation, the Trinitarian Spiritual Formation Model (TSFM), embraces three distinct yet complementary components. First, it is informed by Trinitarian Spiritual Formation (TSF), where the Father through the Son in the Spirit transforms the soul and body through honouring the Great Commandment in service to the Great Commission. Second, adopting a contemplative presence attends to the self-revealing God and reminds participants who and Whose they are, and adopting an evocative approach allows them to remember and integrate divine insights in response to His voice and wisdom. Third, a nurtured and enriched TSF allows for discernment of life and ministry. Thus, my Research Project focusing on the TSF of directors discerning a vocational call to supervision anticipated that such discernment would arise from being with Jesus and that from here they would learn what His plans for them are. The important evaluation metrics of Design Research in the project were met as multiple sources of data collection checked against each other to support the single conclusion that a contemplative evocative approach to TSF enriches Page 151 discernment to a specified ministry as led by the Spirit. At the project’s conclusion, all participants said they benefitted from engaging in a contemplative evocative approach toward their TSF; seven out of eight had found this helpful toward their understanding and practice of spiritual direction; and all participants found this helpful for discernment. Ultimately, four participants discerned a calling to supervision, two participants required further consideration toward what supervision might look like for them within their ministerial context, and two participants did not discern a calling to supervision. The success of the project was not that every participant discerned a vocational call to supervision but rather were better able to discern the voice of God regarding supervision. The Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation is a three-year program, comprised of twelve courses. When taken in sequential order, these courses in the doctorate culminate in the Field Research Project. As referred to in Chapter IV under Interpretations, this sequence was not possible for me, and although the Desiring God and Engaging Scripture courses were an incredible way to conclude my doctoral experience, it meant my understanding of and engagement with the research project were not as fully developed as they could have been at the time of conducting the project. While the spiritual formation of directors remained the focal point, a clearer articulation of my TSFM may better have illustrated how the contemplative evocative approach toward their TSF was impacting the way they were loving God, self, and neighbour through discerning a vocational call to supervision. Thankfully, this academic research project is but one voice in the continuous dialogue among those passionate about Christian spiritual formation. Page 152 Drawn to the course titles in the doctoral syllabus was God’s way of calling me to lay aside three and a half years to luxuriate in His presence that I might listen deeply to His voice. The yearning He planted in me to experience His transformational love has been experienced through Scripture, Sabbath rests, silent retreats, learned authors, spiritual direction, mentoring, the life of professors and cohort, etc. One of the most profound assignments was in the writing of my spiritual autobiography, for prayerful reflection enabled me to recognize God at work in my life from the womb until now. In fact, the spiritual breakthroughs I have experienced through the final course, Desiring God, have been on account of being able to intuit when God’s is speaking to me. According to one perceptive friend, the TSFM is the embodiment of who I am and so, not surprisingly, my Portfolio reflects my TSFM. Through the spiritual autobiography, I became aware of the different members of the Trinity. Through the Model, I was reminded of who I am, Whose I am, and through Whom I have experienced spiritual breakthroughs. Through the Research Project, my calling into the ministries of spiritual direction and supervision allowed me to engage with directors who are also passionate for these ministries. An adapted TSFM in figure 9 provides a visual summary of this Portfolio: the spiritual autobiography in the Love God circle depicts God’s voice calling my name; TSF in the Love Self circle reminds me to be who I already am in Jesus, and the research project in the Love Neighbour circle encourages growing ministerial discernment in the Spirit. The centrality of the Trinity remains evident in the transferability of this Model to the lived experience of this doctorate. Page 153 The Great Commandment Mark 12:29-31 The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these. The Great Commission Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Figure 9: Integration of TSFM and Portfolio [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Figure 9 details ] Page 154 Flowing throughout this Portfolio is God’s revelation to a seven-year-old yearning to hear His voice. My understanding of TSF reinforces a desire for others to hear God calling their name and thus affirming their identity and purpose. Through the avenues of spiritual direction and supervision, helping directees and directors recognize and address their resistance to the divine Word of God is important if those with ears to hear are to listen and understand (Matthew 11:15) that which He is revealing to them. My TSFM parses out the process of TSF that fosters a contemplative evocative approach toward God so that His voice may be heard and a response be given. For participants in the research project, hearing God voice His love for them strengthened their relationship and trust as they discerned a vocational call to supervision. Ensconced at the centre of my TSFM is the place in which I am learning to rest. This is not a passive activity for someone who is as independent, hardworking, and self-righteous as I. This invites trust in the God who once asked me in the midst of bringing up challenging teenagers, “Do you trust your children to me?” That question stopped me in my tracks as I searched my heart for the answer. Modelled on Peter’s answer to Jesus in John 6:68, I could only weakly say, “Lord, who else would I trust?” Even then, without fully comprehending what was happening, I was being led by the Good Shepherd back to this place of rest, the green meadows, and peaceful streams of Psalm 23, where He renewed my strength and guided me along right paths to mother the children He gave me to steward. My perceptive friend is right; I have instinctively been living out my model. Page 155 This Portfolio has gifted me in three ways. First, I no longer fit God into my day but rather my day now revolves around God. This entails a lifestyle change, and one that I am willing to make. I desire to begin each day at the centre of the Model, entrenched in the Trinity, so that this becomes as natural to me as breathing. I can only be sustained if I know the Sustainer. Second, trinitarian doctrine has enriched my spiritual formation. Having had a taste of objective trinitarian participation, I never want to go back to subjective moral formation. I’ve tried that. Being plunged into the dark night of the senses was a terrifying experience that brought to light “the reality of this Other in whom [my] own life is found” (Ziegler 2018, 78). Third, I have a conviction that a trinitarian framework for the ministries of spiritual direction and supervision could revolutionize the way directees experience the risen, ascended Christ and directors participate in the work He is doing. I believe this is yet to be fully fleshed out, but I welcome ongoing dialogue with those who are of like mind. In fact, prayerful conversation with another friend solidified a yearning rising up within me to radically consider what I’ll call Trinitarian Spiritual Direction (TSD) and Trinitarian Supervision of Spiritual Directors (TSSD). Foundational to this will be TSF, for that will form the backbone to TSD and TSSD. Imagine a ministry of spiritual direction where directors believe Jesus is the Primary Agent at work in their directees lives and that, because their ministry is trinitarian in its activity and origin, the lives of their directees are one of inclusion in the Trinity, contrary to whatever their directees’ understandings may be. How might this trinitarian lens affect the way directors listen and hence Page 156 speak? Imagine a ministry of supervision where directors believe Jesus is the Primary Agent at work in their own imperfect lives and that, because their ministry is trinitarian in its activity and origin, their lives are caught up in this fellowship, no matter what their inadequacies may be. How might this trinitarian lens affect the way they experience God in supervision? Mindful of the Spirit’s leading, I have begun to put this into practice with the directees I meet and the directors I supervise. I am astounded, as are they, where our trialogues take us and at their joyous reactions when the Spirit opens our eyes to the work of Jesus in their lives and in our midst. What would it be like for directors to delight in the love of the Trinity? Reeves (2012, 106) says, “The mission comes from the overflow of love, from the uncontainable enjoyment of the fellowship.” This love and fellowship of the Trinity and the strength in a cord of three strands are meaningful to me at a personal, parental, and ministerial level. I am never alone. Loved of the Father, created for Jesus, and led by the Spirit to be in fellowship with the Trinity is the story of my life. It is also the story of my sisters’ lives and those of my children as well the story of all with whom I live and whom I serve in ministry. Blessed beyond measure by the Father’s transformational love in Jesus and through the Spirit, I conclude by blessing those who desire to hear God’s voice as they find purpose in the Great Commandment and meaning in the Great Commission: May the LORD bless you and protect you; May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you; May the LORD show you His favour and give you His peace. ~ Numbers 6:24-26 Page 157 APPENDICES Page 158 Appendix 1: Monikers Moniker Relationship Meaning (from google.com/search) Astute Life Group Leader Assess situations to one's advantage Benevolent Sister, 2nd daughter Well meaning and kindly Big-Hearted Bible teacher Kind and generous Bonus Son Something welcome and unexpected Compelling Lifelong friend Evoking interest in a powerful way Empowered Spiritual friend Make someone more confident Exquisite Best friend Extremely beautiful and delicate Favoured Sister-in-law Show approval or preference for Firecracker Eldest sister-in-law A loud, explosive firework Fun-Loving Husband Light-hearted and lively Humble Father Modest estimate of one’s importance Initiative Spiritual friend Ability to assess and initiate things Intriguing Daughter Fascinating Intuitive Lifelong friend Instinctive Materfamilias Grandmother Female head of family Monarch Grandmother Sovereign head of state; queen Mother Superior Headmistress Head of female religious community Paterfamilias Grandfather Male head of family Patriarch Grandfather Male head of family Perceptive Lifelong friend Having or showing sensitive insight Prophesised Son Happening in the future Quixotic Mother Exceedingly idealistic Radical piritual friend Far-reaching or thorough Revered Mother-in-law Feel deep respect or admiration for Surprise Sister, 4th daughter Unexpected or astonishing event Unsuspecting Sister’s friend Not aware of God’s plans for her Vivacious Sister, 3rd daughter Attractively lively and animated Page 159 Appendix 2: Family Tree [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Appendix 2 details. ] Page 160 Appendix 3: Tyndale Research and Ethics Board Approval TYNDALE UNIVERSITY COLLEGE & SEMINARY Certificate of Ethics Review Clearance for Research Involving Human Subjects Primary Investigator Maria Chan (Kon) Faculty Supervisor: Mark Chapman REB File Number: 201900012 Title of Project: Attending to the Spiritual Formation of Spiritual Directors Transitioning into Spiritual Director Supervisors Through a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life Status of Approval ~ Approved □ Revisions Required □ Denied Notes: Chair, Research Ethics Board Date Page 161 Appendix 4: Qualifications of a Certified Spiritual Director What is a Certified Spiritual Director (CSD)? Spiritual Directors are those who have received specific training in the Bible, theology, and spiritual formation, enabling them to assist individuals (called directees) in their spiritual journey. Spiritual Directors are interested in the spiritual health, well-being and spiritual growth of the directees they serve. Spiritual Directors provide this ministry through regular one-on-one sessions (or group sessions) that are focused on listening to and working with both the directee and the Holy Spirit. Holistic Approach and Spiritual Disciplines Spiritual Direction is holistic in that it is concerned with the directees’ spiritual, physical, relational and emotional wholeness. Spiritual Directors are trained with the necessary skills to work through the various challenges that the directees bring. At the same time, Spiritual Directors are personally committed to integrating the spiritual disciplines in their own life. Certification to Ensure Integrity Tyndale's Spiritual Directors are certified with the Canadian Council of Professional Certification (CCPC). Certification recognizes Spiritual Directors have fulfilled an acceptable standard. More information on how to become a Certified Spiritual Director and how to become a Certified Spiritual Director Supervisor can be accessed here: https://www.tyndale.ca/seminary/spiritual-formation/csd How to become a Certified Spiritual Director (CSD) Prospective Certified Spiritual Directors must: • Have an acceptable graduate degree in the area of theology, biblical studies, and spirituality, • Completed the required Spiritual Formation courses, • Completed 500 hours of Spiritual Direction practicum, • Met the core competencies as outlined in the CCPC Spiritual Director Standards Manual and • Be authorized to minister in Spiritual Direction by the individual's home church. https://www.tyndale.ca/seminary/spiritual-formation/csd/tobecomeCSD Page 162 Appendix 5: Announcement Letter 22 July 2019 Summer greetings, TASD Members: I am currently a student in the Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation program at Tyndale Seminary, and I am about to embark on my DMin research project entitled “Nurturing the Spiritual Formation of Spiritual Directors Transitioning into Spiritual Director Supervisors Through a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life.” A two-fold opportunity regarding supervisors has arisen within our community: the need for more spiritual direction supervisors in general and self-identifying spiritual directors interested in becoming supervisors. Spiritual formation is foundational to the ministry of spiritual direction, and for those directors transitioning into the ministry of supervision, spiritual formation remains crucial. My project will engage an adapted form of Retreat in Daily Life (RDL) which will focus on the spiritual formation of supervisors. The same framework for the classical Retreat in Daily Life will be used but will be adapted in three ways: it will be grounded in trinitarian doctrine; it will develop a contemplative evocative approach to supervision and it will cover a span of seven (not five) weeks. For these reasons, this Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life will be referred to as SF-RDL to distinguish one from the other. In addition, data through interviews, questionnaires, ethnography and feedback will be collected along the way. This study invites 8-10 participants to be part of the SF-RDL from October to November 2019 (NB: depending on when this project is approved, the timeframe may extend into first week of December). The format will be as follows: a one- on-one in-take interview to establish project suitability; communal gathering at the Opening Session at Tyndale Seminary from 9.30am-3.30pm; seven weeks of integrating themed scripture readings with complementary supervision practices from the comfort of home; Closing Session at Tyndale Seminary from 9.30am- 3.30pm; and finishing with a one-on-one conclusion interview. There are three things you may wish to consider regarding participation: • I am appealing primarily to those who are in a position to commit to the full seven weeks; however, please note participation is voluntary and that you may withdraw from the study at any time. Page 163 Appendix. 5: Announcement Letter, cont. • While anonymity is difficult given our collegiate environment, all information and data will remain confidential within our SF-RDL community. Non-identifying codes will be assigned to participants, and, with the publishing of data, further descriptive changes will be made to honor those who wish to remain as anonymous as possible. • There is no financial compensation for participating, and a minimal investment of $70 toward receiving seven weeks of spiritual direction is required. The anticipated benefits of this project are two-fold: 1. In nurturing the spiritual formation of directors transitioning into supervisors, it is hoped directors might have a greater sense of their calling to the ministry of supervision, and 2. In developing a trinitarian dependent supervision philosophy, it is hoped directors will have a solid foundation upon which to build a supervision practice. For those who are interested, please prayerfully consider this opportunity over the summer months. An Information Letter containing further details on how you might participate and what is involved will be emailed through the TASD in early September 2019. I look forward to learning together with you for the sake of, and in service to, the Supervisor. With blessings, Maria Page 164 Appendix 6: Information Letter Information Letter Regarding Research Taking Place at Tyndale Seminary with Members of the Tyndale Association of Spiritual Directors (TASD) between October and November 2019 Principal Researcher: Maria (Chan) Kon Research Focus: Attending to the Spiritual Formation of Spiritual Directors Transitioning into Spiritual Director Supervisors Through a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life. Opportunity: Each year the number of Tyndale graduate spiritual directors increases, creating a two-fold opportunity within the TASD: the need for more supervisors in general and self-identifying spiritual directors interested in becoming supervisors. Supervision is important to the ongoing spiritual health of the ministry of spiritual direction for the sake of the directee and in honor of God. Project focus: Spiritual formation is foundational to the ministry of spiritual direction, and for those directors desiring to transition into the ministry of supervision, spiritual formation remains crucial. This research project will adapt the classic Retreat in Daily Life (RDL) to a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life (SF-RDL), creating a framework for discernment regarding readiness to transition into supervision. Please note: this project and the Spiritual Direction Internship are two distinct entities and involvement in this project does not automatically gain the participant entrance as supervisor to the Spiritual Direction Internship, with its own recruitment process under the leadership of Sharon Bradimore. Proposed procedure: one-on-one in-take interview to establish project suitability; communal gathering at the Opening Session on Saturday 19 October 2019 at Tyndale Seminary from 9.30am-3.30pm; seven weeks of contemplative evocative spiritual formation from home; Closing Session on Saturday 7 December 2019 at Tyndale Seminary from 9.30am-3.30pm and after-care interview. Participants will also meet weekly for half an hour with an assigned SF-RDL director requiring an investment of $70 for the complete seven weeks. Participants: This research project seeks the participation of 8-10 directors aged between 45-65 plus of either gender, any race, ethnicity and socioeconomic background. Participation is voluntary with the option to withdraw from the study without any negative repercussions. Weightier consideration will be given to those who satisfy the following minimal criteria: practicing spiritual director, receiving spiritual direction and supervision and CSD or close to certification. Page 165 Appendix 6: Information Letter, cont. All directors discerning a call to supervision are invited to consider this research project. Risks: I acknowledge the possibility of duality in my role as director/supervisor and research facilitator which raises the potential for undue influence. I pledge to always seek the participant’s best interests and that of the TASD community. Should participants wish to withdraw at any point, there will be no negative consequences regarding our relationship, the TASD or their decision to apply as a supervisor for the Spiritual Direction Internship. Should participants experience psychological or emotional discomfort, a designated SF-RDL counsellor is available (at a reduced rate to be paid by the participant for the duration of the project and renegotiated should services continue beyond the project timeframe). Otherwise, there are no known direct or undue risks associated with participating in this study. Benefits: (1) In adopting a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation, participants will have a framework through the SF-RDL to discern whether they are ready to transition into the ministry of supervision; (2) Engaging in a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation will encourage a contemplative approach toward supervision and (3) The creation of a keepsake SF-RDL Manual will provide the beginnings of a supervision philosophy that participants can continue to develop through further training. Confidentiality: This will be safeguarded unless mandatory laws have been breached. Total anonymity of TASD members may not be possible due to the collegial spirit of our community. All personal journalling will remain the private property of participants. All interviews and questionnaires will be collected for data and stored in a locked file cabinet in my office. Data will also be collected though weekly questionnaires from the SF-RDL directors, although no sensitive details will be divulged. A coding system removing all personal identification will be used for data analysis before submission to an Expert Panel who will assess the effectiveness of the project. Publication: Results of the study will be available to participants once it is finalized. This report will be placed in the Tyndale library as part of my project portfolio. At present, no further publication of the research data or subsequent related studies are planned. Participants can opt for their data to be used in secondary use of data studies. The research project is expected to conclude at the end of January 2020 and submitted by April 2020 to my faculty professor. Page 166 Appendix 6: Information Letter, cont. Accountability: This research will conform to all requirements of Canadian ethical guidelines as outlined in the Tri-Council Policy Statement: Ethical Conduct for Research Involving Humans and the Tyndale Research Ethics Policy Manual. In addition, this project is under the supervision of the Project-Thesis professor, Dr. Mark Chapman, and Program Director, Dr. David Sherbino, in the Doctor of Ministry Department at Tyndale Seminary. Next Steps: If you have any clarifying questions, please direct them to me, Maria (Chan) Kon at either my confidential contact number 416 275 4989 or konmaria@mytyndale.ca. You may also direct any questions or concerns about the ethical nature of this study to the Chair of the Research Ethics Board (REB) at Tyndale Seminary at REB@tyndale.ca. If you would like to be considered for this research study, please contact Susan Murphy at web@tasd.ca by 20 September 2019. Once she has passed your information to me, I will confirm receipt of interest and, upon approval from the Tyndale REB, will send a consent form and arrange for a one-on-one in-take interview to discern participant suitability for this research project. Together, for Christ, Maria (Chan) Kon, MTS., CSDS Project Researcher and DMin Student Page 167 Appendix 7: Research Study Consent Form Attending to the Spiritual Formation of Spiritual Directors Transitioning into Spiritual Director Supervisors Through a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life Name (please print) 1. I have read and understand the Information Letter outlining the purpose of this research project, potential duality and ability to ask clarifying questions at any time. 2. I agree to a one-on-one in-take interview to determine suitability and readiness, as well as a one-on-one after-care interview at the conclusion of the project. 3. I understand that I will be participating in the Opening and Closing Sessions of a seven-week SF-RDL and that weekly I will be required to submit questionnaires and log sheets. 4. I understand that my participation in this study is voluntary and I may withdraw at any time without any negative repercussions between the researcher and I, the TASD community or the Spiritual Direction Practicum. 5. I understand the risks and benefits of the proposed study. I am not waiving any legal rights by participating in this study. 6. I agree to pay $70 in total toward my assigned SF-RDL director whom I will meet with weekly. 7. I understand that every effort will be made to maintain the confidentiality of the data now and in the future. I give permission for my SF-RDL director to submit non-sensitive data and, together with my questionnaire and log sheets, I am aware these will be used in the research report. My data will not be included if I am uncomfortable. I am aware the data will be submitted to an Expert Panel, publicly presented and later published and placed in the Tyndale library according to the requirements of the Doctor of Ministry program. Should I be interested, I am entitled to a copy of the findings. 8. I understand that due to the small scale of the study and the collegial relationship with director colleagues, complete anonymity may not be possible. Should my concerns to remain anonymous not be satisfied, I am free to withdraw from this project. Page 168 Appendix 7: Research Study Consent Form, cont. 9. I am aware if I have any questions about study participation they may be directed to Maria (Chan) Kon at or ; the course professor, Dr. Mark Chapman, at mchapman@tyndale.ca or the Chair of the Tyndale Research Ethics Board at REB@tyndale.ca, and that the latter two have given approval to this project. I have read the above statement and freely consent to participate in this study through my involvement in the seven-week SF-RDL: YES NO I agree to have the Opening and Closing Sessions observed by two notetakers for data collection purposes and for the sessions to be audibly recorded if appropriate: YES NO Signature: Date: Page 169 Appendix 8: Permission to Adapt Resources 8.1. Retreat in Daily Life Mon, 15 Jul 2019, 16:07 Retreat in Daily Life: Permission to use Maria Chan to Hello, Fr. Jean-Marc, Thank you for your website and posting John Veltri’s Retreat in Daily Life. I am asking permission as a Doctor of Ministry student at Tyndale Seminary in Toronto, to use this material as part of a research project I am doing. I have run RDLs in the past, and I am so appreciative of the way this has been made accessible to lay people such as myself. I will be adapting the content of the RDL for my project purpose but would like to maintain the structure of the RDL. In hope and with blessings, Maria Kon Jean-Marc Laporte, 2019-07-15 10:30 PM To: Maria Chan Dear Maria, By all means, use this material. Blessings on your project. Jean-Marc Page 170 8.2. The Empty Cup From: Maria Chan < Date: Mon, Jul 22, 2019 at 10:29 PM Subject: The Cup of Our Life - Joyce Rupp To: avemariapress.l@nd.edu To Whom it May Concern: I am a Doctor of Ministry student at Tyndale Seminary. I am writing to ask permission if I might adapt a. Joyce Rupp’s idea of an empty cup with 10 participants taking part in my project and b. The prayer on page 45 beginning “Generous God.” Thank you for your kind attention to this two-fold request. Maria Kon DMin student From: Catherine Owers < Sent: 2019-07-23 4:53 PM To: Subject: Re: The Cup of Our Life - Joyce Rupp Certainly, this adaptation to the prayer is acceptable. We're glad to grant you permission to make 10 or so copies of the prayer, and simply request that you include the following credit line on the copies: Adapted from The Cup of Our Life, copyright ©1997, 2012 by Joyce Rupp, OSM. Used with the permission of the Publisher, Sorin Books, an imprint of Ave Maria Press®, Inc., P.O. Box 428, Notre Dame, Indiana, 46556, www.avemariapress.com. Page 171 8.3. Safe Place and Core Longings DMin Question for Dr Neal Siler Tue, 30 Jul 2019, 22:58 Maria Chan to Ahealingforyoul@aol.com Hello, Dr. Siler, I am writing to ask permission to use the Safe Place and Core Longings you taught in class this summer for my DMin research project. Also, I wonder if you might know how I can contact Dr Gloria Wilcox as I’d like to ask her permission to use The Feeling Wheel. I am not having much success finding her email, and according to another researcher, she doesn’t respond to the address that is sometimes attached to her feeling wheel. Thank you for whatever help you can extend to me. Every blessing, Maria From: R Neal Siler < Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 4:50:14 AM To: Maria Chan Subject: The Feeling Wheel: A tool for expanding awareness of emotions and increasing spontaneity and intimacy. - PsycNET Hello Maria, thanks for contacting me. You may certainly use “Safe Place” as taught in class, citing Terry Wardle, Healing Care Healing Prayer and Core Longings as taught in class citing Dr Wardle- sane text. If you use the hand illustration cite Dr Anne Halley and reference class notes. Click on the link below and use the citation found there. That is all you need for use of the feeling wheel.https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1983-28461-001 Please let me know if I can assist further. Many blessings, R. Neal Siler Page 172 8.4. Conversation Circles Permission to use Circle Visual in my doctorate project Mon, 19 Aug 2019, 22:48 Maria Chan Dear Wendy, I would be so grateful if you could let me know if I may have permission to use your Circle Visual regarding Where, How and Who as part of my doctorate project. Thank you for whatever help you can extend. Every blessing, Maria Re: Permission to use Circle Visual in my doctorate project Wendy Miller Tues, Aug 20, 2019 at 8.12am Hullo Maria, Yes, do feel free to use the Circle Visual. Using it will also mean that you give credit to Margaret Silf and her work in Inner Compass, from whom I borrowed and adapted the circle work. In the first edition, the work on circles is in ch.1; in second edition, ch.2. Book published by Loyola Press. Full title: Inner Compass: an invitation to ignition spirituality. In grace and trust this day as you bring your DMin work to a close and submit it. Congratulations on such diligent, loving, and insightful work!! It will become a blessing in your life and ministry. Wendy Page 173 8.5. The Feeling Wheel Copyright Clearance Center RightsLink® Routledge Taylor & Francis Croup Title: The Feeling Wheel Author: Gloria Willcox Publication: The Transactional Analysis Journal Publisher: Taylor & Francis Date: Oct 1, 1982 Rights managed by Taylor & Francis Thesis/Dissertation Reuse Request Taylor & Francis is pleased to offer reuses of its content for a thesis or dissertation free of charge contingent on resubmission of permission request if work is published. Copyright © 2019 Copyright Clearance Center, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy statement. Terms and Conditions. https://s100.copyright.com/AppDispatchServlet#formTop Page 174 8.6. Johari Window Model Reproduction of Johari Window Model granted on condition the following accompanies the diagram at all times: This version © alan chapman 2003. This diagram is based on the Ingham and Luft Johari Window, developed and adapted by Alan Chapman. You may use it personally or within your organization freely provided copyright and www.businessballs.com are acknowledged. Not to be sold or incorporated in any publication produced for profit without permission from Alan Chapman. Support and advice on using this system is available from alan chapman via email ac@alanchapman.com. Other free online training and systems are at www.businessballs.com. Disclaimer: Reliance upon any information, material or advice received from Alan Chapman, howsoever obtained or provided, shall be at your sole risk. Alan Chapman assumes no responsibility for any error or omissions, or for the results obtained from the use of such material, and is not liable for any damages of any kind resulting from the use of, or reliance upon it. If embarking on any actions that may potentially carry liabilities of any type, you are encouraged to seek local relevant qualified advice. Page 175 Appendix 9: SF-RDL Procedure [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Appendix 9 details ] At the Opening Session you will receive Equipage for Week 1: H.6.1. Safe Place. Individual Closing Session will be integrated with the individual after-care interview to be booked between 7-13 December 2019. Communal Closing Session revised to Saturday 11 January 2020. Note: The following will be used for data collection: 2.1. SF-RDL Participant Weekly Questionnaire 4.1. SF-RDL Participant Feelings Log Page 176 Appendix 10: Data Gathering Instruments 10.1. SF-RDL Participant In-Take Interview 1. What year did you graduate from the Spiritual Direction Practicum? 2. Certified Spiritual Director (CSD) qualification a) Do you have your CSD? (500 accumulated hours) b) If not, how many hours have you accumulated? 3. Spiritual Direction a) Are you currently giving spiritual direction? b) How many directees do you meet with? 4. Supervision a) Are you currently seeing a supervisor? b) How long have you been meeting with your supervisor? c) Have you had any previous supervision training? d) Are you currently giving supervision? e) How many are you supervising? 5. Retreat in Daily Life (RDL) a) Are you familiar with the RDL? b) Have you been an RDL-director? c) Have you been an RDL-retreatant? d) Do you understand the difference between RDL and SF-RDL? 6. Scheduling a) Are you able to attend the Opening and Closing Sessions in person? b) Can your schedule accommodate the 7 weeks SF-RDL? c) Are you able to meet weekly with an SF-RDL director? 7. Understanding the participant a) What is your current working definition of spiritual direction? b) Please share what your experience with the practicum was like. c) What are your cutting edges as a spiritual director? d) Are you familiar with the terms “contemplative” and “evocative”? If so, how do you understand them? e) Are you comfortable engaging with your feelings? Please elaborate. f) If you are familiar with imaginative prayer, please describe it. g) What has motived you to participate in this project? h) What skills from spiritual direction are you bringing to supervision? i) What is your experience with supervision like? j) What would you like to be included in our Group Learning Covenant? k) What do you understand this project to be about? l) What is your hoped-for outcome for participating in this project? 8. Do you have any clarifying questions? Page 177 10.2. SF-RDL Participant After-Care Interview and Closing Session After-care Interview 1. What is your current working definition of spiritual direction? 2. What do you now understand by contemplative? 3. What do you now understand by evocative? 4. What was your experience with your director like? 5. Was your director able to help deepen your experience of contemplative evocative spiritual direction? Please elaborate. 6. What was your overall experience of the SF-RDL like? 7. Do you think the SF-RDL would be helpful to other directors considering transition into supervisors? Please elaborate. 8. This was your hoped-for outcome... a. Has your hoped-for outcome been met? b. Could you please elaborate? Closing Session 1. Could you please describe your spiritual journey over the seven weeks of the SF-RDL? 2. Was there any one significant moment in the SF-RDL that has impacted your spiritual formation that you would like to share? 3. Were there uncomfortable or challenging moments in your interaction with Jesus during the SF-RDL? 4. What has the contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation been like for you? 5. Has the SF-RDL material in any way deepened the way you understand or practice spiritual direction? Please elaborate. 6. Was the SF-RDL helpful in any way in your discernment process? Please elaborate. Page 178 10.3. SF-RDL Participant Weekly Questionnaire Participant: SF-RDL Week: Having completed this week’s SF-RDL readings a) please circle the number that closely correlates with your experience: 1 Strongly Agree 2 Agree 3 Neutral/No Evidence 4 Disagree 5 Strongly disagree b) you are invited to elaborate further in the space provided. Overall, the SF-RDL material this week gave me a good framework for entering the contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation. 1 2 3 4 5 Please elaborate: I found the following to be helpful: a) Engaging with the Equipage Handout 1 2 3 4 5 b) Articulating the grace I desire 1 2 3 4 5 c) Engaging with Jesus through Scripture 1 2 3 4 5 d) Reflecting on the Reflective Question 1 2 3 4 5 e) Thinking about the Reflective Quote 1 2 3 4 5 Please share why one of the above was most helpful this week: I found that meeting with an evocative/contemplative director a) Helped me be open to God’s love 1 2 3 4 5 b) Allowed me to explore my experience 1 2 3 4 5 c) Enabled me to pay attention to my interior reactions to God 1 2 3 4 5 Please elaborate on any one of the above: Page 179 10.3. SF-RDL Participant Weekly Questionnaire, cont. Throughout this week, I am noticing how a) my heart is more open and receptive to God. 1 2 3 4 5 b) I am growing in self-awareness. 1 2 3 4 5 c) I am seeing and experiencing God in new 1 2 3 4 5 ways. d) I am paying attention to the thoughts, feelings, 1 2 3 4 5 emotions and images that are arising within me. e) I am finding new ways to share my experiences 1 2 3 4 5 with God. In paying attention to the thoughts, feelings, emotions and images arising within you, please choose one and elaborate further: In response to participating with the material and in spiritual direction this week, I have been given insight that is helping me discern whether or not to proceed to becoming a spiritual director supervisor. 1 2 3 4 5 Please elaborate: Page 180 10.4. SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire SF-RDL director: SF-RDL Week: Having met with your SF-RDL directee: a) please circle the number that closely correlates with your experience: 1 Strongly Agree 2 Agree 3 Neutral/No Evidence 4 Disagree 5 Strongly disagree b) you may wish to elaborate further in the space provided. The directee is developing a contemplative evocative approach toward spiritual formation. 1 2 3 4 5 The directee entered God’s space in the session with intentionality and openness. 1 2 3 4 5 What does this intentionality and openness look like? The directee referenced one or more specific points from the SF-RDL material. 1 2 3 4 5 Which part of the SF-RDL material was referenced? Why? The directee affirmed or showed evidence that 1 2 3 4 5 she/he was experiencing God through images, symbols, or feelings. Please elaborate which: images, symbols or feelings: The directee articulated resistance. 1 2 3 4 5 The directee worked towards moving through resistance. 1 2 3 4 5 Page 181 10.5. SF-RDL Notetaker Opening/Closing Session Observations Contemplative coding [A] From place of [1] Head [2] Heart [3] Imagination [B] Facial expression [1] Receptive [2] Uncomfortable [3] Disagreeable [C] Tone of Voice [1] Engaged [2] Unsure or confused [3] Challenging [D] Body Language [1] Open [2] Neutral [3] Closed [E] Vocabulary used [1] Reflective [2] Inappropriate [3] Reactive [F] Response [1] Relevant [2] Digressed [3] Irrelevant [G] Interaction [1] To question [2] To others [3] With material asked Evocative coding [a] Evocative source [1] Questions [2] SF-RDL reading [3] Scripture [b] Engagement through [1] Feelings [2] Emotions [3] Senses [c] How demonstrated [1] Bodily [2] Words [3] Silence [d] Descriptive [1] Metaphor [2] Analogy [3] Symbols employed Page 182 10.5. SF-RDL Notetaker Opening/Closing Session Observations, cont. Note-taker: Date: Part I/II/III (circle which part of Opening/Closing Session under observation) Name of Name Name Name Name Participant From place of Facial Tone of Voice Body Language Vocabulary Response Interaction Evocative Source Engagement through How demonstrated Descriptive employed Page 183 10.6. SF-RDL Notetaker Opening Session Agenda with Questions Opening Session Agenda October 19, 2019. Tyndale University. Room G206. Notetakers 9:00-9:30 Arrival and welcome. 9:30-9:45 Worship and prayer: “Slowly Blooms the Rose Within” Any comments to what you heard? 9:45-10:15 Who are we as a community? Share one thing you are excited about or hopeful for as we embark on this SF-RDL adventure together . . . and all within a 2-minute timeframe. 10:15-10:45 Prelude. Supervision Manual to be handed out. To read “Vulnerability” by David Whyte (2019). Q1: What did you notice within you as you listened to Whyte’s understanding of vulnerability? 10:45-11:20 The Big Picture. To read from Copan’s (2016) Changing Your Mind. Q2: What is your response to Copan’s understanding of spiritual formation? 11:20-11:30 Washroom Break. 11:30-12:30 Part I: A Contemplative Evocative Approach to Spiritual Formation. Key attitudes of a director: humility; teachability; vulnerability Q3: Are any of the above—humility, teachability or vulnerability—a challenge for you? Why? Evocative explained. Q 4: How satisfied are you with your current style of giving spiritual direction? 12:30-1:00 Lunch break. 1:00-2:20 Part II: The Contemplative Evocative Approach of Supervision Direction and Supervision: overlap and differences. Q5: What other commonalties might there be between spiritual direction and supervision? 2:20-2:30 Washroom break. 2:30-3:20 Part III: SF-RDL - Integration of Scripture and Supervision. Safe Place exercise. Q 6: What was the Safe Place exercise like for you? 3:20-3:30 Close in prayer. Page 184 10.7. Post SF-RDL Expert Panel Questionnaire Name of expert: Date: Attending to the Spiritual Formation of Spiritual Directors Transitioning into Spiritual Director Supervisors Through a Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life Objective: In attending to the spiritual formation of transitioning directors, is the SF-RDL a viable discernment tool? Please find modified SF-RDL material in response to data collection and analysis. Please consider the following course evaluation questions (Emiliani, M.L. Bob. 2015. Lean Teaching: A Guide to Becoming a Better Teacher. Wethersfield, CT: The CLBM.2015, 111): 1) What waste, unevenness or unreasonableness could be eliminated from the learning activities or their constituent parts? Waste: Activities that do not directly contribute to the learning objectives (21). Unevenness: Activities where the demands placed on the learners fluctuate significantly (23). Unreasonableness: Activities that overburden the learners (23). 2) How could the flow within and between the learning activities be improved? 3) How could the learning activities better engage different learning styles? 4) What risks are the learning activities incurring, and how could they be avoided or mitigated? 5) How else could the learning activities be improved to better achieve the intended learning outcomes? Your feedback is much appreciated. If you require further information to make an informed response, please feel free to contact me at Page 185 10.8. SF-RDL Participant Feelings Log Name: For data collection purposes, please fill in your feeling word before (FB) and after (FA) and submit weekly. Indicate days missed with a dash (-) Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 1.1 FB 2.1 FB 3.1 FB 4.1 FB 5.1 FB 6.1 FB 7.1 FB 1.1 FA 2.1 FA 3.1 FA 4.1 FA 5.1 FA 6.1 FA 7.1 FA 1.2 FB 2.2 FB 3.2 FB 4.2 FB 5.2 FB 6.2 FB 7.12 FB 1.2 FA 2.2 FA 3.2 FA 4.2 FA 5.2 FA 6.2 FA 7.2 FA 1.3 FB 2.3 FB 3.3 FB 4.3 FB 5.3 FB 6.3 FB 7.3 FB 1.3FA 2.3 FA 3.3 FA 4.3 FA 5.3 FA 6.3 FA 7.3 FA 1.4 FB 2.4 FB 3.4 FB 4.4 FB 5.4 FB 6.4 FB 7.4 FB 1.4 FA 2.4 FA 3.5 FA 4.5 FA 5.5 FA 6.5 FA 7.5 FA 1.5 FB 2.5 FB 3.5 FB 4.5 FB 5.5 FB 6.5 FB 7.5 FB 1.5 FA 2.5 FA 3.5 FA 4.5 FA 5.5 FA 6.5 FA 7.5 FA Page 186 Appendix 11: Group Learning Covenant Our SF-RDL Group Covenant welcomes and invites [names of participants and researcher] to journey together through this SF-RDL. We have named the following values and desires and are covenanting together for these to characterize our interactions and relationships with one another for the duration of the SF-RDL from October 2019 to January 2020. CONFIDENTIALITY We will honor the other by maintaining confidentiality. We will not divulge anything that is shared in the group to anyone outside of this group without the express permission of the person who shared it. We will proactively protect the privacy of each member in our group. NON-JUDGMENTAL, CONSTRUCTIVE AND MEASURED COMMENTS We will nurture a place of safety where learning in a non-judgmental, safe environment enables all to flourish and learn at our own pace. For our own growth and development, we will give and receive constructive and measured comments that support the holistic development of the other. LEARNING IN COMMUNITY We are grateful for a like-minded community in which to continue learning our profession and deepening our ministry. We bring to each other an attitude of curiosity and willingness to participate. We choose to be a community where defensiveness and differences in opinion and spirituality are set aside so that attention to the matter at hand can be honored. SUPPORTIVENESS We will be supportive in how we engage with one another. We have permission to ask non-intimidating clarifying questions and any information freely shared will be given the space for interaction and processing. We will develop a healthy appreciation for controversial points of view and will refrain from fixing or forcing an immediate answer from the other. RESPECT We will show respect by listening attentively to the person who is speaking and show common courtesy by not interrupting or over-talking. Respect for others will also entail appropriate responses to questions asked in a timely manner that leaves space for others to contribute. We will intentionally and prayerfully engage the mind and spirit before engaging the tongue. PRAYERFULNESS We will work on being prayerful in our own devotional experience and extending our prayers to both our colleagues and those with whom we meet. Page 187 Appendix. 11: Group Learning Covenant, cont. GODLY LOVE Undergirding these values is the recognition and honor of our God, who in His very essence is love, is present with and within us and is the very reason why we are respond to His calling through this SF-RDL. We therefore affirm our intentionality to create a climate of learning within a communal setting for the sake of Christ and those whom we serve. To this end we covenant together as His beloved son and daughters (signatures): Page 188 Appendix 12: SF-RDL Preparation 12.1. Journal Article: Ziegler PURPOSE: To explore a trinitarian foundation as an alternative to anthropologically-centered forms of spiritual formation. RELEVANCE: Spiritual formation is most properly understood through the dynamic trinitarian lens of participation in the Son’s relation with the Father through the Spirit. Central to this approach is the restoration of the role of the living, ascended Christ as primary agent in the life of the Christian (Ziegler 2018, 74). FORMAT: Download the following journal article by Geordie Ziegler: “Is it Time for a Reformation of Spiritual formation? Recovering Ontology” Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care. Vol 11(1), 2018, 74-92. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1939790918758164 Please pay particular attention to the author’s explanation of: a) Subjective Moral Formation. b) Objective Trinitarian Participation. APPLICATION: In the reading of this article, respond to the following questions on the accompanying template: What do you understand by Subjective Moral Formation and Objective Trinitarian Participation? What resonates, convicts, encourages or challenges you? What impact might this article have on your own spiritual formation? Page 189 12.2. The Feeling Wheel PURPOSE: Designed to aid people in learning to recognize and communicate their feelings and to learn to welcome and validate feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. RELEVANCE: Feelings can be an avenue through which God may choose to communicate. FORMAT: The wheel organizes 72 feelings into a pie chart and buckets them into these six groups: sad, mad, scared, joyful, powerful, and peaceful. The wheel is useful for identifying the specific feeling that is being experienced in the present moment. For instance, if you experience a general sad feeling, you can use the outer bands of the wheel to figure out what specific kind of sadness you may be feeling. For example, maybe what you are really experiencing is feeling ignored. Note that the reverse can also happen. For instance, by using the wheel you may realize that feeling inadequate may be rooted in rejection or fear at a deeper level. The experiences directees have in their relationship with God are the currency in spiritual direction. This is informed by their feelings. A director’s growing awareness of his or her feelings in the midst of giving spiritual direction enables that person to acknowledge them before temporarily putting them aside in order to remain attentive to the directee. The director’s feelings will later be explored in supervision The same principle applies to supervisors in the supervision of directors. This helps remind supervisors to: a. Pay attention to what the director is bringing to supervision, knowing your own feelings can be addressed at the appropriate time and place. b. Reaffirm that the director is different from you. c. Notice when the director’s experience triggers a compatible or contrary feeling within you. d. Honor feelings by bringing them before God in prayer and in supervision. e. Develop and articulate vocabulary for personal ongoing interior awareness. Feelings are acknowledged in the head; emotions are experienced in the body. Moral judgement is not given to feelings but rather they are to be befriended for the message they have to convey. The same feeling word can contain subtle but important nuances to different people, yet another reminder of the uniqueness of each person’s life story. Page 190 12.2. The Feeling Wheel, cont. APPLICATION: You will be using The Feeling Wheel throughout the seven- week SF-RDL and recording your observations on the 4.1. SF-RDL Participant Feelings Log. The Feeling Wheel may not always contain the exact word that identifies what you are feeling; however, identify the word that most closely names your feeling and write that down or choose a word that does reflect your feeling. Take some time now to familiarize yourself with The Feeling Wheel. What feeling are you aware of and why? Please complete the following sentence on the accompanying template: I am feeling because H.3.b. The Feeling Wheel [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for H.3.b details. ] Title: The Feeling Wheel Author: Gloria Willcox Publication: The Transactional Analysis Journal Publisher: Taylor & Francis Date: Oct 1, 1982 Rights managed by Taylor & Francis Thesis/Dissertation Reuse Request Taylor & Francis is pleased to offer reuses of its content for a thesis or dissertation free of charge contingent on resubmission of permission request if work is published. Page 191 12.3. Core Longings PURPOSE: To enable people to re-connect with their core longings. RELEVANCE: Everything that breathes needs their God-given core longings to be met. FORMAT: There are five core longings everyone needs to have a deep sense of belonging. If these are not met healthily, they will be met in unhealthy and destructive ways; for example, when you feel you are not significant, being in ministry may give you the significance you crave but may hastily result in burn- out. The five core longings are significance, purpose, understanding, security and love. This can be presented diagrammatically as follows: [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for 12.3 Core Longings drawing ] Dr. Anne Halley On a piece of paper: a. Write out your full name. b. Draw an outline of your hand underneath your name. c. Fill in the Core Longings as illustrated in the above hand diagram. d. As you consider this overall picture, ask God to reveal: o Any unmet core longings. o Broken places that impact your present life situation. o Insecure attachments that create difficulty for you and keep you at a distance from living fully complete in Him. e. Respond to what God shows you in the accompanying template. APPLICATION: What was your experience in doing this exercise? How might unmet core longings influence your calling to supervision? Permission from Dr. Neal Siler to use Dr. Anne Halley’s illustration and Connecting with my Core Longings exercise from the Formational Prayer DMSF 0904 Course Handout. Page 192 12.4. Interior Awareness PURPOSE: For participants, with God, to reflect upon what they are noticing emerge within them in preparation for the SF-RDL. RELEVANCE: To increase awareness of and develop appropriate vocabulary for one’s interior landscape. FORMAT: Below you will find possible items you may wish to pay attention to. 1. Pause to consider any or all of the following: a. Expectations: hopes and needs. b. Doubts: questions and uncertainty. c. Past experience: previous RDLs, previous spiritual director, etc. 2. Notice what your approach to the SF-RDL might be: a. In need of faith, prayer, accompaniment, etc. b. Reverent anticipation: openness to whatever God has in store. c. Pride: “I already know this.” 3. Consider what is motivating you to participate in the SF-RDL: a. Response to an invitation. b. Just what I need at the moment. c. Curiosity and lots of questions. 4. Become aware of thoughts that need attending: a. An unresolved issue that is distracting me is ... b. An inadequacy keeping me from staying focused is ... c. An insight that encourages me is... 5. Consider what needs further exploration: a. The area in which my trust in God is deepening is. b. My relationship with God looks like . c. I’m experiencing deeper freedom/humility/worth in. 6. What new areas of growth am I being drawn to? a. Theology. b. Spiritual Formation. c. Invitation to step out from my comfort zone. APPLICATION: Participants are encouraged to engage with and explore their interior landscape. Identify one or more from the above (1-6) that resonates with you and then engage with any one or all of the following (a-c) to which you are drawn. Record your response(s) on the accompanying template. Page 193 12.5. Pre-SF-RDL Engagement Template ZIEGLER’S ARTICLE What do you understand by Subjective Moral Formation? What do you understand by Objective Trinitarian Participation? What, in this article, resonates, convicts, encourages or challenges you? Share your most predominant reaction. What impact might this article have on your own spiritual formation? THE FEELING WHEEL I am feeling __ because CORE LONGINGS What was your experience in doing this exercise? How might unmet core longings influence your calling to supervision? INTERIOR AWARENESS I chose to focus on number ___ and letter ___ and note the following: Page 194 Appendix 13: Equipage Handouts PURPOSE: Overview of seven-week Equipage Handout and preparatory work for SF-RDL weekly themed daily scripture readings (SF-RDL Material). RELEVANCE: To encourage a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation, foundational for a contemplative evocative approach to the supervision of spiritual directors. FORMAT: A table outlining the spiritual movement of the SF-RDL integrating Equipage Handout (contemplative evocative) with weekly themes (spiritual formation) and ministry focus (supervision orientated). SF-RDL Summary Table Week Equipage Handout SF-RDL Theme Ministry Focus Week 1 H.6.1. Safe Place Beloved Father Week 2 H.6.2. Empty Cup Emptied Jesus Week 3 H.6.3. Remembrance Symbol Called Holy Spirit Week 4 H.6.4. Imagination With-ness Compassionate Observer Week 5 H.6.5. Johari Window Contemplative Reflection Week 6 H.6.6. Conversation Circles Evocative Questions Week 7 H.6.7 Reflective Pause Feelings Interior Awareness APPLICATION: Two forms of Handouts accompany you on your spiritual formation journey: 1] Handouts H.6.a-H.6.d set the tone for the SF-RDL and are to be read before embarking on the first SF-RDL material. 2] Handouts H.6.1-H.6.7 are designed to encourage a contemplative approach to your spiritual formation. Some ways to reflect on this are: a) integrating the Equipage Handout with the weekly themed SF-RDL, b) engaging lectio divina or gospel contemplation as a way of entering and c) identifying ways your prayer life seems richer, etc. Page 195 Appendix 13: Equipage Handouts, cont. KINDLY NOTE: The SF-RDL is made up of two parts: o Equipage Handout (H.6.1 to H.6.7) o SF-RDL material (H.7.1 to H.7.7) consisting of ■ the grace sought ■ Scripture verses ■ reflective question ■ reflective thought. o You are encouraged to journal your insights, reflections and questions using the T.2. SF-RDL Journey Tracker provided. These will not be collected but will provide material for your spiritual direction sessions and responses to the weekly questionnaires for data collection. Finally, please remember that a crucial component of the SF-RDL is dialoguing with Jesus and hearing what He has to share with you on this transitionary journey. May you enjoy this sacred time together. Thank you so much for agreeing to be part of this DMin research project! Page 196 13.1. Retreat in Daily Life PURPOSE: The Spiritual Exercises are a compilation of meditations, prayers, and contemplative practices developed by St. Ignatius Loyola to help people deepen their relationship with God through the use of their imagination. For centuries the Exercises were most commonly given as a “long retreat” of about 30 days in solitude and silence. In recent years, there has been a renewed emphasis on the Spiritual Exercises as a program for laypeople. The most common way of going through the Exercises now is a “retreat in daily life” which involves a month-long program of daily prayer and meetings with a spiritual director. The Exercises have also been adapted in many other ways to meet the needs of contemporary people. https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-spiritual-exercises/ Before we embark on the Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life (SF-RDL), let’s take a look at the classical retreat in daily life (RDL) as guided by Fr. John Veltri. According to Veltri, “The Week of Directed Prayer is a way of making a directed retreat in the midst of daily living.” The RDL was originally intended for five days, beginning with a group Opening Session of retreatants and directors on Sunday. From Monday to Friday, half an hour of prayer with Scripture at home was followed by half an hour of spiritual direction with a director at the church. The retreat ended with a Closing Session with retreatants and directors on Saturday. http://orientations.jesuits.ca/WkDirPr.pdf The RDL “creates the possibility for participants to experience a directed retreat without leaving their daily life,” creating “an excellent introduction to scriptural prayer. . . an introduction to the Bible . . . to integrate their life and their prayer.” In preparation, many participants treat this week as special, eliminating unimportant activities to “make efforts to live in greater harmony with the prayer experience of their ‘special week with God.’" ~ Veltri RELEVANCE: Veltri encouraged adaptation of the RDL. Permission has been granted to adapt the RDL for the purposes of this DMin research project to a SF- RDL. In strengthening a contemplative evocative approach to spiritual formation, you can hear directly from Jesus what His plans for you in ministry are. Simultaneously, the SF-RDL material incorporates ministry tools helpful for the supervision of directors in their transition to becoming supervisors of spiritual directors (Weeks 6-7). FORMAT: The SF-RDL will differ from the RDL in four distinct ways: a. It is grounded in trinitarian theology b. It cultivates a contemplative evocative approach to supervision c. It covers a span of seven weeks, not five days d. It involves data collection that attempts to measure such transition. Page 197 13.1. Retreat in Daily Life, cont. APPLICATION: As you engage with the SF-RDL material, it is hoped that you would directly engage with Jesus. Relish your alone time, be open, be attentive but most of all, just be at rest in Him. Welcome to the heart of the SF-RDL! Page 198 13.2. Preparing for Spiritual Direction PURPOSE: As a directee who receives spiritual direction and as a director who gives spiritual direction, you are already familiar with the receiving and giving of spiritual direction. The SF-RDL invites you to be a receiver. RELEVANCE: To appropriately engage the weekly 30-minute sessions with your spiritual director. FORMAT: Some recommendations to get the most out of this supervision- focused, retreat in daily life: 1. When reading Scripture, always pay attention to Jesus: o What words would you use to describe Him? o How does He carry out ministry? o In what areas are you being invited to stretch? o Are you aware of resistance, and, if so, what is the cause? o How is Jesus shaping your understanding of ministry? 2. As you prepare for spiritual direction, pay attention to your feelings. o Notice if there is one feeling that lingers or continues to shadow you. o Sit with that feeling and, if ready, allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to the root. o Perhaps you might like to find the appropriate word on The Feeling Wheel to help verbalize what you are noticing. If you cannot identify it, simply rest in the feeling and allow God, in His timing, to give you the word. 3. Refer to 4.1. SF-RDL Participant Feelings Log. o Look over your Feelings Log with open curiosity. o Do you notice any movement? A pattern? An invitation? o What do you feel as you read over the words you have recorded? o How might God be speaking to you through your feelings? 4. With regards to the Reflective Question. o How has your answer evolved over the course of five days? o Be prepared to share this experience with your SF-RDL director, APPLICATION: When dialoguing with your SF-RDL director, pay attention to what you are experiencing in your spiritual formation and how this might be informing your transition into supervision. Page 199 13.3. Lectio Divina PURPOSE: To pay attention to and encourage communion with God. RELEVANCE: To enter into an experience of God through His Word. FORMAT: 1. Lectio: listening, becoming familiar with words from scripture. o Notice what word or phrase resonates with you and be attentive to that. 2. Meditation: pondering, reflecting, thinking about the passage. o Ask God: what the word or phrase speaks to in your life? 3. Contemplation: come to rest in the area of life God has brought to your attention. o Ask God if He is inviting you to i. Understand or know something. ii. Do something. iii. Go somewhere. 4. Allow that which has emerged to fuel your prayer. Prayer is most alive when your emotions and feelings are incorporated. Pray with thanksgiving. APPLICATION: Communication with God in ministry is crucial. Communication as guided by Scripture familiarizes you with the Author of Scripture and the voice of God. Page 200 13.4. Gospel Contemplation PURPOSE: To experience Jesus through the use of our God-given gift of imagination. RELEVANCE: To access the imagination through feelings, senses and thoughts in contemplating the Gospel. FORMAT: 1. Begin by asking God to guide and protect your imagination and trust the process. Then, listen to or read a select gospel passage three times contemplatively as follows: a. After your first reading, ask God: i. Where am I in the passage? ii. Look around you - what is your point of view? iii. Who are you with? Stay in the scene as long as you need. b. After your second reading, ask God: i. Who am I in the passage? Are you a character in the story, an outside observer, or perhaps, surprisingly, an inanimate object, e.g.: tree? ii. Wherever and whoever you find yourself to be, keep your eyes focused on Jesus. a. How is He interacting with others? b. What is it like to observe Jesus in ministry? c. What is His facial expression like? d. How are people reacting to Him? How are you reacting to Him? e. What can you learn from Jesus as He goes about His ministry? f. Are you aware of His with-ness with His disciples, with you Pay attention to the way He listens and how He asks questions and creates space for others to discover truth themselves. g. What are you learning firsthand from Him? c. After your third reading, allow the story to continue unfolding and pa attention to what emerges. As we are focusing on supervision, how might you learn from the Master Supervisor? i. What skills is Jesus showing you? ii. What questions do you want to ask Him? iii. Do you feel seen by Him in your desire to transition from director to supervisor? 2. Close with a prayer of thanksgiving for what and how you experienced Him. Page 201 13.4. Gospel Contemplation, cont. APPLICATION: This is the opportunity to encounter Jesus as Teacher, Spiritual Director and Supervisor. Be encouraged knowing the Trinity is drawing you, that you are welcomed and invited to participate in whatever God has in store for you through gospel contemplation. Page 202 13.5. Safe Place PURPOSE: Through a sanctified imagination, to receive a visual safe place from God, conducive to communicating with Jesus and resting in Him. RELEVANCE: To submit our God-created imagination as an avenue in which God personally communicates through visuals, symbols, feelings, senses and any way that He chooses to speak. FORMAT: The “safe place” is where you are prayerfully open to and patiently wait upon Jesus: “I waited patiently for the Lord” (Psalm 40:1). Psalm 23 also provides a safe place ... a place of rest and care. a. Assume a comfortable position that allows for openness to the Holy Spirit. b. Invoke the presence of the Holy Spirit, asking for His protection and sanctification of your imagination. c. Prayerfully ask the Lord to give you a picture or image of His safe place for you. o This may be a place you have actually seen whether in person or in a picture or o it may be an imaginary place o either way, it is a place which God gives to you that is safe. ■ Allow time for this place to evolve. d. Rest in this place o Familiarize yourself with this place. o Use all your senses as you take a good look around you. Be curious! o Can you see where Jesus is in relation to you? o Rest here for as long as you need; allow time for this meeting to develop. e. Listen for a word from the Lord’s heart to your heart. o Share with Jesus what is on your heart. o Ask Him for the grace you seek. Note: If you are unable to visualize Jesus, just rest in the sense of His presence and nearness. Safety in His presence is what you are seeking. Simply enjoy the presence of the Lord, abiding for a time with Him in this safe place He has provided. APPLICATION: This is to experience a safe place for yourself that you can retreat to in times of spiritual or emotional need or prior to prayer, allowing you to experience His reviving presence and to simply rest in Him. It is also encouraging you to adopt this default position of resting in Jesus in ministry. Permission to use Safe Place as taught by Dr. Neal Siler using Terry Wardle, Healing Care, Healing Prayer: Helping the Broken Find Wholeness in Christ. Page 203 13.6. The Empty Cup PURPOSE: To acknowledge the reality of what we bring in ministry. RELEVANCE: To know we are completely dependent upon God’s daily in- filling; to viscerally know we bring nothing to ministry but ourselves, yielded to God. FORMAT: Before beginning Week 1 of the SF-RDL, prayerfully decide on a cup that you will use for your daily spiritual practice during the entire first week. This might be a favourite cup of yours or one that is just convenient. Once you have chosen it, please engage the first day as follows: a. Sit with your empty cup and become aware of all the details: colour, shape, design, feel, rim, base, handle, imperfections, beauty etc. b. Imagine the cup is you, held in the hands of your heavenly Father o Notice how you are holding the cup. What is it like to be held? o Imagine God looking at you. What might He see? c. Take some time to look into the emptiness of the cup. Sit with this. Let God speak if He has anything to impart and simply remain courteous in your stillness. When you sense the time is right and are ready, move to the next step. d. Imagine coming before God with your empty cup and praying the words of the prayer overleaf. e. When you are ready, please proceed to Week 1 of the SF-RDL material. APPLICATION: From Day 2 onwards, simply hold your cup in quiet reverence and posture of attentiveness, as a symbolic reminder of your emptiness before God. If you so desire, you might wish to reread the prayer before proceeding with your daily reading. Page 204 13.6. The Empty Cup, cont. Generous God, So many times I’ve come with my empty cup, a beggar of the heart, devoid of nourishment, depleted of energy ~ and You have filled. Generous God, so many times I’ve come afraid of unknowns, full of negatives and no’s, fighting the challenges, closed and resistant to growth ~ and You have opened Generous God, so many times I’ve come a stranger to my spirit, crammed with cultural noise, caught in end less clutter, crowding my inner space ~ and You have emptied Generous God, I come to You again, holding out my waiting cup, begging that it first be emptied of all that blocks the way, then asking for its filling with love that tastes like You ~ and You have heard Adapted from The Cup of Our Life, copyright ©1997, 2012 by Joyce Rupp, OSM. Used with the permission of the Publisher, Sorin Books, an imprint of Ave Maria Press®, Inc., P.O. Box 428, Notre Dame, Indiana, 46556, www.avemariapress.com. Page 205 13.7. Remembrance Symbol PURPOSE: The intentional use of symbols to represent ideas or qualities that bring to mind a specific fact, event or situation. RELEVANCE: To recall God’s remembrance of you as you consider the redeemed past, converted past and unredeemed past, all of which is brought into the present and shapes your future in terms of redeemed, transforming and unredeemed. In light of this, to remember our calling into ministry is to be reminded of the response we have given to the God who has called us to participate in His work. FORMAT: We are a remembering people because God remembers His people. Sometimes an unbidden smell, a return to a haunt, a shared meal, an unexpected touch or a particular tune brings us back to when we first experienced that sensation. In scripture, the Passover in Exodus 12 was to be commemorated for generations to come; in Joshua 4:21, stones were to be a reminder that “the hand of the LORD is powerful” (v. 24). A symbol is something that represents or stands in for something else. The term symbol originates from the Greek word symbolon meaning token or sign. Symbols must be learned as they represent, stand in for, or suggest something else such as an idea or object. Anthropologists and sociologists define symbols as “representative forms of thought.” For Robert Sapolsky, “Symbols serve as a simplifying stand-in for something complex.” Symbols unify abstract mental thoughts together with the reality of living experience.... [S]ymbols act as bridge from the material world to abstract. Symbols tie thought to action, regulate social experience, promote self- expression, shape individual and cultural identity, and represent power and authority.. [S]ymbols communicate more effectively than words. https://ddunleavy.typepad.com/strictly_symbolic/2015/12/signs-and-symbols- introduction.html Sit in a comfortable position. Recall how you were called into the ministry of spiritual direction. If you have not already, reflect on what symbol might embody this sacred moment. How can this be made tangible? Can this be drawn or perhaps transformed into or represented by a 3D object? Is there something in nature or in your home that is symbolic of this moment? Once you have identified this symbol, keep it by you for the duration of this week as a gentle reminder of your ministerial commission from God. Page 206 13.7. Remembrance Symbol, cont. APPLICATION: Your chosen symbol will allow you to remember Who called you into ministry. On those days that you are mired in doubt, let your symbol usher you into God’s presence, and as you relive your calling, reaffirm your commitment to Him. When ministry becomes daunting, you can remember that God does not call the equipped but rather, He equips the called. Pay attention to what symbol God might give you as you transition into supervision. Page 207 13.8. Imagination PURPOSE: To deepen in Christ’s compassion toward self and others. RELEVANCE: To see through the eyes of Jesus, the Compassionate Observer, to see what He sees when He looks at us. FORMAT: In Mark 3:14, we are told that Jesus “appointed twelve that they might be with Him and that he might send them out to preach.” The key principle of Jesus’ approach with His disciples is “that they might be with Him.” Even as Christ now lives in every believer, it is this “with-ness” with Jesus as He ministered that we want to focus on. This “with-ness” that was so pivotal in the disciples’ training will be yours through imagination. Ignatius called for practitioners to use their imaginations in prayer to further their spiritual growth. He suggested that people begin their spiritual exercise by “seeing by the power of imagination” the place where their interaction with the Lord will take place (Boyd 2004, 92). Ignatius understood that it’s not what you know intellectually that affects your life—it is what you experience, i.e. what is concrete and tangible transforms life. And the central place where we experience spiritual realities is the imagination. Ignatius clearly saw the need for abstract ideas to be incarnated in our imagination if they are to have transforming power (2004, 93). Please download and read the following article by Brandon J. O’Brien: Can You Imagine? Why imagination is crucial to the Christian life at https://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/canyouimagine. html According to O’Brien, “Faith is an act of the imagination. And a healthy, vibrant imagination is crucial to the Christian life.” Furthermore, if reason can change minds, “the imagination changes our heart” because it “helps us feel the truth, not just know it.” Boyd, in his book Seeing is Believing: Experience Jesus through Imaginative Prayer” says, if “our faith is going to be powerful and transformative, it is going to have to be imaginative and experiential” (2004, 79). This is what you are being invited to! Through your imagination, be with Jesus... Watch Him, observe Him, and listen to what He says and doesn’t say! He will be your teacher, showing you the skills of ministry firsthand. Pay attention. Let His compassion be your compassion, for others but also for yourself. How does Jesus look at you? Page 208 13.8. Imagination, cont. Finally, Williams reminds us in the construction of imagination it is not about how you understand reality or how abstract insight is enfleshed but rather it is the imagination, which is the ground of those abstract thoughts, and so it is we who are bringing our imagination to God (pers. comm., January 4, 2020). APPLICATION: In spiritual direction, how have the stories of directees elicited compassion in you? In Jesus? When you have struggled in the giving of spiritual direction, how have you experienced the compassion of Jesus toward yourself? How might this be carried over into supervision? Page 209 13.9. Johari Window PURPOSE: To be reminded of our human limitedness in the face of Jesus’ all- knowingness. RELEVANCE: Self-awareness in the light of Jesus, who reveals the heart of God, enables realistic engagement with others. As Kirwan states, “Because of the fall no one has a totally true picture of himself [or herself]” (1984, 80). FORMAT: Each quadrant of the Johari Window is labeled and contains two pieces of information regarding behaviour, attitude, feelings, emotions, knowledge, experience, skills, views, etc. known by the individual and/or the other. Arena: I know; you know. Information about the individual is known by the person and known by the other The arena where good communication and cooperation occurs, free from distraction, mistrust, confusion, conflict and misunderstanding. Blind spot: I don’t know; you know. Information individual does not know but is known by the other. The arena where there’s ignorance about oneself or delusion or issues another is withholding from the individual. Facade: I know; you don’t know. Known to individual but kept hidden from and thus unknown to others. This arena includes sensitivities, fears, hidden agendas, manipulative intentions, and secrets. Unknown: I don’t know; you don’t know. Information unknown to both the individual and the other. An arena of underestimated abilities, untapped potential, repressed or subconscious feelings, or conditioned behaviour from childhood https://www.businessballs.com/self-awareness/johari-window-model-and-free- diagrams/ Page 210 13.9. Johari Window, cont. APPLICATION: First reimagine this diagram between your directee and yourself. Can you recall any examples that could fit into any of these boxes? What might you be invited to discover/explore? Can you see how this might be helpful when in supervision with others? Arena: I know. You know. Open flowing communication between individuals; accessibility to each other; each feels seen; enrichens relational experience. Blind spot: I don’t know. You know. Where I place too much importance on myself and my role; place of hidden agendas and leading questions; when my voice is louder than Jesus’ voice. Facade: I know. You don’t know. Personal issues that hinder the way I listen or react to another, preventing me from staying present to the other’s unique life situation; Jesus working through my woundedness. Unknown: I don’t know. You don’t know. Situations where there are no easy answers or quick fixes; where silent hospitality can speak volumes; where both are drawn to be still and know that He is God. Page 211 13.10. Conversation Circles PURPOSE: To visually trace how conversation with another impacts our own personal and spiritual development. RELEVANCE: In attending to the movement of conversation, how are the questions, “Where am I?” “How am I?” and “Who am I?” being answered. FORMAT: The nesting circles overleaf show the positing of the following: Outer Circle: Where? This ring contains those things that we cannot change: natural family, genetic makeup, place and culture into which we are born, our upbringing, education, all that has already happened to us, natural giftedness and inborn shortcomings, health, and disabilities, etc. Not only can we do nothing to change these facts, but it is helpful to be aware that they occupy most of our consciousness and energy. We live on the outside edge of ourselves for most of our waking hours. Middle Circle: How? This is the area of our lives where we can exercise choice. Here things happen to us, but we can choose how we respond. We can accept or reject, condone, or confront, go with the flow, or stand up to be counted. We can choose which persons we want to relate to and what kinds of initiatives we desire to make. These many choices gradually influence who we are—our habits and our character. Inner Circle: Who? Here we are moving closer to the person we truly are in the presence of God. As we begin to discover who we really are, we may find some disjunct between the person who lives in the Where and the person God created us to be. Centre: “I AM” As we move closer to God who dwells within us, we will be transformed, and this transformation will challenge the How and the Where of who we are. This is the outcome of prayer and the inner journey. Page 212 13.10. Conversation Circles, cont. A way of seeing our inner landscape and tracing the path of a conversation when tending the soul. [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for diagram details. ] APPLICATION: To become acquainted with the Conversation Circle, the first step is to apply it to yourself. In the template provided, please write your answers in the appropriate circles: Outer Circle: WHERE AM I? The givenness of the facts and circumstances of my life, the things I cannot change, e.g., voices and influences, shapers of my life, family of origin, ethnicity, etc. Middle Circle: HOW AM I? The areas of my life where I make personal choices and exercise some control, e.g., choice of spouse; political affiliation; ministry focus, etc. Inner Circle: WHO AM I? The center of my being where I am more truly myself. We may discover that who we are within can be in conflict with who we are in the Where circle of our lives. We are indwelled by God and are thus drawn toward God who transforms us, e.g., fruit of the Spirit. This is where spiritual formation encourages and leads to the authenticity of who I am. Centre: “I AM” Fruit of the Spirit; of inner transformation; healing etc. When you are ready, quietly reflect on your answers. What do you notice? Where are you being drawn to? How might the Holy Spirit be encouraging you? Where are you in need of grace? Adapted from Inner Compass: An Invitation to Ignatian Spirituality, by Margaret Silf. Loyola Press, 1999. Ch.1 by Wendy Miller, used with permission. Page 213 13.11. Reflective Pause PURPOSE: To attend to the specific part of a conversation that elicited a strong feeling. RELEVANCE: To reflectively pay attention to the feeling that emerged during dialogue with another. How may God be speaking to you through this? FORMAT: A verbatim may have been part of your spiritual direction training. Verbatims provide learning opportunities for spiritual directors that deepen contemplation and encourage an evocative stance. A reflective pause creates opportunity to pay attention to your interior dialogue/reactions and applies equally to supervision. The Reflective Pause exercise offers three opportunities to listen. The first happens when a director listens during the spiritual direction conversation; the second occurs when a director writes a Reflective Pause; the third occurs when a director brings this to supervision where a peer group or supervisor also enters into prayerful, contemplative listening and discerning. This week, you are invited to practice engaging with a Reflective Pause between Jesus and yourself. Each day, you will work on a Reflective Pause in relation to a specific Scripture passage that explores the presenting feeling Jesus expressed through the selected gospel reading. On the accompanying template: A] Fill in your name and date. B] Identify the Gospel Reference from which the feeling in focus emerged. C] Name the feeling. If helpful, refer to The Feeling Wheel. D] Having observed how Jesus expressed this feeling, what is it like for you to also express this feeling in the course of your everyday life? i] Write a dialogue of your conversation with Jesus surrounding this feeling. ii] Use a new line for each sentence, and if you extend beyond Y6, continue numbering for easy reference. iii] Record the corresponding feelings, thoughts, or sensations you were aware of during dialogue in the left-hand column; refer to The Feeling Wheel if helpful. iv] When you have completed this Reflection Pause, continue to sit quietly before God and pay attention to further insights or questions that might arise; take note of these. APPLICATION: A verbatim provides a wonderful opportunity to pause. This enables both spiritual director and supervisor to develop their listening skills, discernment, and powers of observation, thus deepening a contemplative evocative approach. As taught by Wendy Miller and adapted with permission. Page 214 13.11. Reflective Pause, cont. Verbatim for Week 7 Name: Date: Gospel reference Identified feeling: Context of Reflective Pause: Note: Y = You; J = Jesus Feelings, thoughts, sensations Snapshot of conversation with Jesus Y1 J1 Y2 J2 Y3 J3 Y4 J4 Y5 J5 Y6 Page 215 Appendix 14: SF-RDL Weekly Themes Welcome to the first day of our seven-week Supervision-Focused Retreat in Daily Life! Beginning today, you will have the opportunity to contemplatively feast on Scripture, actively engage your feelings and senses and respond accordingly. Each thematic week has four parts: Appetizer Equipage Handout (H.6.): attending to the contemplative/evocative Main Course SF-RDL (H.7.): attending to spiritual formation Dessert Reflective Question: attending to supervision Mignardises Reflective Thought: attending to trinitarian theology Appetizer: Equipage Handout (H.6.) • Familiarize yourself with the Equipage Handout focus. • Each Equipage Handout will follow the same format: Purpose; Relevance; Format; Application • Discern how you might integrate this with the SF-RDL material. Main Course: SF-RDL (H.7.) • Grace: Ignatius recommends that you ask God for “what you want and desire” before praying. This is the grace you seek from God. You can reflect on your request later.* • Contemplatively read the accompanying paragraphs, appropriately integrating the contents from the weekly Equipage Handout. • Engage the daily scripture verse, personalizing it by inserting your name where appropriate. Dessert: Reflective Question • A reflective question relating to supervision is tied into the week’s Scripture theme. Allow your answer to prayerfully evolve and deepen over the course of the week. Explore with your SF-RDL director. Mignardises: Reflective Thought • A quote taken from Ziegler’s article: Prayerfully read the quote and pay attention to what response emerges in you. Consider how this quote might enrichen your engagement of supervision. * https://godinallthings.com/prayer/the-grace-i-seek/ NB: for the weekly readings that follow, “The grace I seek” are taken from Smith and Merz in Moment by Moment: A Retreat in Everyday Life (22, 80, 44, 66, 56, 78, 92). Page 216 14.1. Week 1 Theme: The Gift of Belovedness The grace I seek: To grow in my awareness of how deeply and completely God loves me. As you transition into a supervisory role, the need to know your own belovedness becomes heightened. If we do not experience our own belovedness in Christ, how can we walk alongside others struggling to believe their own belovedness in Christ? Jesus ministered from a place of belovedness that His Father was more than willing to publicly affirm (Mark 1:11). We learn in Genesis how through His very words God created the heavens and the earth out of nothing (Genesis 1:1). The same principle for creation applies to us, for whenever God speaks “reality is created” (Boyd 2004, 29). When God says, “I declare you to be holy, spotless infinitely worthwhile and lovable in my sight,” everything that “resists this divine word . . . has to be confronted” (2004, 31). In preparation for this week’s readings, please read H.6.1, The Safe Place and, if helpful, the lectio divina handout. Familiarize yourself with your Safe Place so that it becomes a frequent place of resting in Christ. Whatever may get in the way of you resting in Christ, acknowledge it, name it and then release it to Him so you can resume your posture of rest and attend to your belovedness in Him. As Boyd states, “The most fundamental thing believers need is to have regular times when they rest in an experience of Jesus as real” (2004, 14). 1 John 4:7-12 Participating in God’s love Isaiah 43:1-7 Receiving God’s declaration 1 John 3:1-3 Basking in God’s lavishness Ezekiel 34:11-16 Responding to God’s tending Zephaniah 3:17 Reveling in God’s delight Reflective Question: How have I heard God’s invitation to receive His love in a greater way? Reflective Thought: We must ever be careful that the work of Christ (or the work of the church) not be allowed to overshadow the person of Christ. Christ himself is the voice behind his word in scripture; Christ himself inviting us to receive; Christ himself calling us to [his] love (Ziegler 2018,78). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 217 14.2. Week 2 Theme: The Gift of Being Emptied The grace I seek: To allow experiences of powerlessness and waiting to prepare me for the gift of renewed faith in Christ lived through the power of the Holy Spirit. The only way to truly know that ministry is centered in God is to come emptied of pride, self-sufficiency and your own agenda. This invites humility. According to Cronk, It is all too easy to do the work of God in the same way as we have done all previous work. We undertake the work expecting our efforts to bring change .... We pride ourselves on now doing “the Lord’s work.” In all of this there may be little change in the “self” orientation of our work. The work is still ours. We are still the center of it. Our life has not shifted so that God is the center of all. Our direction and fulfillment are still rooted in our sense of our own accomplishment and our own power (1991, 89- 90). With H.6.2. The Empty Cup (and if helpful, the lectio divina handout) and the following Scripture readings, reflect on what it took for the Word, present from the beginning (John 1:1-3), to empty Himself, “taking the form of a bond- servant, and being made in the likeness of men” (Philippians 2:7, NASB). How might Scripture inform you of qualities befitting a supervisor? Cronk reminds us that “God is the primary preparer for ministry. Our role is to recognize and cooperate with God’s preparation work” (1991, 91). Philippians 2:1-8 Partaking in Christ’s obedience 2 Corinthians 8:9 Entering into Christ’s poverty John 5:30 Acknowledging dependency upon God Matthew 27:45-50 Attending to forsakenness John 4:34 Engaging in God’s work Reflective Question: What is God inviting me to release in order to experience the freedom of living in God? Reflective Thought: Jesus is not simply an example or model . . . He is pattern and ground for every response to God on our part. In short, we do not act alone (Ziegler 2018, 77). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 218 14.3. Week 3 Theme: The Gift of Calling The grace I seek: To hear God’s call and be willing to respond generously. A thought-provoking line Palmer quotes from William Stafford’s poem Ask Me is, “Ask me whether what I have done is my life” (2000, 1). It’s a line that’s worth reading twice, at least. The word vocation is from the Latin for “voice” and so, to Palmer, vocation “does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear” (2000, 4). As you consider your calling to supervision, bear these words of Palmer in mind: “Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood” (2004, 16). This invariably invites the ancient human question, “Who am I?” which in turn leads to the equally important question, “Whose am I?” for there is no selfhood outside of relationship (2004, 17). The Equipage Handout H.6.3, Remembrance Symbol, invites us to recall and be confirmed in God’s calling to spiritual direction. Through gospel contemplation, you will be given a front seat to five different and unique callings as recorded in Scripture. You are encouraged to recall God’s tailor-made calling on your life. Parker reminds us that “Vocation does not come from a voice ‘out there’ calling me to become something I am not. It comes from a voice ‘in here’ calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God” (2000, 10). Genesis 12:1-5 Invited to step out in faith 1 Kings 19:19-21 Drawn to what lies ahead Exodus 3:1-12 Summoned to the extraordinary Luke 5:1-11 Engaging in ministry Acts 9:1-19 Conscious of the Holy Spirit Reflective Question: How am I hearing God’s call to supervision in a manner unique to my personhood, my giftings? Reflective Thought: Christ’s faithfulness undergirds our feeble and faltering faith and enfolds it in His own (Torrance, God & Rationality, 154, in Ziegler 2018, 77). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 219 14.4. Week 4 Theme: The Gift of With-ness The grace I seek: To be present to others with the same depth of love and care as Jesus was in His interactions. Just as the disciples were with Jesus, this week you are invited to be with Jesus through your imagination and as guided by Scripture, to watch Him in action as He interacts with the broken, with the wounded and with the marginalized. Pay attention to how Jesus looks, speaks and addresses the individual’s need. Notice and observe His compassion for the lost and hurting. Coleman writes, “the Gospels were written primarily to show us Christ” and how “the revelation of that life in Christ includes the way he lived and taught others to live” in such a way that the “witnesses who wrote the books not only saw the truth; they were changed by it” (1993, 16). In preparation, please read H.6.4., Imagination, and the article Can You Imagine? by O’Brien. Then, through gospel contemplation, observe how Jesus does ministry—He is His own school and curriculum! (Coleman 1993, 38). Jesus’ method of training His disciples “was simply by being ‘with them’” (1993, 44). As He remains with and in us through the Holy Spirit, He continues to be our Teacher. You are invited to be a compassionate observer of those to whom Jesus ministers. Learn directly from the Master. Coleman points out, “It was by virtue of this fellowship that the disciples were permitted ‘to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God’ (Luke 8:10). Knowledge was gained by association before it was understood by explanation” (1993, 38). Luke 8:43-48 Heedful to another’s desperation John 8:1-11 Sensitive to another’s shame Matthew 19:13-15 Conscious of the voicelessness Luke 19:1-10 Extending grace Mark 1:40-42 Righteous indignation Reflective Question: What new observations and insights about the person of Jesus are informing my call to supervision? Reflective Thought: As human beings we certainly are involved in our Spiritual formation, but our agency is always secondary to that of the Spirit who unites us to our risen Lord (Ziegler 2018, 83). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 220 14.5. Week 5 Theme: The Gift of Contemplation The grace I seek: In wonder and awe, to contemplate Jesus, whose human life reveals the heart of God. What is contemplation? Barry and Connolly believe it “begins when people stop being totally preoccupied with their own concerns and let another person, event, or object take their attention.” In other words, when “people look at Jesus as he appears in gospel events and let themselves become absorbed in what he is like, what he cares about, and what he is doing,” they are being contemplative (2009, 49). Likewise, as supervisors, our attention is on the director before us. In paying attention to what is present, we become absorbed in who he or she is and is becoming in ministry. This enables us to listen deeply and see beyond what the director brings. The most important take-away to remember is that the “person contemplating can have no control over the other” (52). This allows the supervisor to concentrate on the experience of the directors and “the lived beliefs that color their responses to their directees” (187). Each day this week, you are invited to contemplate one or two verses of Psalm 23. In preparation, please refer to H.6.5, Johari Window. Can you relate to any of the boxes in the Johari Window? In what way? As you visualize each verse in Psalm 23 and appropriate it for yourself, how might this inform the way you do ministry? As God’s beloved led into a restful place, stay as long as you can! Psalm 23:1-2 Humility to receive what I need Psalm 23:3 Faithfulness to stay the course Psalm 23:4 Courage to face fear Psalm 23:5 Awe of God’s generosity Psalm 23:6 Confident in God’s pursuit of me Reflective Question: How is Psalm 23 informing my discernment regarding supervision? Reflective Thought: For the Christian life is understood as one of communion between dependent, trusting creatures and their loving Creator (Ziegler 2018, 78). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 221 14.6. Week 6 Theme: The Gift of Questions The grace I seek: To discern life-giving questions that enable the listener to hear and respond to the Spirit. In Genesis 3:9, God asks the penetrating question, “Where are you?” Kirwan encourages us to adopt God’s approach to Adam and Eve as opposed to the “there you are” approach we can so easily fall into when giving spiritual direction. As supervisors, “we cannot know where [directors] are or what the real problems are unless we take the time to find out” (1984, 120). Learning to ask open-ended questions as directors enables the asking of open-ended questions as supervisors. Hence the need for the gift of asking good questions. Jesus took the time to ask questions, and while these questions had different purposes, He honored others in the asking. In preparation for this week’s gospel contemplation, please refer to H.6.6., Conversation Circles, where the focus is personalizing the Where, How and Who circles. As you engage with this week’s Scripture readings, ask yourself two questions: (1) what question is Jesus asking and (2) how did the other person respond? Then, with your Conversation Circles at hand, pay attention to how are you responding. Where do you find yourself on the circle? Are you moving toward the Where or the Who circle? Luke 10:25-37 To be a good neighbour in Christ Mark 10:17-22 To choose wisely in Christ Luke 7:36-50 To offer forgiveness in Christ John 18:19-22 To speak truth in Christ Matthew 9:1-8 To take heart in Christ Reflective Question: What questions do you have for Jesus about your transition? Reflective Thought: Spiritual formation must be theologically grounded in trinitarian Christology, in contrast to approaches that are more human-centered and more virtue-oriented or imitation driven (Ziegler 2018,76). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 222 14.7. Week 7 Theme: The Gift of Feelings The grace I seek: To identify and explore my feelings in the context of being loved unconditionally. Before we can reconnect with others, Siegel maintains, “we need to be sure we are connected with ourselves” (2010, 34). One important way to do this is to be mindful of and attentive to our feelings. Throughout this project, you have been monitoring your feelings, hopefully allowing yourself to “recognize and acknowledge a feeling, without being consumed by it” (2010, x). When we don’t judge our feelings but attend to them, they can communicate a lot of information to us about our experiences, beliefs, memories and bodies. Of course, God can use any of these avenues to communicate with us. This awareness is a gift that we, as supervisors, give to our directors on so many levels. As we interact with The Feeling Wheel, we become more intentionally conversant with our feelings. In preparation for this week’s scripture readings, please refer to H.6.7, Reflective Pause. Jesus, in the fullness of His humanity, experienced and expressed feelings. As you contemplatively reflect on the following verses, pay attention to Jesus first, then allow the feeling under consideration to bring to memory your own encounter with it. Next, through your imagination, have a conversation with Jesus about this feeling and record it on the accompanying Reflective Pause template overleaf. Matthew 8:5-13 To share in Jesus’ amazement Matthew 14:13-21 To have the compassion of Jesus John 2:13-25 To engage in the righteous anger of Jesus John 11:17-44 To be deeply moved in spirit Matthew 26:36-44 To feel the sorrow of Jesus Reflective Question: In being present to Jesus’ feeling, what feelings have come to the fore as you discern your calling to supervision? Reflective Thought: In sanctification we do not seek something “out there” in an effort to grow into what we are not; rather, we embrace what has already happened and enter more deeply into communion with him whose we already are (Ziegler 2018, 81). Using the template provided, journal your reflections. Page 223 14.8. Journey Tracker Week Day Date As I begin, I am feeling _ because Equipage insights: Grace received: In what way are my reflections on Scripture shaping my approach toward supervision? Reflective Question: Reflective Thought: Prayer Response: As I end, I am feeling _ because Page 224 Appendix 15: Word Cloud Feelings Before Engaging SF-RDL Material [Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for diagram details ] Feelings After Engaging SF-RDL Material [Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for diagram details ] Page 225 Appendix 16: Contemplative and Evocative [ Please contact repository@tyndale.ca for Appendix 16 details ] Contemplative In-take Interview After-Care Interview A1 Receiving mode of engaging with Silence and thinking about, God; it invites me into ways of pondering and prayer practices; silence, listening and receiving slowed down in attending to another from God. Moves me away from person in order to pay attention living a life of doing so much. person in order to pay attention B2 Quieting down spirit to be fully Silencing own inner self to allow present; going deep into spirit and Jesus to show up in more being aware of presence of God; meaningful way and allow slow deep listening. conversation to take place. C3 Full on experience of God through Experiencing Jesus; being present to senses; experiencing God in Him through scripture; engaged spiritual realm. with Him. D4 Facilitating an encounter with God Presence; attending to presence of at the deeper levels of one’s being; God and directee/supervisee; takes contemplation position before work to be attentive and flow with Lord; welcoming Holy Spirit to the Holy Spirit; divine dialogue— move/heal/convict; God’s mysterious, deep and life giving. operating room. E5 Constantly be aware of God’s Awareness in hearing God presence in my inner being throughout day in ministry and on regardless of where I am. my own. Contemplative of God’s existence in my life—broadened my understanding of contemplative. F6 Involves focused, extended Presence—increased in mystery to direction or thought toward an other as contemplation. G7 Mindful of God’s presence through To be aware of God’s presence, nature; interaction with momentarily and His movement in circumstances; activity; mindful my situation/circumstances and and dwelling in God’s presence. emotions. H8 To settle one’s self; to let oneself Always been a form of centering think and feel God’s presence. prayer which is at the root of it. Importance of lectio divina and gospel contemplation. Page 226 Appendix 16: Contemplative and Evocative, cont. Evocative In-take Interview After-Care Interview A1 Fairly new term— Helping person themselves pay listening to what comes, attention to what the emotion is they not trying to make feel and hear the emotion and welcome something come but to it—no negative emotions but allow for things to come, uncomfortable ones have great gifts to listen and be watching for bring us; emotions key to understanding them to come. what going on inside of you. B2 - Whatever comes up in the moment as a natural arising from what you are engaging with, i.e. scripture. C3 - Going under surface, having the real you responding, deep inner being called to respond to presence to Christ, bringing to surface . . . deeper layer that you haven’t wanted to touch. D4 To learn more about; Gives voice to the emotions that being engendering opportunity experienced, recognition; evokes/brings for the other person to out, calls forth what is going on under consider; find God in new the surface. ways, expand awareness and dig more into the things stirred up in them. E5 - Like good friends who poke each other by telling us things that we might not want to hear but need to. Provoking areas we don’t want to hear, giving me no excuse to run away. F6 Brings other things to Enriched meaning - stirring up feelings, mind; exercises or emotions and immense freedom to memories or experiences pursue those emotions and not judge that bring other things to those emotions; valid sources of the forefront or awareness. information about self and will of God in the moment; attention to how we feel instead of suppressing. G7 - Intentional to become more attentive to God’s heartbeat in your life and circumstances. How He is inviting me to see people, how he sees me and how I respond. H8 - Explain yourself; get down to root of an emotion. Page 227 Appendix 17: Participant Discernment Participant Week Discernment A1 7 I do believe that God is calling me to supervision. It is with trepidation that I receive it. One of the big take always in receiving this call is the experience of spiritual direction rooted in trinitarian participation and in Christ and the scriptures. B2 7 In the final reflection of the week the conversation with Jesus clearly cautioned me to slow down and just concentrate on just one step at a time rather than feeling like I must make a full commitment to any direction I decide on at this time. At this point I am not going to pursue becoming a SD supervisor but concentrate on the path I’ve already started down in Enneagram training. That reflection brought me considerable peace of mind to the process. C3 7 I think I could proceed toward training as a [spiritual director supervisor], but I haven’t felt especially drawn to that as much as just awakened as a “directee” and as a “[spiritual director].” I have been stretched, challenged, filled, ‘met with’. I have a greater sense that I am IN Christ and that He is IN me . . . and I can live and minister out of this place - best / only. D4 7 My experience and trust in this process has grown much through these 7 weeks, culminating in a desire to pursue it more in relationships with my directees, and in supervision. E5 5 Affirm the invitation to become a [spiritual director] supervisor through pondering on the meaning of invitation. Invitation from God entails that I am ready. And I am looking forward to the invitation with joy and hope. F6 3 This was really the first week that brought some clarity. I feel that the path toward supervision is simply an extension of my path to SD. I'm not gripping onto this path, nor am I attached to any outcomes. At this point I sense a gentle green light to take next steps. G7 3 I like what has been mentioned in the Reflection Question, that is “a manner unique to my personhood and giftings.” [These] words helps to discern in my unique context. Page 228 Appendix 17: Participant Discernment, cont. Participant Week Discernment H8 7 These past seven weeks have been a good journey in discernment. My experience of becoming an empty chalice has had a significant influence on with respect to significant decisions I had to make. Even though I have a strong appreciation for the necessity of good and qualified spiritual director supervisors, I find this is not for me at this time in my life... Right now, my discernment process is more about what to keep in my life, the obvious implication is that I need to eliminate existing activities and obligations. I am not at a point to add anything new into my life. To this end, these seven weeks have been very valuable. Page 229 Appendix 18: Expert Panel Feedback Expert Panel Possible Improvements to SF-RDL Material Miller Email 1. Made suggestions for 2.1 SF-RDL Participant Weekly Questionnaire and 2.2. SF-RDL Director Weekly Questionnaire in helping track movement of participants as they complete each week. 2. Sent self-authored document: Spiritual Formation and Spiritual Narrative Theology in the Service of Supervision of Spiritual Directors to give narrative spiritual theology as a base to undergird project material. Ruffing Phone conversation 1. Theological perspective -theology of the Holy Spirit rather than Christological. 2. Discussion regarding the qualities required in a supervisor and its inclusion as part of discernment. 3. Importance of psychological maturity, recognition of transference and countertransference, place of feelings, deep understanding of spiritual direction and ability to describe religious experience. 3. Significance of psychological consultation to determine resiliency for supervision and personal experience of good therapy to pick up how directors have been wounded and its presence in supervision. 4. Weed out potentially disastrous supervisors at practicum level. Siler Email 1. Appreciation for Ziegler’s article but may be beneficial to include a couple of other sources that either corroborate or challenge Ziegler’s thoughts. 2. Subjective Moral Formation: what would it look like to demonstrate the viability of this position by pointing out how the Feeling Wheel, an understanding of Core Longings, and Interior Awareness cohere to offer a more user friendly - understandable framework for use in supervision and spiritual direction in general? 3. Unevenness may be worth exploring as the tools employed are simple, user-friendly and powerful agents of insight. 4. Questioning the heavy emphasis on Ziegler’s journal article that may dilute the strength of a practical approach to understanding formation. Concern “aim” of the project may get lost in theology or theologizing. Page 230 Appendix 18: Expert Panel Feedback, cont. Expert Panel Possible Improvements to SF-RDL Material Williams Email 1. Detailed comments made on Safe place; Emptiness; Remembrance; Imagination; Contemplation; Spiritual Conversation. 2. Reminder that the aim of supervision is not “correction” or “refinement” ... it is the growing recognition of the presence of the Spirit in the Body of Christ manifest as the group. Supervision makes one MORE sensitised to the Spirit. 3. It is that sensitisation which allows for more loving discernment and so the path here is Beloved - Emptied - Called - Union - Contemplation - maybe should move to - Discernment - and then to Recognition ... rather than Feelings etc. Page 231 REFERENCE LIST Allender, Dan B. 2003. How Children Raise Parents. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Barsabe, Elisheva, Eliot Moss and Richard DeVries. The Daily Office. The Mission of St. Clare. Accessed 11 December 2017. http://www.missionstclare.com/english/. Barna Group. “Meet the ‘Spiritual but not Religious.’” Barna. April 6, 2017. Accessed August 31, 2020. https://www.barna.com/research/meet- spiritual-not-religious/ Barry, William A. and William J. Connolly. 2009. The Practice of Spiritual Direction. Rev. ed. NY: HarperCollins Publishers. Barton, Ruth Haley. 2010. Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God’s Transforming Presence. 2nd ed. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books. Bell, Judith. 2014. Doing Your Research Project: A Guide for First-Time Researchers. 6th ed. NY: McGraw Hill Education. Benner, David G. 2004. The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Bernard of Clairvaux. 1090. On Loving God. Grand Rapids, MI: Christian Classics Ethereal Library. Accessed January 7, 2021. https://ccel.org/ccel/b/bernard/loving_god/cache/loving_god.pdf Boyd, Gregory A. 2004. Seeing is Believing: Experience Jesus Through Imaginative Prayer. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Bumpus, Mary Rose and Rebecca Bradburn Langer. 2005. Supervision of Spiritual Directors: Engaging in Holy Mystery. NY: Morehouse Publishing. Bunyan, John. (1666) 1959. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners: Or, a Brief Relation of the Exceeding Mercy of God in Christ to His Poor Servant. Chicago, IL: Moody Press. Chan, Maria Concepcion. “Forming the Leader’s Soul: An Invitation to Spiritual Direction. Rethinking Seminary Training.” Unpublished Paper, Tyndale University, 2017a. _______. “Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God’s Transforming Presence.” Unpublished Paper, Tyndale University, 2017b. Page 232 ______. “Spiritual Formation Movement: The Ignatian Movement,” Unpublished Paper, Tyndale University, 2020. Chandler, Diane J. 2014. Christian Spiritual Formation: An Integrated Approach For Personal and Relational Wholeness. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Coleman, Robert E. 1993. The Master Plan of Evangelism. 2nd ed., abr. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell. Conroy, Maureen. 1995. Looking Into the Well: Supervision of Spiritual Directors. Chicago: Loyola University Press. Copan, Victor. 2016. Changing your Mind: The Bible, the Brain, and Spiritual Growth. Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock Publishers. Accessed February 18, 2019. ProQuest Ebook Central. Crabb, Larry. 1997. Connecting: Healing for Ourselves and Our Relationships. A Radical New Vision. Nashville, TN: Word Publishing. Cronk, Sandra. 1993. Dark Night Journey: Inward Re-patterning Toward a LifeCentered in God. Wallingford, Pennsylvania: Pendle Hill Publications. Cross, Nigel. “Design Research: A Disciplined Conversation.” Design Issues. Vol. 15, No.2, Design Research (Summer, 1999), 5-10. https://www.jstor.org/stable/1511837. Deck, Allan Figueroa. “Why Pope Francis’ Focus on Mission Makes Catholics Uncomfortable.” America The Jesuit Review. July 11, 2019. Accessed August 8, 2020. https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2019/07/11/why- pope-francis-focus-mission-makes-catholics-uncomfortable Dirks, Morris. 2013. Forming The Leader’s Soul: An Invitation to Spiritual Direction. Portland, OR: SoulFormation. Doctor of Ministry Handbook 2018-2019 Part 1: Administration and Curriculum. Version 1.5. Tyndale University College & Seminary. Dougherty, Rose Mary. 1995. Group Spiritual Direction: Community for Discernment. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press. Easterday, Matthew W., Daniel G. Rees Lewis, Elizabeth M. Gerber. “The Logic of Design Research.” Learning: Research and Practice. Vol 4:2 (2018): 131-160. Edelson Daniel C. “Design Research: What We Learn When We Engage in Design.” The Journal of the Learning Sciences. Vol. 11, no. 1 (2002): 105-121. Page 233 Emiliani, M.L. Bob. 2015. Lean Teaching: A Guide to Becoming a Better Teacher. Wethersfield, CT: The CLBM. (2015): 111. Fairbairn, Donald. 2009. Life in the Trinity: An Introduction to Theology with the Help of the Church Fathers. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic. Fearnow, Benjamin. “52 Percent of Americans Say Jesus Isn’t God but Was a Great Teacher, Survey Says.” Newsweek. August 30, 2020. Accessed August 31, 2020. https://www.newsweek.com/52-percent-americans-say- jesus-isnt-not-god-was-great-teacher-survey-says-1528617 Fleming, David L. 2008a. What Is Ignatian Spirituality? Chicago: Loyola Press. ______. (1996) 2008b. Draw Me Into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises. A Literal Translation & Contemporary Reading. St. Louis, MO: The Institute of Jesuit Sources. Foster, Richard J. 1980. Celebration of Discipline: A Path to Spiritual Growth.” Rev. ed. London: Hodder & Stoughton. _______. “Ten Counsels: Richard Foster on Spiritual Formation.” Reformed Worship: Resources for Planning and Leading Worship. May 2007. Accessed August 25, 2020. https://www.reformedworship.org/article/march-2008/ten-counsels- richard-foster-spiritual-formation Franklin, Patrick S. “The God Who Sends is The God Who Loves: Mission as Participating in the Ecstatic Love of the Triune God.” Didaskalia 28 (2017-18): 75-95. _______. “Being Human: Embodied Existence.” Theology of the Human Person Lecture. YouTube video (3.3) 13.11. Posted January 27, 2021. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdHIC3ulCOk&feature=emb_logo&a b_channel=DLYoutube Gecewicz, Claire. “‘New Age’ Beliefs Common Among Both Religious and Nonreligious Americans.” Pew Research Center. October 1, 2018. Accessed December 4, 2020. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact- tank/2018/10/01/new-age-beliefs-common-among-both-religious-and- nonreligious-americans/ Gould, Stephen J. “Researcher Introspection as a Method in Consumer Research: Applications, Issue, and Implications.” Journal of Consumer Research. Vol 21. (1995): 719-722. Page 234 Gratton, Carolyn. 1992. The Art of Spiritual Guidance: A Contemporary Approach to Growing in the Spirit. New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company. Greenman Jeffrey, P. and George Kalantzis (Eds). 2010. Life in the Spirit: Spiritual Formation in Theological Perspective. Illinois: IVP Academic. Grenz, Stanley J. and Roger E. Olson. 1996. Who Needs Theology?: An Invitation to the Study of God. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Helland, Roger. 2017. The Devout Life: Plunging the Depths of Spiritual Renewal. Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock. Hernandez, Wil. “History of Spirituality and the Dynamics of Spiritual Formation.” DMSF 0902 Spiritual Formation: A Historical and Practical Approach Residency Lectures. Doctor of Ministry, Tyndale Seminary, Toronto, August 13, 2018. Hjalmarson, Len. “Opening Session.” DMSF 0942 Developing a Model of Spiritual Formation Residency Lectures. Doctor of Ministry, Tyndale Seminary, Toronto, February 24, 2018. Holt, Bradley P. 2017. Thirsty for God: A Brief History of Christian Spirituality. 3rd. ed. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press. Howard, Evan B. 2018. A Guide to Christian Spiritual Formation: How Scripture, Spirit, Community, and Mission Shape Our Souls. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic. Hughes, Selwyn and Trevor J. Partridge. 1990. Through the Bible Every Day in One Year: A chronological Bible reading plan. Farnham, Surrey: The Bath Press. Ignatius of Loyola. 1555. The Autobiography of Ignatius of Loyola. Ed. by B J.F.X. O’Conor, S.J. NY, Cincinnati, Chicago: Benziger Brothers. Jenson, Robert W. “The Return to Baptism.” In Encounters With Luther - Volume 2 (Lectures, Discussions and Sermons at the Martin Luther Colloquia 1975-1979), ed. Eric W. Gritsch, 217-25. Gettysburg, Pennsylvania: Institute for Luther Studies, 1982. Joost, Gesche, Katharina Bredies, Michelle Christensen, Florian Conradi, and Andreas Unteidig. 2016. Design As Research : Positions, Arguments, Perspectives. Board of International Research in Design, BIRD. Basel: Birkhauser. Accessed January 31, 2020. https://search-ebscohost- com.ezproxy.mytyndale.ca:2443/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN= 1229806&site=ehost-live&scope=site. Page 235 Krallmann, Gunter. 2002. Mentoring for Mission: A Handbook on Leadership Principles Exemplified by Jesus Christ. Waynesboro, Ga.: Gabriel Publishing. Krejcir, Richard J. “Statistics on Pastors: 2016 Update.” Churchleadership.org. Accessed June 22, 2017. http://www.churchleadership.org/apps/articles/default.asp?blogid=4545&v iew=post&articleid=Statistics-on-Pastors-2016- pdate&link=1&fldKeywords=&fldAuthor=&fldTopic=0. Kruger, Baxter C. 2000. The Great Dance: The Christian Vision Revisited. Vancouver, BC: Regent College Publishing. _______. “Theology: Perichoresis—What's That?” Grace Communion International, 25 Aug. 2018. Accessed October 15, 2020. www.gci.org/articles/perichoresis-whats-that/ Lawrence, Rick. General Ed. 2016. “Jesus in 3 John.” Jesus Centered Bible. (NLT). Chicago: Tyndale House Publishers. Lewis, C.S. (1961) 2001. A Grief Observed. San Francisco, CA: HarperSanFrancisco. Manney, Jim. 2011. A Simple, Life-Changing Prayer: Discovering the Power of St. Ignatius Loyola’s Examen. Chicago: Loyola Press. Martin, James. “Be Who You Is: How do I discover my vocation in life?” SantaClara Magazine. October 17, 2007. Accessed August 27, 2020. https://magazine.scu.edu/magazines/fall-2007/after-words-13/ ________. 2010. The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life. New York: HarperOne. Maxwell, Joseph A. 2013. Qualitative Research Design: An Interactive Approach. Washington DC: SAGE Publications, Inc. Miller, Wendy J. 2004. Jesus Our Spiritual Director: A Pilgrimage Though The Gospels. Nashville: Upper Room Books. Moll, Rob. 2014. What Your Body Knows About God: How We Are Designed to Connect, Serve and Thrive. Downers Grove, IL; IVP Books. Moon, Gary W. and David G. Benner. 2004. Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls: A Guide to Christian Approaches and Practices. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Mulholland, M. Robert. 2000. Shaped by the Word: The Power of Scripture in Spiritual Formation. Rev. ed. Nashville, TN: Upper Room Books. Page 236 ________. (1993) 2016. Invitation to A Journey: A Road Model for Spiritual Formation. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books. Nouwen, Henri. 2010. Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit. USA: HarperOne. Nystrom, Marty J. 1991. “Your Grace is Sufficient For Me.” Come To The Table. Hosanna Music. Cassette Tape. O’Brien, Brandon J. “Can You Imagine? Why imagination is crucial to the Christian life.” Christianity Today. July 26, 2011. Accessed July 10, 2019. https://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/canyoui magine.html O’Malley, John W. 2014. The Jesuits: A History from Ignatius to the Present. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers. Accessed 21 May, 2020. EBSCOhost,search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN =885890&site=ehost-live&scope=site One For Israel Staff. “What is Blessing, Exactly? One For Israel Ministry. March 30, 2020. Accessed October 28, 2020. https://www.oneforisrael.org/bible- based-teaching-from-israel/what-is-blessing/ Palmer, Parker J. 2000. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Peters, Greg. “Historical Theology and Spiritual Formation: A Call.” Journal of Spiritual Formation & Soul Care. Vol 7 (2), 2014, 203-209. Poggenpohl, Sharon and Keiichi Sato. 2009. Design Integrations: Research and Collaboration. Chicago: Intellect Books. Accessed July 13, 2019. https://search-ebscohost- com.ezproxy.mytyndale.ca:2443/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN= 301463&site=ehost-live&scope=site. Pullinger, Jackie. (Sermon Clip) “Making Disciples Takes Time.” Filmed [unknown]. YouTube video, 3.39. Posted April 23, 2015. Accessed October 14, 2020. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gObfFA- 2ih4&ab_channel=SermonIndex.net Purves, Andrew. 2007. The Crucifixion of Ministry: Surrendering Our Ambitions to the Service of Christ. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books. _______. 2010. The Resurrection of Ministry: Serving in the Hope of the Risen Lord. Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP Books. Page 237 Read, John. “CSLD: Spirituality and Spiritual Formation.” Salvation Army Australia Southern Territory Resource Centre. November 11. 2011. Accessed September 5, 2020. https://www.sarmy.org.au/en/Resources/Articles/making-disciples/CSLD- Spirituality-and-Spiritual-Formation/ Reese, Randy D. and Robert Loane. 2012. Deep Mentoring: Guiding Others On Their Leadership Journey. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books. Reeves, Michael. 2012. Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic. Reimer, Rob. 2016. Soul Care: 7 Transformational Principles for a Healthy Soul. Franklin, TN: Carpenter’s Son Publishing. Sensing, Tim. 2011. Qualitative Research: A Multi-Methods Approach to Projects for Doctor of Ministry Theses. Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock. Shepherd, Victor. “The Holiness of God and the Holiness of God’s People” Sermons and Writings of Victor Shepherd. May 18, 2014a. Accessed August 24, 2020. http://victorshepherd.ca/category/course- material/systematic-theology-i/ _______. “The Doctrine of the Trinity” Sermons and Writings of Victor Shepherd. May 30, 2014b. Accessed August 22, 2020. http://victorshepherd.ca/category/course-material/systematic-theology-i/ _______. “Why Theology?” Sermons and Writings of Victor Shepherd. May 30, 2014c. Accessed August 22, 2020. http://victorshepherd.ca/category/course-material/systematic-theology-i/ ________. “Humanity as Creatureliness.” THEO 0646 Theology of the Human Person Class Lectures. Master of Theological Studies. Toronto. 3-28 January 2016. Siegel, Daniel. 2011. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, NY: Bantam Books. Smith, Carol Ann and Eugene F. Merz. 1993. Moment by Moment: A Retreat in Everyday Life. Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press. Smith, James K. A., and Glen Stassen. 2009. Desiring the Kingdom : Worship, Worldview, and Cultural Formation. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic. Accessed August 25, 2020. ProQuest Ebook Central. Smith, Gordon T. 2013. Called to Be Saints. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic. Page 238 Stanley Paul D. and J. Robert Clinton. 1992. Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed in Life. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress. Thomas, Gary. 2010. Sacred Pathways: Discover Your Soul’s Path To God. New York: Zondervan. Thompson, Curt. 2010. Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections Between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale Momentum. Torrance, James B. 1996. Worship, Community and the Triune God of Grace. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Torrance, Thomas F. 1996. The Christian Doctrine of God: One Being Three Persons. Edinburgh: T & T Clark. Veltri, John. 1983. “Week of Directed Prayer in a Church Setting.” Orientations for Spiritual Growth. Accessed August 27, 2020. http://orientations.jesuits.ca/bob/retreat.htm Volkman, Bill. 1996. Basking in His Presence: A Call to the Prayer of Silence. Grand Rapids, MI: Dickinson Press. Ward, Ronald A. 1973. Commentary on 1 & 2 Thessalonians. Waco, Texas: Word Books. Wardle, Terry. 2001. Healing Care, Healing Prayer: Helping the Broken Find Wholeness in Christ. Abilene, TX: Leafwood Publishers. Warren, Rick. 2002. The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For? Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Whyte, David. 2019. Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words. Edinburgh: Canongate Books. Willard, Dallas. 2002. Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ. Colorado Springs: NavPress Publishing Group. Wright N. T. 2008. Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church. New York: HarperOne. Xue, Haian and Pieter M. A. Desmet. “Researcher Introspection for Experience- Driven Design Research.” Design Studies. Vol 63. (2019): 37-64. Ziegler, Geordie W. “Is it Time for a Reformation of Spiritual Formation? Recovering Ontology.” Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care. Vol 11(1). (2018): 74-92. Page 239 ***** This is the end of the e-text. This e-text was brought to you by Tyndale University, J. William Horsey Library - Tyndale Digital Collections *****